Money Monday: All Bets Are Off

 Oh, the holidays, you guys. Every year, I say NEXT YEAR I am going to start shopping in January. And then.

Things are... expensive.

We have FIVE CHILDREN, and even if we only buy a modest amount of things for them (spoiler: NOT OUR STYLE), those things add up fast. And older kids! The things they want cost more! It is SO EASY to make all of Minnie's Amazon toy catalog dreams come true, but then a kid is like OH HEY LOOK AT THIS AWESOME CAMERA I WANT and ...

I think when we are done with Santa (SOB), things will be easier because we won't feel like there has to be any sort of parity. Right now, we make sure everyone has the same amount of things to unwrap, and when our kids are all older and understand markets (LOL), it will be easier to be like oh yes we bought this persona many cheap things. But you can enjoy your (INSERT RIDICULOUS EXTRAVAGANCE HERE).

Thinking more about spending this year, though, I realize that we are just sort of spendy all the time, which is why we have a cozy house and mid-line cars and take small trips. WE LIKE TO BUY STUFF, and that's ok. We like giant Christmases, and that's FINE. So, we have to appreciate the process, if that makes sense. No reason to hem and haw and worry about money flying out the door when we KNOW it will happen, and we LIKE the result.

Something I CAN be better at, though, is the spur of the moment splurges. Like buying Minnie a new leotard for her mini holiday dance (and also buying Dorothy xmas legwarmers and a sparkly headband so she, too, can dress festively.) Yes, that's only $20/kid, but also it is POINTLESS MONEY to spend. It has been really cold, so I have driven Dorothy and Coop to school the past few days-- and also bought them hot chocolate and treats on the way. Another $30. $20 for smart plugs for our outdoor Christmas lights. $20 for a non-obtrusive extension cord for Ben to use when he WFH so we don't trip over his cord and die. $30 for Jack and Dorothy to troll Target together (they bought cozy socks and a holiday mini-waffle maker). $100 on clothes for Coop because we cannot wait another second for him to COVER UP HIS ANKLES MY GOD).  Minnie said she wanted to pierce her ears, and I was $150 poorer before you could say HEGEMONY.

And THEN! It HURT and she was a bit traumatized, so she wanted a treat and I was like um actually that expensive ordeal WAS the treat. So we went to the grocery store for frozen pizza and stuff to make blueberry muffins instead of going out to lunch (WINNING! Sort of ).

But seriously! Pierced ears!! (The fancy mall in our town got a Rowan-- a piercing place that uses nurses! And is adorable! When her earrings are ready come out, we can make an appointment to have a nurse take them out and put in her first regular pair-- so great!)

(She was back to herself in no time)

5 on a Friday: 15 mins to blog (50/52)

 1, OMG you guys. I was just at Lululemon buying stuff for Dorothy for Christmas, and I thought to myself I wish I could afford to shop here WHILE SHOPPING THERE for someone who will OUTGROW HER CLOTHES and wears a size 2. I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO WEAR THOSE PANTS WHEN SHE'S DONE. The TL; DR is that if I want $150 sweat patns, I SHOULD BUY THEM Why am I such a mom martyr??

2. THESE YOGURTS!! Are so good! And only 130 calories and 10 grams of protein. I AM OBSESSED.

3. THIS BOOK! Is a freaking delight. Yes, it is set at Christmas, but it is a timeless story-- posting it now, though, in case you want a cozy holiday read.

4. Minnie and I used THIS RECIPE to make gingerbread peeps (and dinosaurs), and the recipe was actually kind of terrible. I am going to have to try again (but maybe when she is at school because damn that was a mess).

5. I had coffee with Anne today, and it was a delight. Meeting blog friends in real life is THE BEST. We kept referencing all of you in conversation-- so FUN!

Sick when you don't have time to be sick: a rant

 The urgent care doc-- and his nurse-- both urged me to use a neti pot twice a day to rinse my sinuses. Today was the first time I tried it because my sinuses have been completely and totally clogged for the past 6 days and also neti pots freak me out.  I used it, though, because I HAVE BEEN A FULL TIME MOUTH BREATHER. 

One nostril worked great, but the other one DID NOT DRAIN and there is a tiny teapot of water lodged in my sinuses. My face is beyond puffy, and it is very much freaking me out and validating all my neti pot feels.

BUT I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER. I CAN BREATH WITH MY MOUTH CLOSED. It feels miraculous. (Also  I am sure a parasite is eating my brain right now even though I used distilled water).

I am so angry at anti-vaxxers and our lost pertussis herd immunity. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY? The pertussis vaccine has been around since NINETEEN FOURTEEN YOU GUYS. And the one we get today? HAS BEEN AROUND SINCE I WAS IN JUNIOR HIGH, which was a VERY LONG TIME AGO. Scientists have studied it. IT IS SAFE . What's not safe? FREAKING WHOOPING COUGH.

People keep asking me if I feel better, and I think that I do, that I have felt a tiny bit better every day since Thanksgiving. A few days ago I stopped taking over the counter pain meds to just function because my body no longer ached all the time. For the past 3 days, I have only eaten, like, 2 or 3 cough drops a day. I am no longer slathered in Vics. But! I do not feel ALL better, and I was sick for so long, just going about my life, spreading my terrible disease, that I don't really remember what all better feels like. 

Because I didn't have a fever, it was easy to say oh well it's just a cough. I got used to giving myself a pep talk before I did simple things like PUT ON PANTS (because my hips were super achy so lifting one leg up actually HURT ME) that I gradually normalized how awful I felt physically and just started hating my life circumstances more broadly.

I have been SO DEPRESSED about everything-- my life path, my career trajectory, the amount of people who take up space and make messes in my house, aging, solo-parenting for half the week while also working, my red face, my fatter-than-normal middle-aged stomach-- all of the things. I also did really half-assed workouts (BECAUSE I HAD PNEUMONIA FFS) and was feeling down about that. All of this is to say, I was SO RELIEVED to discover I was ACTUALLY SICK, and I feel much better about my life, generally.

What really disturbs me though is how easy it was to ignore or downplay how terrible I felt. I chalked a lot of my malaise-- even chest pains from FREAKING PNEUMONIA-- up to mental health concerns and then even dismissed THOSE. I think it's because I am generally always pretty sure something terrible is wrong with me, so part of me is always telling myself to calm down. I also think Ben was stressed about some schedule changes he is making to accommodate both my weird end-of-semester schedule and some stuff on his work calendar, so he really did not want me to be sick and also tends to talk me off the hypochondria ledge quite a bit as part of his job as My Person.

The whole thing reminds me of a terribly depressing book I read about a woman who has a heart attack and her family DOES NOT EVEN NOTICE. (She also doesn't notice and the whole thing feels TOO REAL).

Anyway-- except for the extremely red nose and puffy face, I really am almost all better. Thanks for listening to me complain. Onward and upward, friends.

Some things I am loving right now:

PAJAMA DAY MINNIE

Also!! CHRISTMAS BEDS! (And yeah-- if I had the energy to change 7 beds in one day, I must be feeling better!!)

Even CHRISTMAS SHEETS! (for the girls and for me and Ben-- the boys all wanted flannel, and our flannel sheets are not themed).

When I change beds every week, I changed sheets, blankets and also comforters. In regular life, everyone but Minnie has duvet covers, and I have at least one spare for each bed, so I just take one off and pop a new one on. I do not have back up Christmas comforters, though, so it's a bunch of extra December laundry **whomp whomp**

One more thing I love: THESE candy/pretzel things. We have already eaten almost 200 (playing Cards Agianst Humanity-- so fun!)

November: What I Read

 YOU GUYS. I was too sick to READ! November was TERRIBLE.

But! The books I did manage to plow through were great. Here they are from worst to best:

Leather and Lark by Brynne Weaver: This series is not for me. I did not like the first one, but I tried again, and it is still a nope. **2024 **Audio

One by One by Freida McFadden: We've talked before about how I love her terrible books, yes? They're so terrible but in her real life she's a brain surgeon, and I am fascinated. **Audio

The Life Impossible by Matt Haig: This was weird, even for him. **2024

Playground by Richard Powers: I really wanted to love this, but I only just liked it. **2024

Intermezzo by Sally Rooney: I liked this one a lot, but I always think I am not quite smart enough to appreciate her all the way. **2024

Someone in the Attic by Andrea Mara: SO SCARY OMG. I had to stop reading it when Ben was gone. **2024

The Blue Bistro by Elin Hilderbrand: I haven't read ALL of her books. YET. **Audio

Sandwich by Catherine Newman: A charming delight of a book. **2024

A Reason to See You Again by Jami Attenberg: I loved Attenberg and think everyone else should, too. **2024

Headshot by Rita Bullwinkel: This is FANTASTIC and a really quick read but not necessarily light-- about girl boxers. I loved how the authored narrowed and widened her lens-- reminded me of Tommy Orange in that way. **2024

Colored Television by Danzy Senna: This book is GREAT-- family drama plus Hollywood drama plus race, class, and gender critique-- loved it. **2024

The Grey Wolf by Louise Penny: The 19th Gamache book did not disappoint. I really SAVORED this one because a new Louise Penny is a treat. **Audio **2024

THE STATS

This month: 12 books

Audio books: 4

Real books: 8

2024 books: 10

This year: 151

Audio: 65

With my eyes: 86

Books published in 2024: 91

Little preview of December to close since I hit the library hlds jackpot:

I did not mean to be a public health threat

 The urgent care doc on Thanksgiving morning was WONDERFUL. He knew my diagnosis would likely freak me out, and he was SO NICE and SO REASSURING. I was even able to call his nurse the next day and ask for cough suppressant tablets and a rescue inhaler. He said my lungs were clear, told me what to look for in terms of antibiotic resistance (I am on 2 different antibiotics-- one for the sinus infection-- and he said the walking pneumonia and pertussis they're seeing aren't always responding to the z-pack. AWESOME), was in excellent holiday spirits, etc.

I asked him if I should stay home from Thanksgiving, and he said he would not necessarily want me at his table but I had been sick for 16 days at that point and was fever-free so likely not that contagious. He said it was up to me but I was ok to go. So I did. 

I really did FEEL fine (except for the chesty cough). 

We had a lovely time.

Ben sent a message to Minnie's doctor (whom we had JUST SEEN for an ear infection on Wednesday-- and I was not wearing a mask (even though I WAS wearing. a mask two weeks ago at Jack's check up) because my cough was much less frequent and I felt FINE but then toward the end of the visit, I coughed like someone in a Victorian novel dying of something that was until just a few years ago vaccine preventable but then everyone stopped getting vaccines hashtag FML and the doc was like oh you're sick, too, and I was SO EMBARRASSED and SO regretted not wearing a mask and I was like no really I am so much better.) asking if she should be re-evaluated for her cough in light of my illness, and we went to bed, humidifier blazing.

WELL. At 8am on Black Friday, the pediatrician called me to be like OH MY GOODNESS EVERYONE NEEDS TO BE ON ANTIBIOTICS AND ALSO QUARANTINE. Especially Ben and Cooper, who both had a cough. She said Minnie and I were likely OK because we have been sick for more than 2 weeks, but the rest of the fam was a super spreading cell of disease. AND BEN WAS BLACK FRIDAY SHOPPING AT THAT EXACT MOMENT **head desk** I did not mention that part (although in light of the no-mask coughing situation, she would surely not have been surprised-- just disappointed). So anyway-- she prescribed z-packs for all, and we are resting nicely in our germ bubble. We even made turkey and ham and all of the things yesterday so we'd have leftovers.

To make room for our living room tree, we just sort of tipped the whole room back and to the left.

And we shrunk down our table from 8 people to 6 even though there are 7 of us.

Germy germy cookies

Annabel was not a super helpful tree decorator, as you might imagine. Especially because Minnie hung so many low ornaments of the front tree.

I seriously love this dog.

Minne was THE CUTEST tree decorator.

So was Dorothy.

I took ten thousand pics like this.

Annabel loves Dorothy the most.

Minnie said she was most thankful for baking with me, so we immediately made pies.

Second Thanksgiving.

Annabel is going to eat the tree. It's just a matter of time.

I LOVE THIS TREE SO MUCH. Although maybe I put on too many strings of lights. 

It took 2 hours to clean up dinner last night, and I felt like I might die, but then Jack made this morning's pull apart cinnamon rolls because he is THE BEST.

SO FESTIVE.

Ben took the kids to to tree farm (we are doing outside things just like COVID times), and I stayed home to rest but then instead of resting, I made fluffy jello, stuffing from scratch, green bean casserole, and a veggie tray. I also got the brussels sprouts ready to roast. I AM WHO I AM, and dinner was not going to make itself.

5 on a Friday: ugh I just don't want to break the chain (49/52)

1. I don't have much to say because I am SICK. 

2. When I woke up on Thanksgiving morning, I felt like I had a block of concrete in my sinuses. I was on DAY SIXTEEN of a terrible cough. Days one and two saw a mild fever/chills and some body aches, but days 3-14 were just the cough. I think I had a fever on day 15, and Wednesday night I felt kind of crappy at bedtime. Thursday morning, I was SURE I had a sinus infection, so I went to urgent care.

3. Where I was diagnosed with a sinus infection. 

4. And also PNEUMONIA and PERTUSSIS. Oops.

5. Also Minnie has an ear infection.

Happy Thanksgiving

 Happy Thanksgiving, my friends. I wish you delicious food and wonderful conversation with your favorite people in the world. As always, I am so thankful for this blog and all the people I have met through it.

On this day, I am enjoying extended family and eating until I burst, drinking too much (but it always seems like not enough) champagne and thinking about the people I would also like to gather with who are at their own tables having their own dinners and hopefully also thinking about me.

I am remembering all of the Thanksgivings of my childhood and early grown-up years that I took for granted-- all those years I assumed would come again and again and again with the same face across the candles, the same mishmash of food smeared on the same china. I miss everyone-- my babies when they were babies, my young self who was so careless with time and had SO MUCH HAIR, my grandparents, my grandparents' siblings, my dad. 

Here's to the happy golden days and knowing when we're living them.