My milk is back-- 100% normal. Abundant even. SO WEIRD. I have looked back through my blog and frantic text message log and have determined that this happens to me every 26-30 days. Hmmmm. It seems to be a cycle. And I should add that Cooper is totally and completely fine when this happens. A little annoyed that we keep shoving bottles in his face, but lots of wet diapers (he's always wet, in fact), lots of poops (on his weird poop for a day, not poop for a couple of days schedule he's been on since like week 2 of his life-- he also has sleep and not sleep days and always has-- such a funny little guy)-- a little fussier than normal (which is not fussy at all) but totally fine.
In the couple of weeks before I lose my milk again, I have a multi-pronged attack plan to fix this blip in production.
1. Pump again and continue to increase frozen milk supply. I stopped pumping for my freezer supply because I had like 187 ounces (yes, I counted), only needed 3 small bottles a week (you know, when I am actually making milk), and thought the stress of pumping was inhibiting letdown (it wasn't-- that was hormones. Slow letdown is the first sign my production is halting; I know that now). So, I am pumping again. My goal used to be 3 ounces a day but I would be happy with 2.
2. Get Cooper used to other food. He is rocking the oatmeal and really LOVES to eat-- bites the spoon, swirls the food around in his toothless mouth, swallows happily and then opens wide for another bite, squawking if we are too slow.
3. Continue to slowly integrate formula. You know I hate processed foods, but it would be so much less stressful if I knew I had a renewable source of food for him when my milk is low. So we have been adding 1-2 ounces of formula to the bottles Ben gives him when I am at class or meetings. So far, he still doesn't eat more than 2 ounces from a freaking bottle, but he never has, so the formula isn't making him eat less, anyway.
4. Up the supplements. I still drink Mothers Milk tea, and I just ordered a bottle of More Milk Plus capsules from Amazon. I think I will try those (b/c the are supposed to be stronger than the tea) during my low periods.
5. Nurse, nurse, nurse all the freaking time. I am trying to make sure he eats every 2 hours-- every 90 minutes if he wants to. He went 3 hours between feeds yesterday because he was asleep (woo-hoo!), but otherwise, during the day, he ate 8 times, which is good for both of us.
Any other suggestions?
And on another note, he can roll both ways now-- I found him on his belly this morning with a red mark on his head where he apparently smacked into the side of the crib. D'oh!
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Nights
I think my milk is coming back. No bottles today. Sometimes a faster letdown. Good, long naps.
Nursing Cooper to sleep while I write this, and he managed to get a second letdown 15 minutes in, even. I don't have much time because I spilled an entire bottle of freaking hot pink gas drops all over my bedspread and carpet and I need to keep blotting ASAP. (Gas drops because that single tablespoon of cereal and the 2 or 3 ounces of formula Cooper has choked down since Thursday have rendered him totally poopless, and he is getting annoyed about it).
But Cooper is doing something precious right now, and I wanted to write it down. He wants to sleep next to me all the time, in my arms, even. He's an increasingly restless sleeper in his crib, rolling first onto one side and then onto the other, scooting his body from one end of the bed to the other, but in bed with me, he is perfectly still, as long as he is cradled next to me, with me on my side facing him, both of my arms around him. If I try to inch away from him, he flings his legs over my waist and grabs my hair with both hands and sleeps holding onto me. I wake up in the middle of the night just to stare at him, his dark lashes curling on his fat, red cheek, his face frowning in repose, his dimpled knuckles pressed to his chin, his fuzzy hair damp with sweat against my arm. When I hear him through the monitor at 3 or even sometimes at 1, I am happy to stumble to his room and gather him out of his dark crib and settle him next to me, clasped, until the sound of the big boys stomping in the hallway wakes us both the next day.
(And now that I wrote that, he is going to come in my bed and fuss for 6 hours tonight).
Nursing Cooper to sleep while I write this, and he managed to get a second letdown 15 minutes in, even. I don't have much time because I spilled an entire bottle of freaking hot pink gas drops all over my bedspread and carpet and I need to keep blotting ASAP. (Gas drops because that single tablespoon of cereal and the 2 or 3 ounces of formula Cooper has choked down since Thursday have rendered him totally poopless, and he is getting annoyed about it).
But Cooper is doing something precious right now, and I wanted to write it down. He wants to sleep next to me all the time, in my arms, even. He's an increasingly restless sleeper in his crib, rolling first onto one side and then onto the other, scooting his body from one end of the bed to the other, but in bed with me, he is perfectly still, as long as he is cradled next to me, with me on my side facing him, both of my arms around him. If I try to inch away from him, he flings his legs over my waist and grabs my hair with both hands and sleeps holding onto me. I wake up in the middle of the night just to stare at him, his dark lashes curling on his fat, red cheek, his face frowning in repose, his dimpled knuckles pressed to his chin, his fuzzy hair damp with sweat against my arm. When I hear him through the monitor at 3 or even sometimes at 1, I am happy to stumble to his room and gather him out of his dark crib and settle him next to me, clasped, until the sound of the big boys stomping in the hallway wakes us both the next day.
(And now that I wrote that, he is going to come in my bed and fuss for 6 hours tonight).
Friday, January 27, 2012
The sun!
The sun came out today for the first time in forever, and I feel more optimistic. And I just spent over $100 on bottle accessories at Target because OF COURSE the kid only likes the most expensive bottles on the shelves OF COURSE. Also I got a bottle warmer because last night, I tried to mix a half breast milk/ half formula bottle at 3 am and it was a giant cluster. And also, he didn't want to eat-- just to come in bed with me and snuggle because he had already nursed but of course I am paranoid that he is not getting enough. OF COURSE I am.
So, last night, he sat with us at dinner and we gave him a tablespoon of rice cereal mixed with an ounce of formula, and he liked it. Then before bed, he nursed on 1 side, cried at the other, and ate 3 ounces of a 4 ounce bottle that was 3 parts breastmilk to one part formula. (and slept from 6:30 until 3 am) And I fed him the bottle! Tommee Tippee and faster flow nipples for the win!
I am sure that we will work out a breastmilk/formula compromise that works for us, lets me nurse, and lets him stay fat and happy. But it is a little stressful in the meantime when he is crying for food he can't have (breastmilk) or over food he doesn't want (anything in a bottle).
It was not my plan to start solids at 4.5 months, but we'll spend a week on rice and a week on oatmeal, and add in purees when he is 5 months old. And then, it'll be no time before he's eating YoBaby and all kinds of other stuff. And I know that solids are mainly for practice, but we might as well start practicing now.
Definitely feel better over here, but still not a lot of milk. So weird.
So, last night, he sat with us at dinner and we gave him a tablespoon of rice cereal mixed with an ounce of formula, and he liked it. Then before bed, he nursed on 1 side, cried at the other, and ate 3 ounces of a 4 ounce bottle that was 3 parts breastmilk to one part formula. (and slept from 6:30 until 3 am) And I fed him the bottle! Tommee Tippee and faster flow nipples for the win!
I am sure that we will work out a breastmilk/formula compromise that works for us, lets me nurse, and lets him stay fat and happy. But it is a little stressful in the meantime when he is crying for food he can't have (breastmilk) or over food he doesn't want (anything in a bottle).
It was not my plan to start solids at 4.5 months, but we'll spend a week on rice and a week on oatmeal, and add in purees when he is 5 months old. And then, it'll be no time before he's eating YoBaby and all kinds of other stuff. And I know that solids are mainly for practice, but we might as well start practicing now.
Definitely feel better over here, but still not a lot of milk. So weird.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Milestone!
Gone baby gone
I am having a really shitty time with breastfeeding right now, and that Violent Femmes song Gone Daddy Gone is going through my head, only I have been replacing Daddy with Baby and love with milk. Because the milk is gone. Three nights ago, I woke up with leaking breasts after Cooper slept more than usual, and he nursed like normal all day. Then, yesterday, no milk. Lots of crying (me and him), much refusing the bottle no matter what was in it. Gnashing of gums, chomping of hands, not much sleeping. Today, more of the same, with grudging consumption of 1 ounce of formula and 1.5 ounces of breastmilk in a bottle. Empty breasts. Slow let down. Baby nursing for 3 minutes on each side and crying when he's done because he's not done.
This has happened before. Twice. The week after Thanksgiving and the day before New Year's Eve. Two bad, bad milkless (milk light) days and then a return to normal. Totally hormonal, right? Right? That's what the google tells me. La Leche League tells me I am not a good enough mom because my baby takes a pacifier, and this is my own damn fault because if I really loved him and wanted him to have the perfect food, I would keep all silicone nipple products out of his piehole.
So, I am hopeful that the milk will return but also worried because if it doesn't, what the hell is he going to eat? I got some new nipples for our Dr. Brown's and Vent Air bottles, thinking he might like a faster flow. I got a Tommee Tippee bottle, too, because its nipple looks totally real (creepy). I have been nursing every 2 hours and pumping even though nothing is coming out and drinking Mothers Milk Tea and lots of water. I also started remembering my prenatal vitamin again because I have been reading about low calcium from ovulation through the end of a cycle.
And of course, I have found myself in the formula aisle. Feeling like shit.
I try to feed my special snowflakes the very best of everything. Organic kale is on the menu tonight for goodness sake. I know better. I have read the mile-long, unpronounceable ingredient list on the back of the BPA-leaching can, and I don't like it, but, oh, how I wish he would just drink it. I don't want to see him cry in hunger or watch his baby fat rolls disappear.
Tips? Advice? Support? How do I get him to take a bottle he doesn't want?
This has happened before. Twice. The week after Thanksgiving and the day before New Year's Eve. Two bad, bad milkless (milk light) days and then a return to normal. Totally hormonal, right? Right? That's what the google tells me. La Leche League tells me I am not a good enough mom because my baby takes a pacifier, and this is my own damn fault because if I really loved him and wanted him to have the perfect food, I would keep all silicone nipple products out of his piehole.
So, I am hopeful that the milk will return but also worried because if it doesn't, what the hell is he going to eat? I got some new nipples for our Dr. Brown's and Vent Air bottles, thinking he might like a faster flow. I got a Tommee Tippee bottle, too, because its nipple looks totally real (creepy). I have been nursing every 2 hours and pumping even though nothing is coming out and drinking Mothers Milk Tea and lots of water. I also started remembering my prenatal vitamin again because I have been reading about low calcium from ovulation through the end of a cycle.
And of course, I have found myself in the formula aisle. Feeling like shit.
I try to feed my special snowflakes the very best of everything. Organic kale is on the menu tonight for goodness sake. I know better. I have read the mile-long, unpronounceable ingredient list on the back of the BPA-leaching can, and I don't like it, but, oh, how I wish he would just drink it. I don't want to see him cry in hunger or watch his baby fat rolls disappear.
Tips? Advice? Support? How do I get him to take a bottle he doesn't want?
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Crabby Wednesday
The fam is a bunch of bitches.
You know how I have been making all my own baked goods? I mentioned I was making brownies, and Ben said "Make sure you use a box. I don't want you to mess them up-- I want Betty Crocker." What an asshole.
So, I made 2 batches-- one from a Betty Crocker box and one from scratch. In a blind taste test, both of my (asshole) kids picked the box. Harry said, "I like this one. It takes like a real brownie. This one," he said, indicating the one made with LOVE, "Tastes like those muffins I had at hot lunch the other day." Those muffins? Were made of beets.
Hmph.
Speaking of assholes, Cooper (OM-G-- cussing about babies cracks me up) slept for 12 hours straight the night before last, waking for exactly 8 minutes to eat around 2 am. Then, last night, he woke up at 9:30, 11:30, 12:30, 3-4:30, 6, and then finally at 7:30. The 3-4:30 stretch nearly killed me. I would nurse him, put him in his crib with his pacifier firmly in his cry hole, stumble back to bed, throw myself on my pillow, an drift back to sleep when his squawks through the monitor would jerk me awake. I repeated this pattern for 90 minutes, adding handfuls of animal crackers on my way back to bed, which is GREAT for the weight loss.
On that note, a visiting scholar from China who saw me last semester in the course I direct is sitting in on my rhetorical criticism class this term, and she said to me after class, "You don't look so fat." I think the nuance was lost in translation.
Bouncing:
You know how I have been making all my own baked goods? I mentioned I was making brownies, and Ben said "Make sure you use a box. I don't want you to mess them up-- I want Betty Crocker." What an asshole.
So, I made 2 batches-- one from a Betty Crocker box and one from scratch. In a blind taste test, both of my (asshole) kids picked the box. Harry said, "I like this one. It takes like a real brownie. This one," he said, indicating the one made with LOVE, "Tastes like those muffins I had at hot lunch the other day." Those muffins? Were made of beets.
Hmph.
Speaking of assholes, Cooper (OM-G-- cussing about babies cracks me up) slept for 12 hours straight the night before last, waking for exactly 8 minutes to eat around 2 am. Then, last night, he woke up at 9:30, 11:30, 12:30, 3-4:30, 6, and then finally at 7:30. The 3-4:30 stretch nearly killed me. I would nurse him, put him in his crib with his pacifier firmly in his cry hole, stumble back to bed, throw myself on my pillow, an drift back to sleep when his squawks through the monitor would jerk me awake. I repeated this pattern for 90 minutes, adding handfuls of animal crackers on my way back to bed, which is GREAT for the weight loss.
On that note, a visiting scholar from China who saw me last semester in the course I direct is sitting in on my rhetorical criticism class this term, and she said to me after class, "You don't look so fat." I think the nuance was lost in translation.
Bouncing:
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
The bounce back-- not very much bounce
Yesterday, the Whole Foods deli was my downfall. I thought I was eating like a reasonable human being (no snacks when Cooper ate through the night-- a good first step for me). Then Ben and I grabbed lunch while grocery shopping, and before I knew it, I had eaten an entire chicken, apple, and Gouda panini the size of my face. And for dessert last night I had half a piece of coconut cake. WTH is wrong with me? Then I drank a delicious oatmeal stout beer and a half and went face down in a bag of pretzels. It's like I WANT to be chubby. But I don't, I swear.
I am so not even kidding you when I say the baby doesn't sleep. Last night, he went down at 6:30 like always. Up at 9:30. Up at 1:47. I mean like up, up. Like did not go back to sleep. Like used me like a pacifier and whined a lot. I gave him to Ben at 5 and slept 2 more hours because damn.
He is also making a screeching noise like a dolphin or a cat all the time, and I remember the other kids doing that, too, when they were teething or going through some other developmental mind fuck.
It blows my mind because he slept through the night at such a young age. Clearly, he was just toying with us.
I m not a sleep trainer, more of a bitch-about-the-baby's-sleep-until-it-magically-gets-better-er. Because this too shall pass, I know, and it's a small price to pay for the pleasure of having such a squishy little ball of happiness to nibble on throughout the day. But holy shit am I tired and fat.
Also my scale says I have gained 2 pounds. I blame the salty, salty pretzels before bedtime.
I am so not even kidding you when I say the baby doesn't sleep. Last night, he went down at 6:30 like always. Up at 9:30. Up at 1:47. I mean like up, up. Like did not go back to sleep. Like used me like a pacifier and whined a lot. I gave him to Ben at 5 and slept 2 more hours because damn.
He is also making a screeching noise like a dolphin or a cat all the time, and I remember the other kids doing that, too, when they were teething or going through some other developmental mind fuck.
It blows my mind because he slept through the night at such a young age. Clearly, he was just toying with us.
I m not a sleep trainer, more of a bitch-about-the-baby's-sleep-until-it-magically-gets-better-er. Because this too shall pass, I know, and it's a small price to pay for the pleasure of having such a squishy little ball of happiness to nibble on throughout the day. But holy shit am I tired and fat.
Also my scale says I have gained 2 pounds. I blame the salty, salty pretzels before bedtime.
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