1. I am starting to reset the volume of texts I get from my washer, and notifications are an all-or-nothing proposition. I GUESS I CHOOSE NOTHING, THEN.
2. I resent never having the time or the inclination to buy myself clothes unless it is a specific thing for a specific occasion. This is a bad way to buy clothes because what I end up buying turns out to be not quite right for the occasion and also not a seamless addition to my wardrobe. You know, the whole phenomenon where you try to please everyone and end up pleasing no one? Oh look. HERE I AM IN A TJ MAXX DRESS FROM 2012. GAH. (It was the only thing in my closet that truly didn’t need to be ironed before it could be worn to work, and I was running late because SEE NUMBER 3)
3. I resent that I do so much of the house management work! GAH. Ben will always do anything I ask him to do, even when he is busy and has a ton of work projects in the works, but sometimes, I do not even want to be the person who has to ASK, you know??? I need to make a list of house things and figure out what I can outsource because I feel very work/life unbalanced, and this makes me be so bitchy to everyone. I even gave Ben a hard time about the length of baseball the other night (but seriously, you guys-- he and Cooper left at 4 and didn’t get home until 9. THEY MIGHT AS WELL GOLF), and he loves coaching baseball with his friends— not something I should begrudge him spending time on. BUT I AM MAXED OUT RIGHT NOW. And then I think is this feeling even justified? Do these tasks that are burying me alive even have to be done? Or am I just performing some weird martyred version of homemaking? And I don’t even have an answer, which doesn’t, like, help my resentment, you know? Anyway, I feel like Cinderella buying a ticket to the ball (which is WORK **grumble grumble**) through housework. But the activity bags will still get packed and the house tidied without my effort, right? And if they don’t does it matter? To anyone but me?
4. I resent that the last 2 pedicures I have gotten have chipped the very first week. Am I going to have to start doing gel? Do you do gel? Dip? Tell me about it.
5. I resent being the cranky jerk who wrote this post and has all these resentments. On the whole things are lovely, but I guess I can complain.
Complain away to your heart's content... if not on your own freaking blog, then where?
ReplyDeleteYOU would never get behind on laundry, so you do not need those texts for sure.
I'm surprised to hear about the clothes because I always think you look so put together and I thought you had an extensive wardrobe--nice TJM score, BTW.
Could the kids do more housework? I think studies show increasing housework parity for partners and but a falling off for kids. Once you were talking about doing H and J beds, and I was like WHY?
No thoughts on the pedicures--I do them myself (with a tip or two from a very long ago post from you!). I do go for glitter, which clings on, and I go for pinks so chips and flakes aren't so obvious.
That picture of you and Minnie is adorable!!! She has ringlets!
The kids DO need to do more. I need better systems in place so things run themselves— like an online class…
DeleteI have done gel pedicures and they do last forever but I cannot stand the feeling of having it removed from my toes. I switched to dip to avoid the UV, but only on my nails. I just live with chipping pedicures because even a chipped pedicure looks better than my non-pedicured feet.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely chips are better than nothing!
DeleteUm, YES!! I'm here for this post and feel it hard. I solo parent about 40% of the time which also means I solo manage the house about 90% of the time because since my husband is gone so much I basically have to be across everything. There are so few things I can 100% take off my plate. Take garbage. It's every two weeks, but he might be here for one garbage cycle out of every 4 because of his work...which means I always - always - have to be on top of garbage. Apply this to just about everything else with the kids/home and - GAH.
ReplyDeleteI also know I care too much. Like I'll be exhausted and will still do the laundry and sweep the floor. And I know that I should "rest" or "take a break" but there is no Magic Fairy that will come and do those things. And when I don't stay on top it seems to grow exponentially because I AM THE MAGIC FAIRY. Sigh. I wish I cared less, but I also already feel like I'm letting a lot of things slide.
(Aside: WHY DO YOU NOT LIVE IN NS SO WE CAN GO OUT FOR COFFEE AND RANT ABOUT THIS?)
And this: "I do not even want to be the person who has to ASK, you know???" Yes, yes, yes! Delegating can be just as much work as doing it myself (sometimes more work/time).
Feeling all of this. Complain away, my friend, and I will sail along on your complaint coattails <3
Also - those texts?! I'm sorry, but things like this make me worry about the mental health of the next generation. Like how are we supposed to manage all these inputs. As if staying on top of laundry isn't hard enough, a passive aggressive MACHINE would make me feel even worse.
Oooh yes yes yes the magic fairy!! I am no good at taking a break until all the work is done, but spoiler: IT IS NEVER DONE. EVER. THERE IS NO DOINE.
DeleteAs if my first comment wasn't long enough - that dress is adorable! You always look amazing.
ReplyDeleteThank you:)
DeleteI don't get nearly as many LG notifications, and we have multiple appliances! I just get notifications when cycles are complete or I need to do something to the machine (change filter, clean something, etc). But I have no idea how to set how many notifications you get...
ReplyDeleteI need to look into this. Since WASHER is in all caps, I feel like if I had other smart appliances they could also be included, but I don’t know if WASHER can tell me less.
DeleteYour washer is VERY NEEDY.
ReplyDeleteThis spoke to me: "And then I think is this feeling even justified? Do these tasks that are burying me alive even have to be done? Or am I just performing some weird martyred version of homemaking?" I hate that sometimes it's a choice between doing things and feeling grumpy and underappreciated and not doing those things at all. That shouldn't be the choice! (The specific thing I am thinking about: my in laws were going to come over for dinner. A dinner I planned, purchased, and made but that's neither here nor there. And I was asking the other people in my house to help tidy up. My husband's response was no, houses are lived in, it doesn't need to be spotless, and his parents wouldn't care anyway. Which may be theoretically true. But I know -- I KNOW -- they would notice and comment on the mess and that it would be blamed on ME because I am the wife and also not their can-do-no-wrong son.) Okay, sorry - I have just vented my own shtuff on your post. I CAN EMPATHIZE I guess is what I mean.
Five hours is much too long for any sporting event.
I also understand the phenomenon of buying only clothes for specific occasions. Love your TJ Maxx dress though -- very cute!
YES— the mess is always in your category, even if you decide to rise above it. I soooooo get this.
DeleteWell you could also be the one who does what she is asked for, could you not? Except then your husband would have to do much more than simply execute, he would have to put thought into organizing your home and family life. I find it almost hilarious given your subject studies that you are not able to recognize patriarchy at play in your own home and your own head. I hope you don't experience burn-out, which would really tip your balance (using this word very loosely here). Apologies for any mistakes, English is only my third language.
ReplyDeleteI mean, I definitely recognize it, but it’s an institutional problem IMO, not an individual one. Like, I could stop doing stuff in my own home, but that’s not going to change the way society perceives my dirty house, unkempt kids, etc etc etc
DeleteI've never had a pedicure, gel or not, that has not chipped within 48 hours. I do things with my hands and so I have stopped getting color on my fingers and go just for a clear polish.
ReplyDeleteI cannot imagine the mental load of trying to figure out the logistics for a large household. It's just me and my husband, but I am in charge of a lot of things that just slip by him. I absolutely cannot imagine how it works to be in charge of medical/sports/laundry for a gazillion other people. I think you have the right to acknowledge that it's hard and that there's a lot of emotional/mental labor involved in running a household!
I also only do clear polish or a buff on my hands. Well, I mean, if gel is going to chip, I will just keep up with my regular pedicures, but the chipping is annoying.
DeleteOh I have so much resentment right now, but it's mostly related to coworkers/things that are happening at work. But top of the list - I resent that my coworked planned a 2 week vacation that overlaps my 2 vacations even though I planned said vacations in like March.
ReplyDeleteOoooh that’s bad office etiquette for SURE
DeleteI take my own polish to the salon so I can touch up the inevitable chips.
ReplyDeleteMe too!! I didn’t know anyone else did this!
DeleteAh yes, the dreaded word "MENTAL LOAD". It must be in our DNA or something... how do we fix this?
ReplyDeleteGah. I think systems are against us fixing it.
DeleteFor #2, have you thought about StitchFix? I don’t do it, but my best friend does and everything she’s gotten is SO CUTE.
ReplyDeleteI go in phases with Stitch Fix— I have some things I have kept for YEARS from them and other things wind up being a bust. Maybe a fall Fix is what I need.
DeleteThis is J from Jellyjules, yours is one of the blogs I cannot log in to Google for, which is maddening. Not as maddening as getting notifications from my washing machine would be, but maddening nonetheless.
ReplyDeleteReading and recognizing both your post and the comments here, the patriarchy is indeed strong. On the one hand, we don’t want to have to do everything ourselves, and on the other, we don’t want to have to alert everyone else that the things need to be done. The mental work of it is frustrating. I guess I need to communicate more with my husband and daughter about the inequity of it, but I think they are much more willing to just let things go, so part of it is on me. But I will admit that I felt a little resentful yesterday, after doing all of the shopping and cooking for our contributions to my MILs birthday party, to then be one of the few cleaning up after. I think to myself, every time, ‘must be nice to be a man’. Granted, some of the men do chip in and do dishes, sometimes, and sometimes without being asked. But if one of the women gets up and starts, they will just relax and let it happen, whereas the other women will get up and help, not wanting one person to have to do it all. It gets old.
Right— they are “chipping in” and we are just doing what’s expected.
DeleteGoddamned right you can complain (wait, can we swear here? My blog is sweary as is my life, sometimes it spills over). Doing all the emotional labour is difficult even if your husband does everything you ask.
ReplyDeleteI get my nails done like once or twice a summer, and only my toenails, which are tragic right now. I don't like going to the inexpensive places for various reasons, and the expensive places are, well.... Very occasionally I paint my own nails, but it kind of feels like my fingernails are screaming under the polish, so it doesn't last long.
I have found a wonderful cheap place I have been going to since pre-Dorothy, and I adore it— but it is a somewhat riskier proposition.
DeleteComplaining on your blog is your absolute right! Thanks for dumping - makes us all seem more human. No manicures for me... my nails are NOT worth it.
ReplyDelete