I am having a really shitty time with breastfeeding right now, and that Violent Femmes song Gone Daddy Gone is going through my head, only I have been replacing Daddy with Baby and love with milk. Because the milk is gone. Three nights ago, I woke up with leaking breasts after Cooper slept more than usual, and he nursed like normal all day. Then, yesterday, no milk. Lots of crying (me and him), much refusing the bottle no matter what was in it. Gnashing of gums, chomping of hands, not much sleeping. Today, more of the same, with grudging consumption of 1 ounce of formula and 1.5 ounces of breastmilk in a bottle. Empty breasts. Slow let down. Baby nursing for 3 minutes on each side and crying when he's done because he's not done.
This has happened before. Twice. The week after Thanksgiving and the day before New Year's Eve. Two bad, bad milkless (milk light) days and then a return to normal. Totally hormonal, right? Right? That's what the google tells me. La Leche League tells me I am not a good enough mom because my baby takes a pacifier, and this is my own damn fault because if I really loved him and wanted him to have the perfect food, I would keep all silicone nipple products out of his piehole.
So, I am hopeful that the milk will return but also worried because if it doesn't, what the hell is he going to eat? I got some new nipples for our Dr. Brown's and Vent Air bottles, thinking he might like a faster flow. I got a Tommee Tippee bottle, too, because its nipple looks totally real (creepy). I have been nursing every 2 hours and pumping even though nothing is coming out and drinking Mothers Milk Tea and lots of water. I also started remembering my prenatal vitamin again because I have been reading about low calcium from ovulation through the end of a cycle.
And of course, I have found myself in the formula aisle. Feeling like shit.
I try to feed my special snowflakes the very best of everything. Organic kale is on the menu tonight for goodness sake. I know better. I have read the mile-long, unpronounceable ingredient list on the back of the BPA-leaching can, and I don't like it, but, oh, how I wish he would just drink it. I don't want to see him cry in hunger or watch his baby fat rolls disappear.
Tips? Advice? Support? How do I get him to take a bottle he doesn't want?