Sunday, April 29, 2012

Completely not fun

Friday night, as I was tucking Harry into bed he asked what our Saturday plans were. I told him we were going sink and tile shopping, and he looked up from the book of tracing and mazes he works on every night as he waits to fall asleep and listens to Jack snoring beneath him.

"That sounds completely not fun," he said. "Not fun at all," he repeated, in case I didn't hear him.

And you know what?

With that kind of attitude, it sure wasn't.

I mentioned that our floors are being replaced, right?  Well they're not the only thing that's screwed up in this house.  Our kitchen cabinets aren't level, so the counter top slopes toward the floor, meaning any water we get on the counter slops down the fronts of the cabinets and onto the floor.  NOT COOL.  Not cool at all.  The bottom-side of the counter top is totally ruined all around the sink (and random other places).  At first, the builder wanted to have the counter top guys come and sand down the bottom of the counters and seal them, but we freaked out.  Then they discovered that the counters weren't level, and now the cabinet people have to come in and fix the cabinets (replacing some fronts and leveling them all); then we'll get a new piece of counter.  We went back and forth with the warranty department about the counters because we wanted to chuck the old ones and get new ones, with an upgraded surface (we totally HATE our counters), but we decided to keep the old ones for now (well, new counters, but the same pattern/surface).  So, we're getting a back splash and a new kitchen sink (I hate our kitchen sink) and, you know, floors.

Such a pain in the ass, right?  Right.  Expect lots more complaining as the date draws near, and I have to take everything out of my kitchen cabinets and not use the main floor of my house for a couple of days.  Bah.

And now!  With no segue!  Cooper!  In a  diaper!
Doesn't he look like he's going to move any second?  Totally misleading; he just flops forward and slithers on his tummy.

He's totally judging me

I love how round he is-- round head, round face, round nose, round eyes, round eyebrows.

2 great things about this picture: his fat, fat knee and the eye lashes on his little shadow

Where did his lips go?

Wednesday, April 25, 2012


Some crazy shit went down in the dollhouse today.
I asked Harry for clarification.

He seemed to anticipate my ultimate inquiry-- WTF is going on with the rhino, man?

Jack's school is having a toy drive, and his teachers have been hyping up the idea of charitable donation to the special snowflakes, who came up with totally ridiculous we're-too-privileged-for-our-own-good-and-might-grow-up-to-be-republicans-omg-clutch-your-pearls reasons why some kids might not have toys. Lots of Andrew Carnegie, the-poor-deserve-to-be-so logic there. Anyway, I tried to involve Jack in toy selection, and he was SO GREEDY. I suggested we ditch this cumbersome planet that they never play with, and it is suddenly his top toy.
But still, we set aside the big action figures who came with the planet and are not the same scale as any of the rest of their toys, a gorilla that walks on his knuckles (or would if he ever had batteries, but since neither Jack nor Harry can ever remember to turn off a toy, he's usually powerless), and a Fisher Price baby phone that we bought Cooper for Chrismukkah only to discover the exact same phone in a box of baby toys in our storage room.
(He totes loves it, BTW)
Tonight, Jack burst into sad, sad tears as he was climbing into his bed about how much he was going to miss those toys. I tried to build him up with a big speech about what a great thing he was doing to donate his toys to kids who needed toys, but h was so wretchedly sad about it, I totally caved and said we'd just donate the phone. I AM THE PROBLEM. IT IS MY FAULT THAT ENTITLEMENT PROGRAMS ARE ON THE CHOPPING BLOCK BECAUSE MY KIDS ARE SO ENTITLED ACTING. I threw in an extra Power Rangers samurai morpher I found stashed in my bathroom closet still in the package (WTF?). You guys, we have SO MANY TOYS. Harry's last playdate paused at the door to our playroom and said, "Wow, you have more toys than a toy store." You would barf from the excess of it all if you walked into our storage room and saw all of the SHELVES of unopened board games and toys that are waiting to be rotated into the mix. No wonder they are so greedy.

Greedy but also adorable!
Which is probably what Mitt Romney's mother said about him.

Cooper woke up crabby, and I needed to brush my teeth, so I plopped him in a bathroom sink: Instant good mood!
Oh! I tried o get a bang trim on Monday but the beauty school by my office was closed (what can I say-- I like the thrill), and I was too busy with students and meetings and children on Tuesday, and I was 110% mom today, and MY BANGS HAVE EATEN MY FACE.
BUT! All those years of slumber parties in the 80s really paid off-- check out my awesome French braid
Cooper is moving into that stage where he just destroys shit full time. Now he's a part time destroyer because he can only slither on his tummy and roll places and he can't always get to a sitting position by himself, so he has to be placed by shelves and cabinets to really do some damage. He full on ate that Dora book, BTW, and I had to throw the page pieces away.
Oh! Shit! I forgot: We are getting a new floor because ours is defective. Bummer, sort of because what a PITA, but awesome because a free new floor? Sure! We currently have Shaw Laminate in trinity ash, and we like it, but we are considering hardwood instead. It has to be Shaw since the manufacturer is paying. Opinions on fake wood vs. real?

Jack is such a happy little elf on days that it's just me and him and Cooper. But then we pick up Harry and he turns into the menacing little brother from hell who screams a lot and jumps on stuff.
Ben and I got mad at Harry a couple weeks ago, and told him to stop bringing home work that was illegible (because he goofs off sometimes and just flat out scribbles on his paper). He has since stepped it up big time, and he stands next to us with a sweet little nervous smile while we look at his work folder. Today I said, "Wow, harry. This 'fish persin' is awesome, and so in this 'bat tung'" (I LOVE kindergarten spelling), and he said "I know. I am doing my best work." So sweet!
He also loves eating his after school snack outside. And I? Love not cleaning up crumbs.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Bagel Faces

The bagel faces are back! The bagel faces are back!

Right before I had Cooper, I made cute little bagel faces for after school snack and posted them on Facebook because I was 41 weeks pregnant and very proud that I still had what it took to stand upright long enough to smear some cream cheese on a bread product and cut fruit into odd shapes. These particular bagel faces also matchstick carrot hair, but I digress. Amy made a comment like hahaha, my days of bagel faces were numbered because once the baby came, I would toss a plain bagel at my kids and call that snack. At the time, I was all "Whatever, Amy. I will bento box the shit out of every organic scrap in this kitchen WHILE breastfeeding and writing 2 journal articles."

 But then I had the baby and everything went to hell. OF COURSE.

7 months later, though, THE BAGEL FACES ARE BACK! Which is, of course, a metaphor. We have our ducks in a cute little healthy row again, finally. We have a routine. We're back to normal. Better than normal because Cooper is so affable and cuddly and part of us now. But, really, normalcy been a long time coming, and there are a few caveats.

I am still fat as hell and eating like a linebacker. I am a good 20 pounds heavier than normal, and the worst part is, I have gotten USED to it and have an entire 2 season wardrobe of fat clothes since I had to buy spring clothes for this ass and a half I am sporting. I planned to be skinny by now and buying all my clothes at Anthropologie, but since I am fluffy, it's all Gap ad J Crew for me. Anthro in the fall??? Not unless I get my fat hands out of the kids' Easter candy. Which doesn't seem to be happening since I am surrounded by M&M wrappers right now. And the muscle tone in my stomach? Ha freaking ha WHAT MUSCLE TONE? And we are heading into swimsuit season. Oh the horror.

 I haven't done a damn thing at work all year besides course prep, teaching, course administration, and grading. Luckily, those are the things I am paid to do, since my position is not tenure track and does not include research. But seriously, people. How long am I going to do nothing with my dissertation? Because we are going on 3 years,and it gets more depressing everyday. Soon, the weight of not writing is going to be so heavy I won't be able to ever lift my pen again.

 Ditto on the fiction. For the first time ever, I have a great plot (plot has never been my strong suit, which is why I minored in poetry) but NO TIME to write. NONE.

 I still don't have it quite together in terms of daily housework. Tonight for example, my slow cooker chicken on the bone fell apart in the slow cooker because it was so tender and juicy and delicious. So I served everyone a huge plate of hidden chicken bones and almost killed us all. Ben swallowed one and threw up and called urgent care. If we had a dog, it would have died for sure.

 Cooper's mission in life is to hunt down and mess with ALL THE DOOR STOPS

Harry joined a soccer team that practices across the street and is made up of all his kindergarten friends and is preshus.

BUT practice is on the one night a week that Ben teaches a night class and I have to take them all to practice and Jack gets a little whiny in the evening

Which reminds me, doing bedtime for 3 is a real pain by myself-- definitely would get a sad bagel face if all my emoticons were anthropomorphic breakfast foods. Which? They totally should be.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Jack's birthday again!

The final phase of Operation 4th Birthday was Jack's class party at the Little Gym.

We let Harry bring a friend, which was a total genius move on our part because the only time he was jerky was after her dad picked her up. She said the party was the most fun she's ever had, which was sweet. A mom in Jack's LG gymnastics class said she just got back from Dubai and there's a Little Gym there EXACTLY like the one in our town. I used to think a library was the only place I'd feel completely at home anywhere in the world, but now I can add the big! red! mat! to that list.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Jack is 4!

Our little Jack turned 4 yesterday, and today, we took him to the pediatrician for his well-child check and surprised him with vaccines! Surprise! He hated the shots and pronounced them hurty. Saturday, he rounds out his birthday celebration with a class party, meaning he will have had 3 separate 4-year-old parties if you count yesterday's Jack-centered day. He had cake for breakfast, took cupcakes to school, made a trip to the toy store with me after school, honed in on Harry's playdate, and had a birthday dinner at our favorite birthday-happy bar.

Delicious!  And organic!  And still from a box!  (Made my own icing, though)
Harry was jamming to Jack's singing balloon.  Jack could not wait to play with his new fire station

Cooper had no clue what was going on.  He knew it was unusual to visit the toy room before breakfast.

Such a happy little elf

No trick candles this time

Dinner at the birthday place

With his bottomless milk mug

Harry does not fool around or pose for pictures when there is a tiny sundae to eat.

Riding his new bike

Cooper creeped all the way over to the dresser so he could eat the knobs.

Cooper likes to drum, just like Harry did when he was little:

Sunday, April 15, 2012


Yesterday, Ben took Jack to campus to do some speech stuff because Jack will sit quietly an stare at an iPad for as long as he is allowed, making him a perfect take to work child. Harry and Cooper and I decided to test our immunities at the Children's museum.
I accidentally took this picture of Cooper trying to rip my glasses off my face, but I like it because this is him in the Ergo, doing what he does.

Harry needed to stop at Walgreens for a bag of tooth-rotting candy and some giant Bucky Badger sunglasses.  Essentials. (He already had the old man hat)

Giant hamster wheel.  Wish the kids had one of these in their room.

Proud of his recycled art that he left for others to enjoy.

All he wanted to do was wash the paint wall, which is weird because at home, all he wants to do is make a freaking mess.

Making me a germy felt pizza

Cooper kicked it in the Ergo and played with his pacifier

This 3-week-old lamb was so cute, Harry couldn't help but talk baby talk to it.  He said, "Oh, aren't you so fuzzy wuzzy little lambie?"  Flash forward 2 hours to us standing at the Whole Foods butcher counter where I ordered lamb chops and Harry stared at me with horror and revulsion.  Jack loves lamb, by the way.  He kept asking for more of the sheep chicken.

View from the rooftop

His view was way better

Coop ate oatmeal, but Harry and I were thrilled to find our favorite pizza place in the museum lobby.  It replaced a total lamesauce kiddie cafe.

Piloting this half plane very seriously

getting his hair did

Harry joined this other random kid dancing to this guy's music.  Then he called Radio Disney and talked about how he just "jammed out."

I never get to take Harry out without Jack. We had a lovely time.