1. I don’t want to go to the dentist for a cleaning because I have not gotten my cavities filled. I didn’t want the dentist to fill cavities a year ago. I made polite noises about getting them filled 6 months ago, and I haven’t. And now it’s time for my cleaning. Should I go and just Bartleby the X-rays (I only get them every 2 years at most) and fillings? Actually schedule the darn fillings before I go next week so at least I can say my appointments are on the books? Skip and wait until all my teeth fall out? Find a new dentist I trust better? Something else? WHAT WOULD YOU DO? I have not been happy with dentists here since we moved nearly 2 decades ago, and I feel like the model is find something to fix so you can bill it. And I have had to have fillings done by this practice fixed by this practice, which seems NOT GREAT. (I had no cavities before I moved to this practice, BTW— none in my whole life).
2. It is SO HARD to send a kid to college, and I really don’t want to get in his way, but I have OPINIONS, and I want to share them but in a low pressure and also persuasive kind of way AND IT IS SO HARD. Practice pancake for sure.
3. Ugh. I have to make a little road trip with me as the driver, and I DO NOT WANT TO. When did I become a little old lady who doesn’t like to drive on the highway?? Do YOU drive on long trips?
4. Summer is getting boring for the kids, and they are starting to treat each day like a tribal council episode of Survivor. LOVE THAT for me. It’s sociologically kind of interesting but also kind of stressful. We have a pretty relaxed August— Dorothy has dance and the boys still work, but Coop is done with diving for a bit, so maybe we’ll do more fun things instead of cage matches in the basement?
5. My favorite pink Lulu shorts are so tight I cannot wear them in public anymore, and instead of buying new ones, my instinct is to change my body. **shakes fist at patriarchy**
Poor Harry— he’s the only senior-to-be he knows whose college visits include playground stops.
If one of your kids had the cavities and the not-ideal-dentist situation, what would you do? That’s way I often need to reframe things when I find myself reluctant to fix a self care issue.
ReplyDeleteAlso, my oldest is leaving (leaving!) for college in 4 weeks and we packed her first bags yesterday after some dorm shopping. It is sad and exciting and fun and nerve wracking and kinda surreal!
such a good reframe! I cannot really imagine what it is going to be like for him to actually leave-- surreal is right!
DeleteWell, my dentist situation is not ideal, as you know. The dentist we used for a long time when we first moved here retired and he was So. Great. This new guy acts like my mouth is brand new to him every time he sees it and he's horrified by my periodontal disease, and it upsets me every time. *sigh* I have no advice because I just keep making the appointments and going to see him. No advice from me because I'm clearly unable to make decisions.
ReplyDeleteI do drive. I am not scared of driving on interstates, but funnily enough, I get very stressed driving on surface streets of cities. We went to Chicago last weekend for a day and LOWER WACKER sucks balls.
Dorothy has a dance thing in Chicago in a couple weeks, and I think driving there by myself is out of my league.
Deletecommiseration on so many fronts here: dentist / shorts / etc. However - I am generally NOT a good driver . . . that PREFERS highways! Is that weird? They are straighter . . .. fewer obstacles . . . etc. Even with MIA traffic and drivers.
ReplyDeletethis is a good reframe and actually really helped me drive with ease-- thanks!
Deleteand I think a 2nd opinion can't hurt re: dentist!
ReplyDeleteI would definitely try to find another dentist. Do you have any friends you could ask for recommendations? Having someone like that you trust is critical!!
ReplyDeleteI don't tend to mind highways as much as navigating a local (small) city. It's full of one way streets and hills and I just hate driving there. I've done a few 4ish hour road trips solo with the kids, but other than that we're going as a family and then my husband basically always drives.
I have huge dentist anxiety, but it would also make me anxious not to fill cavities - although if they don't hurt that would seem to indicate that they aren't too bad? I think I would make the appointments so they're on the books, and then you can always cancel them later?
ReplyDeleteLove the college visits with playground stops.
I don't drive on long trips with my husband because he prefers to and is a lousy passenger, but I'm okay on my own, and kind of like Shu - I prefer highway driving to in-town driving, where I'm always afraid I'm going to screw up and get honked at.
I took your advice re: appointments! thanks!
Delete1. The dentist is the WORST. If I were in your shoes, I would look for a new dentist. You need to trust your dentist, I think!
ReplyDelete2. "Low pressure and also persuasive" - OMG this is like the key to parenting, right? And so hard to achieve!!! I have no doubt you will shepherd him through this process in exactly the right way but it does sound so hard!
3. I am with you. I dislike driving, especially on the freeway, ESPECIALLY at night. I make my husband drive at every opportunity.
4. I am very curious about your kids' Survivor behavior. I look forward to the ethnography.
5. Stupid patriarchy.
I cannot even at night OR in bad weather-- I have become such a wimp.
Delete1. I haven't been to the dentist since before the pandemic. Well, I have taken the kids, but had to cancel some of my appointments. So I guess I have no useful advice, but I do feel you.
ReplyDelete2. You'll be great at this! You have tons of professional experience. Even when teenagers seem like they're not listening, they really are. If it gets too stressful, would it be possible to outsource this? Sometimes advice is easier to take from a professional than from parents who do this for a living.
3. I don't enjoy driving, but feel like I have to pull my weight on long road trips... After two decades, I finally have my spouse trained not to offer unsolicited advice, and that makes things much easier.
4. LOL
5. Fuck Patriarchy; get the cute new shorts!
OMG I saw a teen at dance pick up in my shorts, and maybe theres's no going back to Lulu now
DeleteThis is Lisa. I would for sure try to find a new dentist! I go to a big medical practice (park Nicollet in Minneapolis) and I have been so happy there. They don’t push products on me and do a great job.
ReplyDeleteThe college application process seems stressful. I have watched 2 nephews go through it. The 2nd one applied more places. The first one ended up leaving college after the first semester and is now much happier at a tech school. He will be an electrician like my dad and his dad (my BIL). I always thought he’d end up in a trade because of his personality and love to be out doing things. He is so happy now. My 2nd nephew will be going to the university of Mn for engineering or computer science. He told me about his first semester schedule - it’s something like physics, coding, chemistry, a math class and maybe something else. I was like - whhhhaaat?? That seems like such a heavy course load for the first semester. I thought he would have some humanities, like sociology or an English class or something? He’s very smart/talented but gosh his schedule sounds intense! But I just keep my mouth shut since I’m the old auntie who went to college 20 years ago!
Ugh driving. I don’t mind it but it is very hard with loud kids. They are always dropping things and then they expect me to get them for them - while driving. It is bananas. But I so very rarely drive. My husband is the driver. He is a far better driver and then I can manage the kids and grab all the crap they drop. But why do they drop so much stuff? Hold onto your crap!!
SO HARD to drive without someone to be the dropped stuff person for the kids!!
DeleteJust saying hi and hoping all is well! xxoo
ReplyDeletesolo parenting and just now coming up for air
DeleteI was SO SURE my dentist was going to randomly find more cavities to fill at my last appointment. I was so surprised when my x-rays came back clean! I would go get a second opinion, especially if you're not happy with this practice. <3
ReplyDeleteI don't mind a long drive if it's just me. Then I can control the podcasts/audiobooks I listen to, ha.
I vote for go to the dentist appt and if they pressure you over the cavities, ask to see the evidence on last year's x-rays. Any good dentist should be able to show you what they see that's concerning. And if they can't/won't, then get a 2nd opinion. They do seem... overzealous. Sigh. Also do NOT envy you the kid looking at colleges... my brother was the one who had Opinions and it was really hard for him to keep quiet! That said, his kiddos ended up at the perfect places for them. It will all work out. :)
ReplyDelete