Tuesday, January 02, 2024

New Rhythms

 I just… don’t want to set any goals this year. 

2023 was ok for me— we lost Ben’s lovely grandma and our sweet, smelly Beatrix. I had some family drama related to my middle brother; various family members are dealing with illness, lots of workplace upheaval, etc. I think last year showed me (how many times do I need to be shown, though?) that I can’t control everything, no matter how many days I nail my arm workout goals, you know?

I mean, OF COURSE I am still going to exercise for at least 50 minutes 6 days a week, plus do arms and abs. Because that’s a thing I do to make myself happy, regardless of any lists, etc. I want to go to the beach this year and take a kitschy spring break trip with the whole fam (last one???). I want to hit up the Pekin Marigold festival and enjoy the heck out of Harry’s high school graduation weekend. I want to drink more water.

I don’t need to put stuff likely monthly mani/pedis on a list because of course I will go get them. I wil read a bunch of books because— I mean— that’s just what I do.

I wasn’t even going to do the yearly habit challenge that Gretchen Rubin runs every year— but then her IG account shared a picture of Dorothy and me going outside for 23 in 23, and I decided to give write for 24 in 24 a go (but I am not counting this blog toward that goal— I make time for this writing anyway— surely I can magic up 24 extra minutes to work on… something else).



BUT. I can identify some things in my life that are going less smoothly than I would like them to— and those are the things I want to fix. For me 2024 is the year of new rhythms. 

There are some problems in my life that all have to do with routines not working anymore. My menstrual cycle is all over the darn place, like a Judy Blume novel with wrinkles. We spend 1/5 of our waking hours IN THE CAR. No one is ever home to eat the dinners I make, but we can’t just go through the drive through all of the time. Can I live a productive life and also sleep past 5 am? How can we spend quality time with our big kids and still see each other at the end of the day? When Do Cooper and Dorothy need to be included in later night hangs? I need to figure out how to dress my changing body and where to shop in middle age. I think I am ready to stop coloring my hair,  After Harry graduates in June, we are looking at a solid decade of kids in college. THE TIMES ARE A CHANGING, and this is a year for me to figure out how to change with them.

As an upholder, I don’t really need outside accountability, but I am going to use this space to bring up rhythms that are out of sync for me and brainstorm ways to reset them. 

The tricks is to figure out how to do that without making 2024 the year of complaining. Maybe I need to do my own happiness project? Thoughts on how to tackle this task?


24 comments:

  1. Sarah, I totally get this. Well, not totally, I don't have five kids or a job in academia. But I am the same - I am always going to do my exercise and meditate and read, etc. etc. etc., but when things start to change we have to figure out how to change with them. I strongly encourage you to go on that spring break trip, no matter what it may be, because you are right - it might be the last one of all togetherness. Or, the last for a while. We did that last year (J graduated high school) and now with working and M in university, no one's schedules match at all. I look forward to following along with you this year. I have no thoughts or advice, but just...support I guess! xo

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    1. Thank you!! We are definitely taking a trip of some kind— I gotta let go of my fear of flying.

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  2. I took several years off from goals because I just couldn't ask another thing of myself on top of all the other stuff I had going on. Then I set goals for 2023 and only accomplished half of them so felt a lot of shame and disappointment when looking at that list. So in 2024 I'm going to set quarterly goals so I can flex to what I need out of the coming 3 months. That seems more doable than saying I will do X thing by 12/31/24 when life could throw me a curveball. I'm an upholder, too, so I can still achieve things without need a list of goals.

    You have a lot going on this year since your oldest graduating from high school and adjusting to Ben's new job amidst everything else!

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    1. I think quarterly goals are a great idea!

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  3. It is a big year, Sarah and I think you're going in with great spirit and attitude. I too am here, as Nicole says, with support should you need it.

    College definitely changes the rhythm of family life, but you will find ways to keep what's important to you. Sorry about the family dramz. I have a couple of things brewing too, and biting my tongue is the only thing that has worked so far.

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    1. Ugh family dramz. Solidarity. Thanks for the support— I will definitely need to lean on moms of college kids— I can’t believe that’s going to be me already.

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  4. Yay, we're goalless buddies! I always make goals and I like it...but could really sense I needed a year off from that.
    You have a lot of moving parts and I wish I had all the answers and solutions for you, but think your fun plans are amazing, fully support doing whatever you want with your hair, and WOW YOU WERE ON GR'S INSTAGRAM.
    Can't wait to follow along with your journey and hope 2024 is a peaceful, happy (and healthy - you DESERVE HEALTHY AFTER THIS FALL!!!) year for you and yours <3

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    1. You were my goal-less inspo! I was like NOT SETTING YEARLY GOALS AND MAKING LISTS IS A THING I CAN DO?!

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  5. Love the reflection on what is coming - WOW YES you are in major shifting season with kids headed to college (but also still lots of young ones + #kidlife at home). Excited to follow along. However, as a fellow upholder I can't figure out how NOT to make 58734837 goals. They are my personal love language!

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    1. LOL upholders unite. This is usually me, too, but I am trying to go with the flow because this year is daunting

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  6. This is so relatable. I don't bother to set goals each year. I'm gonna workout every dang day, because it makes me feel good and it gives me energy. I'd like to stay more on top of the housework, but that also has me thinking I need to make a better chore list for my peeps.

    I'm a few steps ahead of you on the college age kids and I vividly remember when Mini demaned to be included in our movie watching club with her older brothers and requested a later bedtime. Having kids in college is so different, but it is also so amazing. Change is hard, but it comes with perks. I remember the constant driving around in the car - I hated that. Our 'fast food' was meals I made served in the backseat in a thermos or on a paper plate. Curly retiring from Irish dancing was life giving.

    I hate to make blanket statements, but 2023 was incredibly rough on so many fronts. I am also not sure why I have yet to learn that I can't control everything.

    Here's to a great 2024 and embracing new rhythms.

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    1. Thank you for the glimpse of a happy future— it is hard to imagine life without all the kids at home

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  7. I don't have an answer for you, but about half of my goals every year are things I know I can get easy wins on (read! exercise!) and those wins make me feel more confident on some of the harder things. Also, I am an obliger, not an upholder, so I have to tell the world my goals or I will just sit on the couch and read.

    If I were you, maybe I would think more about priorities than goals. What are the important things you need to figure out? Routine? Driving responsibilities? Vacation planning? Would that help at all?

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    1. This is GREAT advice because my priorities can stay the same in the face of huge change. Thanks!

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  8. I have been contemplating not making goals this year too, when really I STATE PLAINLY that I don't make goals but they turn into goals and then I hate myself for not achieving them. Funsies. Anyway. I like your plan to find new rhythms. That sounds really hard and really worthwhile.

    Also this is the second time in recent posts that you have alluded to a special writing project and I want to know more please and thank you.

    I have no advice. I have no idea how to find new rhythms for myself. Maybe it's something you just have to allow, rather than trying to force? But I am so interested in how you go about establishing these new routines.

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    1. Yes— good point— something to allow and take note of, not necessarily prescribe. I like this— and it lets me spend the start of this year observing current rhythms.

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  9. Well- you're definitely aware of the challenges you're facing. I also have no advice, other than saying that I think I'm going to set monthly goals instead of yearly. Yearly just seems to daunting.
    I was thinking of doing the Gretchen Rubin challenge, but am just now realizing I missed the first two days. SIGH. I can still start it late. I might do the 2-4 minute option though... if you do the full 24 minutes (on top of your blog writing) I'll be very impressed.
    Good luck with your 2024 quest! I can't wait to follow along.

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    1. Monthly goals are a great idea! I like the 2-4 minute option, too, and I think if I miss a day of writing, I am going to add a 2-4 minute catch up on at the end of the week for any day I missed.

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  10. I love this. One of my favorite quotes/memes/no idea where I got it is, "You are not a tree. If you're not happy, move." As another lover of routine and consistency, it takes conscious effort to really discern if something is still working for me or if I'm just doing it because that's how it's done. Maybe this is the year of bento dinners? Because you DO spend a lot of time on the move :)

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    1. It’s true! I get roped in my routines and think of them as unchangeable. I need to change the mindset first…

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  11. Oh, how much I love this post! So real. My kids are still small but soon enough I will be in your shoes. Thank you for this wonderful reflection, I'll be following along.

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  12. 2023 taught me that I cannot control things either. UGH. Your sweet Beatrix, my sweet Mulder. We fought so hard for him, with chemo and all, and it didn't last. So hard. And of course your husband's grandma. On the other hand, 2023 had a lot of good moments, and I am thankful for those.

    I have zero plans for this coming year, other than to keep on keeping on. Exercise, read, work, blog, enjoy my family, talk to friends. Try to keep our two old cars alive (though again, not sure I can control that.)

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  13. Adjusting routines is tricky and you have a lot of spinning plates. I hope you find a new rhythm in 2024.

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  14. I am so much like you - I always do certain things, and then the things I WANT to change are... hard. So I don't want to make goals and then not achieve them.
    One goal, though, for me would be to (finally) meet up with you in person, if you're game for that? And this isn't too stalker-y? :)

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