Aging

 I broke my yoga every day streak last week. Lemme tell you about it.

On Thursday, March 5, I used my 15-pound dumbbells to do a chest fly in a glutes bridge (I usually use 8 or 12). At the time, during the second set (of three!), I was like oh shit that felt really pull-y. I need to remind myself when my chest hurts that I am NOT having a heart attack.

I felt OK that day and the next, but I did feel some muscle tightness and tenderness on Saturday. And Sunday. Worse on Monday. Really painful despite a couple ibuprofen around the clock on Tuesday. Ditto Wednesday, when the pain crept from the right side to the middle of my chest and woke me up in the middle of the night. On Thursday, it was more of a stabby pain any time I breathed too deeply, coughed, or laughed really hard (which I did when I volunteered in Minnie's class because those kids said some ridiculous things), plus when I straightened up after bending or leaning forward.

Did I stop doing weights or yoga, you ask? Well, no not really. I did yoga every day until Thursday, and I lifted weights (different workout but same weight range and upper body all of it) Monday and Tuesday.

I also ran every day, figuring if I could run and not feel worse, I was probably fine.

But! On Thursday, walking home from Minnie's school after volunteering, I called Ben to tell him the silly things the kids said and laughed again, and it really hurt to laugh. Sooooooooo, I thought about my dad's history of DVT and death from pulmonary embolism, my estrogen patch, the fact that the pain was weirdly worse for a second every time I stood up from bending over--- and I called my doctor.

Apparently when you are 47 years old with a family clot history and borderline high blood pressure from your estrogen patch, when you say chest pain, doctors do not fuck around. 

Within HOURS, I had a chest x-ray, a shit ton of labs, an EKG, and a thorough examination by a really smart urgent care doc who def did his homework and had read my chart so carefully and knew everything I talked about with the triage nurse on the phone, including my troubling family history that he was very sweet and sensitive about-- seriously A++++ beside manner.

(I should have made a note to self to also not worry about blood clots)

I was really sweating it because I always think there is something wrong with me, like as a baseline, and because my chest really hurt.

The x-ray results came to my phone while I waited, and they were fine-- but an x-ray would not show a blood clot. My CBC was fine. My metabolic panel was fine. But! The D-dimer test (used to rule out blood clots) and troponin test (used to detect heart muscle damage) were not released to me before I saw the doctor, and the nurse said nothing about my EKG, but I knew my pulse and BP were not ideal since I was actively losing my shit.

Plus! I missed picking up Dorothy and Cooper and Dorothy's friend that we drive to dance and had to text her mom to swoop in and save the day. Also! I had a meeting in the afternoon right before I darted into urgent care that was later than Minnie's pick up time, so Jack picked her up, but then he had to cancel his plans and hang with her until after my appointment. And I was REALLY WORRIED that I would actually have to go to the ED, not home.

Based on one million tests and my general presentation in the clinic including the fact that I ran three miles no prob every day the week of the chest pain, the doctor could confidently say... I am fine (better than fine, he offered kindly) and pulled a muscle in my chest.

I will likely experience chest pain for maybe weeks as my muscle heals and should take handfuls of ibuprofen at regular intervals. Which! When it is a knee or a hip or a shoulder that hurts, I totally know that the pain will linger and is NBD. But a chest??!! Not as easy (for me anyway) to be chill about. Except! My chest has definitely started to feel better, and I wonder if my worry was making me all stiff and weird-- like, my posture is even relaxed now.

 BUT MAN DID I FEEL DUMB for making all that fuss over a strained muscle my goodness. The doc was my same age, and he said we are old enough that stuff like this-- especially chest pain of any kind-- has to be checked out and peace of mind is the "price of admission." Which of course made me wonder how much all of these incredibly fast and efficient tests will cost me...

Speaking of being an old lady, you guys! I took a pic of this and texted it to Ben because it is genuinely something I want for my birthday

DOROTHY IS 13!!!

 CAN YOU EVEN BELIEVE IT!

She is currently THRILLED by her absolutely beautiful new necklace and also kind of pissed at us for not letting her get Instagram. Which pretty much sums up the age.

We had an excellent time taking her on her annual birthday shopping spree (a day early because BLIZZARD on her birthday), watching the Oscars with appetizer dinner as a family, having dinner out as a family on Saturday to celebrate both her and Ben, and hosting 9 of her closest friends on Ben's birthday (LOL LOL LOL) to kick off the weekend.

Earnest homemade bday cake for her actual bday (Sunday)  (the same one I made for Ben, actually-- made 2 in a row!)

Ben's cake on Friday:

Minnie, the best helper on Sunday:

She also helped on Friday:

Dorothy got a bonus bday gift of a day-after-bday-snow-day from her school district

Presents on Sunday AM (she got a gorg necklace and then a bunch of little things, since the necklace and her shopping spree were her main gifts). The Sol was from Jack-- the only one she didn't have, which was super sweet.

This is her favorite t-shirt from Target 2 summers ago that got horribly stained by ink in the wash. I found the exact one in the exact size NWT on eBay!!!

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Birthday morning!

She spent her birthday cash from my mom at Ulta (you guys! the SUPER CHEAP brand Essence has THE BEST mascara and liquid eyeliner. We are talking a FIVE DOLLAR price point, and the liquid liner has a stamp on one end to do a perfect wing) (She also got Drunk Elephant skincare and more Sol LOL LOL LOL)

Her other grandparents gifted her an Aerie card, and I augmented it slightly because she found SO MUCH cute stuff for spring!

Lulu because of course

Free People (she is finally an XXS there!!) (It is hard to have the style want of an adult-sized person but actually be the size of a 9 year-old) (Especially when you have really long arms)

Shopping spree a decade ago

Necklace!

(Random interlude of Annabel someplace she is def not supposed to be and acting sneaky about it)

Cookie cake for her Friday night bash

The place where I got the cake also has boba tea, and this was my very intense party order:

Such sweet girls

Birthday boy Ben quietly cleaning up trash. LVING THE DREAM

Yay!

A super nice bottle of red to really cheers 47  after the girls went home

She's THIRTEEN you guys!!!

(Also I won the Oscar brackets-- HA!)

Happy!! Birthday!! BEN!!!!

 Ben is 47 today, ushering in the 2-month (to the day!) period where we are the same age. Soon, I will be 48 **whomp whomp.**

So! IHO the big day, here are my favorite pics of Ben from last March 13 through today. IN RANDOM ORDER because sometimes Blogger is a real pain.

BRB-- busy celebrating :)

Hello from your random friend

I am too scattered and busy for linear thinking and narrative, my friends. So you get... stream of consciousness guided by random pictures on my phone. Yay! 

 I am just going to drop this one pic to represent the others I have taken of Minnie EVERY SINGLE MORNING on her way to kindergarten. I cannot wait to assemble these into a video at the end of the school year (they are all live photos). The FIG is the whole collection, though-- or maybe the act of taking the pic every morning, the privilege of walking to school with her warm little hand in mind-- all of it.

Okay. Maybe this one, too

Leggings, Uggs, and sequins for date night, A jarring combo, to be sure. BUT I LOVED IT.

And then! I wore slipper Uggs on another date. I AM WHO I AM.

I like nothing more than taking the dog for a walk in the afternoon while Minnie scooters along in front of us-- it is cuteness overload every time.

And I know! The time change is the pits, but here we are scootering and walking at SEVEN FIFTEEN PM!

Oh wow, guys. It was foggy and humid and drizzly here, and I accidentally  had Duggar hair.

Do you think Dorothy picked a color scheme to match her dog on purpose?

Ben and I ate a pizza the other night-- in accidental symmetry. #meanttobetogether

Anne, again

 I have had the most lovely first quarter listening to all of the Anne books on Audible. I always knew that Anne's House of Dreams was just killer sad (the baby who dies! the death of sweet old Captain Jim! the move away from the little house on the shore!), but I forgot how devastating and wonderful Rilla of Ingleside is. And how absolutely TERRIFYING to look back on a WWI novel as the US picks a foreign war that is already having worldwide consequences.

Then.

I stuck my toe into the waters of LM Montgomery scholarship and WOW. I listened to Montgomery scholar and University of Prince Edward Island professor Kate Scarth's Great Courses lectures The Life and Works of L.M. Montgomery and The Landscapes of Anne of Green Gables by Catherine Reid on Audible, and I found out that there's a posthumously published 9th book, The Blythes Are Quoted (published in the abridged form as The Road to Yesterday). Cannot even WAIT to dive into these. There's also a journal for Montgomery scholarship that looks so interesting, and I really want to read her memoir and journals.

A few years ago, I reread the Anne series and ranked the books like this:

1. Anne’s House of Dreams

2. Anne of Green Gables

3. Anne of Ingleside

4. Anne of Avonlea

5. Anne of Windy Poplars

6. Rilla of Ingleside

7. Anne of the Island

8. Rainbow Valley

After listening to them, I have revised my ranking:

1. Anne of Green Gables

2. Rilla of Ingleside

3. Anne's House of Dreams

4. Anne of Ingleside

5. Anne of the Island

6. Rainbow Valley

7. Anne of Avonlea

8. Anne of Windy Poplars

I loved reading about Anne and her friends setting up housekeeping, and I found myself just fascinated by the idea of making house the whole series through. I think I will dive into some hardcore Montgomery research and then revisit these texts again and see how my rankings hold up.

Anne influenced my ideas of wifehood and motherhood so much (and I really didn't realize how much until I listened to the whole series.) Thinking about LM Montgomery's real life and Anne's life together is so sad, you guys, and so intriguing. I am going to think more about all of this and write something more coherent. For now, let me just say that the existence of this scholarship is so exciting.

Also, I have been carried away, Anne-like, by the beauty of the morning just about every morning I am out running. Look at this pastel dawn with a full (I think) moon

Also! Apropos of nothing, THESE ICE CREAM BARS. YOU GUYS. 

What are your thoughts on the Anne books? What's YOUR definitive ranking?