Wednesday, August 02, 2023

This is me not freaking out about college

 As blog is my witness, I am not going to lose my shit about the college admissions process, even though I barely slept the other night knowing the common app opened on 8/1.

I am someone who HATES deadlines. Like, I would rather complete a project 3 months before it's due than know that the deadline looms in the distance.

Harry is someone who is not at all bothered by completing his work at 11:59:59 pm.

My idea of college applications (THE APP IS OPEN. HE CAN APPLY EVERYWHERE RIGHT NOW AND THEN SIT BACK AND ENJOY HIS SENIOR YEAR) and his idea of college applications ("let's not worry about it until the literal last second, mom, and then you won't have to worry about it at all because you will have actually died from the anxiety of not me not applying") don't completely match.

I am not going to freak out, though.

You know why? Okay, a couple of reasons: 

Harry is not applying to any reach schools. At first I was stressed because his counselor was like dude why don't you have any reach schools? but then I remembered that I applied to ONE SINGLE SCHOOL, and that school covered me up in merit scholarships. I did not reach either, and things have turned out just fine. 

Thanks to COVID, he does not have to take ACT/SAT exams. A really awesome score would help his application, but not submitting scores will not hurt his application-- that's awesome and a worry to cross off the list. (Although the other kids will probably not be so lucky, and we really need to sign Jack up for test prep RIGHT NOW). SAT/ACT are making a big push via email and social right now to freak parents like me out about the importance of scores, but they have to because schools dropping the requirement has really hurt their bottom line. For once in my life, I am not going to be fooled by advertisement (she says in her Rothy's and Third Love bra).

We live in a state with a really terrific system of universities. Of course the flagship is the showiest and the one all the kids think of first, but our regional campuses are STELLAR-- in beautiful cities with affordable tuition and small classes taught by faculty. WISCONSIN IS HIS OYSTER is what I am saying.

Ben and I work in higher ed, and we are more familiar with how things work, which makes the daunting application process less scary (but it is still both daunting and scary, to be sure). I need to remember this when I am reading about stress (manufactured by freaking test companies) on the internet.

Finally, I am not inclined to be a big competitive weirdo about colleges (unlike some ppl I know IRL and the general mommy internet zeitgeist). Like, college admissions is the cherry on top of the big old competi-mommy sundae we've been dishing up since our sneauxflakes learned the alphabet, but a name brand school is not worth the stress and might not be a good fit anyway. Every campus is not right for every kid, and college is EXPENSIVE. From where I sit, it is all about ROI and where kids are going to have the best time. (Best time like meet great friends, learn from subject matter experts, live somewhere beautiful, not best time like party 24/7 until they get kicked out). A giant public university might be an awesome fit for some kids who are able to distinguish themselves in a huge crowd and go to class even though no one notices, while others might benefit more from more attention from their teachers and more accountability. I want my kid to go to the best school for him not the school that sounds the best when people ask where he is going, you know?

Sooooo, you heard it here first. We are going to enjoy the college admissions season, learn lessons that will benefit our other kids down the road, and not get in the way of our kid making the best choice for his future. AND I AM NOT GOING TO FREAK OUT.

In my head, Harry is this age anyway. College is YEARS away.


19 comments:

  1. The whole system is so different in Canada. This sounds so incredibly stressful.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Agreed - this sounds sooooo different from Canada (which Nicole and I mentioned about the election process described in ATGIB - we don't have an "Election Day" up here).
    I applied to three schools, there is no SAT or ACT at all (just high school grades), and I don't even know if I had to submit any essays? It was like...20 minutes to complete the form and maybe a $75 application fee. I got in to all three places I applied, chose the one that offered me the most in scholarships and that was that.
    Living vicariously through you this all sounds so intense in the US and there are so many choices. We have so few universities up here compared to the US!!!
    Good luck and I really love how you're framing this (and also chuckled with the difference between you and Harry; I am also someone who hates approaching a deadline. I like to get things done months in advance, Thank You Very Much...but I have a child that is of the 11:59:59 approach and it is causing some butting of heads, let me tell you).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am jelly of the canadian approach

      Delete
  3. Awww this sounds so stressful. But you have such a fabulous attitude about the whole thing and it really sounds like Harry is going to wind up somewhere GREAT.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous9:32 AM

    One thing a college professor told me when I was applying to grad schools is that it is all about what you make out of the experience. If a school is a good fit and you work hard, you will get an amazing education regardless of where that college ranks. And like your days, ROI is important today! You don't want to get out of college with a ton of debt and a degree that doesn't allow you to pay off that debt quickly. (Best case scenario is no debt...)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous11:32 AM

    High school counselor here - while Common App opened 8/1 I know many high schools don’t have staff to supply transcripts, letters of recommendation, or other supporting documents for several weeks still. So even if you did have a kid inclined to do things this week, the full application still might not be complete for a while. I hate the false sense of urgency that Common App and College Board foster (ACT isn’t really used much in my state, so I bear them little ire personally at this time!).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yes-- that's what his counselor said. his advice was to write the essays, figure out the list of schools and chart their requirements beyond the app, etc, and hold tight. he asked for rec letters at the end of the year just to get on ppl's radar

      Delete
  6. I always appreciate it when people from the flagship university acknowledge that the regional campuses EXIST, let alone that they are perfect for different types of students, so thank you for your acknowledgement.

    I went to a mid-tier state school myself (full scholarship! smaller classes!) and will not stop talking about how wonderful my college experience was if you ask me questions about it. The student and parents know what environment will best suit a college freshman and it's not always bigger is better!

    But. Gah. I do not envy you the competing philosophies on when to accomplish goals between you and Harry! But it is HIS application, I guess. Let him do it when he's ready. (I say, knowing full well I'd be losing sleep over it.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We have some gems in WI, and we are so lucky

      Delete
  7. I love your pragmatic approach to this. When I went to college, my parents said - 'You can go wherever you'd like, but keep in mind that you are paying for it.' So I went to the University of ND where I got most of tuition covered by an academic scholarship; I took out loans for cost of living/etc plus a loan for study abroad (worth every penny I spent!). I only applied to one school and knew I would get it. I did not ask many questions about my latest nephew's application process because I knew there was a lot of stress around it. He's attending a great school (university of MN). What's confounding to me is that not only do you apply to a school, you apply to a school within that school? So he got into Purdue but didn't get into the engineering school whereas at UofM, he got into the school & the engineering program. How are kids supposed to know what they are going to do at 17 when they are applying? And can they switch programs easily? I started college thinking I would be a clinical lab scientist. And then I HATED my chemistry class so it was clear that was not the field for me. So then I pivoted to Math where I was very happy. Things felt very 'fluid' when I was in college - like you could kind of figure out what you wanted to do in the first few years and weren't committed to a certain field.

    I listed to a podcast once with an admissions consultant and OMG that made me stressed just hearing about what all she suggested parents/student do. Like maybe your child could write a symphony in their spare time, or translate a Greek tome or something along those lines - you know, something to make them STAND OUT. I think prestigious colleges are great for some kids, but I remember an essay I read about how the "benchmark" really matters - so a student who is pre-med at, say, Princeton, might feel like a complete failure versus their peers but they might be in the top 10th or 20th percentile if they were in a different school. But because of their peer group, they might self select out of something they really love?

    I clearly have a lot of thoughts about this even though it's far off with my kids being 2.5 and 5!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. harry is looking at u of mn too!! it seems MUCH MORE STRESSFUL than when we were in college, doesn't it?

      Delete
  8. OMG. I am right there with you. How have they lived with us for so long and yet underappreciate the level of anxiety we hold?!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. it's like they don't even KNOW us

      Delete
  9. Can I just honestly say that I am happy I don't have to deal with this? Haha. I am glad you're kinda chill about it though.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I do not envy you having to go through this... but hope that the lower-stress approach can be maintained. Thank you for spotlighting the regional campuses - they ARE awesome. Seriously fantastic students and programs - and I've only truly interacted with 2 of them!

    ReplyDelete