Tuesday, July 31, 2018

Things I am Leaving in July

Two huge happiness stumbling blocks to abandon this month.  Part of me thinks if I can successfully leave these things behind, I will be happier everyday.

1.  Acting put upon.  I want to stop overcommitting or taking on tasks I don't want to do and then acting like a martyr about them or flaking out.

From now on, if I cannot do something gracefully, I am not going to do it at all.

If I think, for example, that I am not going to actually make it to a GNO or a MNO because I feel anxious about the location or the guest list, I am just going to say no thank you at the outset instead of committing and then getting all worked up at the last second and canceling.  This happens ALL THE TIME for me.

Or, if I don't want to do some chore or task or errand, I am going to try to delegate it or reframe it first instead of doing it and getting all pissy.

This doesn't mean I am going to stop doing things I don't want to do.  It does mean, though, that I am going to stop lying to myself and to others about my commitment level.

I think I will be able to be gracious even in my marriage by saying, "I don't think it's my job to do X,Y, or Z, but I will do it because I love you/see that you need help, etc."  Just getting it off my chest that I think the task is asking too much of me will help me do it with grace, I hope.

I am putting this into practice with my new adjunct class.  As soon as I committed to it, I totally balked and wanted to quit.  but there's NO WAY to do that and salvage my professional decorum and also no reason to be sulky twice a week between August and December.  This class should not be a happiness killer. If I can't make it a happiness booster (it's at night!  it will be dark!  and cold! and more work!), I can at least do it well and with grace for myself (I am already busy!) and Ben (he's going to single-dad it 3 nights a week!) and the kids.

2.  Eating crap.  Intermittent fasting has been amazing for me, and I really feel great and am struggling less with disordered eating.  But!  Sometimes I am so ravenously hungry when it is finally time to eat that I go off the rails and eat like 7 Oreos after lunch or stand at the counter eating lunch meat straight from the bag before I make a real sandwich or yell at everyone to leave me alone so I can eat.

Note!  If you need the room to clear to enjoy your food, you are eating something you shouldn't be or something that makes you feel gross.  And!  You shouldn't eat anything that makes you feel gross/ shouldn't let what you eat dictate how you feel.  I mean, really.

There are times when my stomach hurts after lunch because I ate so much and I never really feel hungry for the rest of the day-- WHICH DOESN'T STOP ME FROM EATING MORE.

I need to be more mindful of food quality AND food quantity.  I think it is perfectly OK to eat something I really want, even if it's something unhealthy.  But the majority of the things I put in my body should nourish me, you know?

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