Wednesday, November 30, 2016

OMG this day.

THIS DAY can go fuck itself.

I mean, I just ate a column of red-filling Oreos, and I am STILL grumpy.  Also, now I can't cross "eat sensibly" off my to-do list, damnit.

Lemme give you a little timeline:

1:40: wake up to a honking sound coming from the living room.  Go back to sleep because it;s not like we're going to be robbed by geese.

3:00:  honking followed by gagging.  Realize it's the dog.  Ben says he'll clean whatever it is up in the morning.

5:00 more honking and gagging.

5:43:  I wake up 2 minutes before my alarm, stumble through adding a fleece sweatshirt to my workout clothes/pajamas, find a head flashlight and a fleece headband/ear cover, put my earphones in and cue up the latest terrifying book I listen to while walking in the dark, add Uggs and a coat, check on the dog who seems to be fine, start a load of laundry in the pitch black laundry room.  I go for walk, leaving myself just enough time to shower and get dressed before the bog kids will be back from their walk and expecting breakfast.

6:50:  I come home sweaty and cold to see Ben using fucking laundry stain fighter spray (WHAT THE FUCK)  on the ottoman.  I realize he's cleaning up dog puke.  Which is, apparently, everywhere.  Some of it has Reese's PB cup wrappers in it, but I am not worried because I remember leaving them on the coach last night, so I know she didn't eat any chocolate.  She is still honking, but we assume that she has something stuck in her throat or something.  The boys overslept and have to do math work, so they forgo their walk, and she goes outside happily.

7:15:  Breakfast.  Spilling.  Fighting.  Screaming.

7:40:  I pack lunches amid the scremaing, etc.

7:45:  I go downstairs with Harry and Jack to supervise their dressing routine so they don't spend all their time killing each other.  I find the basement TRASHED and PEE everywhere in the bathroom.

8:15:  I distractedly send them to school while still cleaning up the hellhole they live in.

8:30:  I get Cooper and Dorothy ready for school and realize the dog barfed all over her (pretty gross anyway) bed.  So, I throw it away.

8:45:  I take Cooper and Dorothy to school late.

9:00:  I come home to see that the dog has puked more on the deck and call the vet who can't see us until 2.

10:00:  I run out the door leaving the house a total mess upstairs-- breakfast out, beds unmade, etc-- and drive straight to Homegoods for a new dog bed.

10:40:  I come back home and frantically clean the house before I have to go get Dorothy and Cooper-- there is laundry switching, etc. happening.  The dog continues to honk and barf.

11:15:  Run to get the little kids-- this is always a pain in the butt and includes meltdowns-- usually just from them.

11:40:  Home with less than an hour before we have to go to dance.  Laundry, lunch, clean up, fights.

12:40:  Head to dance with a giant bag of toys for Cooper and work for me.

2:00: SPRINT out of the dance studio, race home, grab dog, go to vet to learn that she has KENNEL COUGH even though she is vaccinated.  She leaves with a script for antibiotics, probiotics, and cough suppressant.  I leave $150 poorer.

3:20:  Screech into the driveway with seconds to spare before the big kids get home.

3:30:  Jack to tutor

3:35:  Mad dash to put away laundry, put the new dog bed away and dig out and wash an old one from the basement because she can't puke all over her new one on the first day, make snacks, wash lunch boxes, unpacks dance bag, clean out laundry room, etc.

4:00:  Feed Cooper pre-hockey dinner

4:10:  Wrestle Cooper into his hockey clothes

4:20:  Pick Jack up.

4:30:  Drop Cooper at hockey only Ben isn't there yet, so I actually have to take everyone inside and jam him into his skates and helmet.

5:10:  Get gas in car on the way home in wind and snow OF COURSE

5:15:  Feed the rest of the kids and cram in a quick salad.  Sit down to bitch on this blog for a few minutes before I need to clean up dinner and more dog vomit (the vet said she'll only puke for a FEW MORE DAYS).  Then I drive the hockey carpool and have to get Jack from gymnastics.  I should be home by 9.  When I will, of course, start drinking.


  1. You win for sucky days. Or lose? I have no clue. Either way, survival should be rewarded with wine.

  2. Holy cow that sounds exhausting.

  3. That's a lot of dog vomit. I've had dogs get kennel cough but never puke from it. I hope you confined her to a bathroom or the laundry room overnight so she doesn't puke all over the house again. Heck, put her in the boys' bathroom so you can clean up puke & pee at the same time. Twofer!