Friday, May 05, 2023

Lest you think we have our literal sh*t together, think again

 The other day, Minnie was eating a snack on Ben’s bed while I got dressed. To cut down on her decision fatigue and get us out of the house faster, I have been bringing her clothes and diaper in my room, and then we go brush her teeth and comb her hair in her bathroom really fast. This has been working SO WELL, and we are occasionally even out of the house on time here and there.

Anyway, after I did my hair and make up and threw everything in my bag (another strategy— I make sure I am all the way ready already AND have already gathered all of our peripherals and tidied the house (which I do even before I get dressed), so we can focus on Minnie’s grooming routine and GO), I stood her up on the bed and said, “Time to get ready for gym class,” at the same time, I helped her out of her nightie. 

Next, I started to unfasten her Pull-Up, and she was like “OH WAIT! I HAVE POOPIES!”

Her warning came too late, though, and the contents of her diaper came raining down on Ben’s duvet.

I was like see this is why we have separate beds on the inside. On the outside, I was like “Oh wow- let’s go get some wipes,” and I flew her down the hall like an airplane, concerned with getting in and out of her room without her closet full of poofy dresses catching her attention.

I got her cleaned up and dressed in the rainbow dress and unicorn leggings she picked out the night before.  Dorothy wore makeup to school that morning, so I took advantage of a prolonged stay in the girls’ bathroom and did Minnie’s hair early, so we were out the door on time, even with a few minutes to clean up all evidence of the diaper incident from Ben’s bed.

We had a super busy day, including a trip to the cardiologist for Harry who celebrated the 10 year anniversary of his PICU stay for a pericardial effusion by getting chest pains. (He’s OK), Minnie’s swim and gym, and also a bunch of baseball.







I did not think about the diaper incident again until Ben came out of our bedroom at 10:30pm sounding exactly like Mila Kunis in Ted with his whole “OH MY GOD! IS THAT A SHIT? I THINK THAT’S A SHIT. THERE IS A SHIT ON MY BED.” routine.

But, I mean. THERE TOTALLY WAS. JUST RIGHT THERE ON HIS NICELY MADE BED. NEAR THE PILLOWS.

It’s not like I have a set schedule for washing our duvet covers or anything, but YESTERDAY WAS THE DAY.



11 comments:

  1. OMG this is hilarious. Life with toddler!!! (Glad Harry is okay.)

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    1. so gross. so funny. that's basically toddlers.

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  2. There are many reasons I am not a parent. This post exemplifies one reason why.

    As a side note, I clicked through to the post from ten years past and wow! I can really see the resemblance between you and Dorothy in one of those pictures from back then. It's like she's your clone!

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    1. Honestly, I think Dorothy is way prettier than I am-- but I ALWAYS wanted to be a blond

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  3. Oh goodness, poor Ben! I am reminded of a particular time when my daughter was very little, and something about the evening bath made her need to poop. Almost every evening, she would poop in the tub. SO GROSS. We couldn't decide whether we had the filthiest tub in town, or the cleanest (because we scrubbed it EVERY NIGHT.)

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    1. We had some serious code brown problems with some of the other kids-- so gross!

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  4. Anonymous1:02 PM

    Well this was a ride. Having his little sister poop on his bed would have GIVEN my son chest pain (not making light of it, that sounds terrifying, and wow, anniversaries sometimes manifest in the body in really weird ways, I wonder if that was a factor, although I'm surprised you didn't also have chest pain). In a way I miss that hilarious chaos. In a way, less so. (Allison/Bibliomama)

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    1. LOL LOL LOL-- we are not as gross on the daily as this makes us sound

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  5. OMG! Hilarious! I can see how this would happen, though. Will has major problems w/ passing stools so he's on miralax so he alternates between constipation and then having really creamy stools. It's so fun. And he has zero interest in using the potty.

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    1. This was Cooper!! We finally got an awesome awesome book that really helped him: https://www.amazon.com/Hurts-Story-Children-Scared-Potty/dp/1433801310/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1B06T82R690PJ&keywords=it+hurts+when+I+poop&qid=1683585328&sprefix=it+hurts+when+i+poop%2Caps%2C218&sr=8-1

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  6. Dying laughing at this story but not laughing at the saga of Harry's heart. Holy cow. What a terrifying experience for all of you. And yes, I'm so sorry that you experienced the classic hideous 'communication' skills of some of our best and brightest medical providers. Sigh. Here's hoping that Harry's heart (wow, that was alliterative) settles down, for goodness sakes.

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