Thursday, February 09, 2023

Catching my breath

 SNOW DAAAAY!

I mean, there’s not a single flake of snow on the ground… YET, but that’s OK— snow days are magic. (I do actually still have a meeting I can’t miss this AM, but it’s on Zoom anyway, so it will be all nostalgic and end times-y at my house. If I put my laptop on our ginormous bathroom counter and drag in a stool from the kitchen island and close the door, all you can see is beige wall, a wood door, and a picture of the Liberty Bell- not bathroom things at all, and there’s a window on the same wall as the counter, so the light is good. AND I can also close the door to our room, and as long as the boys don’t punch each other and start screaming in their room directly below me (NOT ACTUALLY GUARANTEED), it’s a very quiet, insular place to be on a meeting. And! People need to pay better attention to their Zoom backgrounds still 2+ years later. NO BEDS in the frame, ppl.)

This week, you guys. OMG. Why are Ben and I always super busy at work at the same time? I mean yes, we are both academics, but he is an administrator— he’s not necessarily on the academic calendar and still! BOTH SLAMMED. It’s very good for our partnership and communication skills though, learning to give an inch or two when it feels like you have zero inches to spare and all that. Add in a few poorly timed kid appointments (that were made so long ago we had no idea the timing would be bad) and there you have it: a week where I can barely catch my breath.

But I am catching it anyway, darn it.

When we first moved to our house and Harry and Jack were in kindergarten and preschool and Coop was brand new, I met a fellow kindergarten mom on the playground who had five little boys. The oldest was a first grader, and the youngest was a nursling. She was always so sweet and happy and arrived like a messy ray of sunlight with a wagon loaded with kids. I asked her how she stayed so even-keeled and had it all together, and she told me that actually she was always late to everything. She said her mother always told her that a bad mood won’t make you get there any sooner, so she figured if she was late, she should be cheerful and calm about it because acting mad or stressed wouldn’t magically turn back the clock. I never even noticed she was late because she was always so darn unruffled. SUCH SIMPLE ADVICE, and I have been working on it ever since. BABY STEPS. (Also, she has since added 2 little girls to her brood and moved near family once her husband was done with his residency, and I am sure she is still enviably calm and cheerful). 

Anyway, I thought of that mom this week because I feel like I don’t have time for anything and am always rushing everywhere and have a million things to do after I tuck Minnie in when usually my slate is clean by then. Being huffy about it, though, is not going to make my to-do list any shorter.

So hello from a mom of 5 kids who is supposedly living the life of the mind, but my mind it just a chyron of things I need from Target, dinner prep timelines, and drop off/pick up calculus. 



12 comments:

  1. I have a few friends who are soooo chill. The sad thing is, they get to all the same adventures as I do, but with so much less angst. That said, it DOES take all sorts of personalities to make the world go round...

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    1. Agree! But man I wish I had more chill LOL

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  2. So I DO have a bed in the background of my zoom and I see it quite often but I don't think it's problematic? My home office in our guest bedroom and it's best to have the desk where it is - in front of the window - so I get nature light for my many zoom calls. Some people use a virtual background or a blurred background, but I went to a conference last summer and heard 2 Stanford professors talk about presenting over zoom. Their studies showed that people were perceived as being more trustworthy if you showed your actual background instead of something virtual/blurred. I have taken that approach. I do a ton of client meetings so figure if showing my real life makes me more trustworthy, even though said background is not styled/ideal, then so be it!

    It's tough when both partners are in busy seasons at work. That has been happening more and more for us lately and now that I am traveling that makes things even more challenging at times!

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    1. I agree on the real background, but I don't love seeing beds. Book cases are best, but a blank wall is OK or a piece of art. It also drives me batty to see dog crates in the frame. We built Ben a fake Zoom wall downstairs but that's because we are rhetoric ppl and think a lot about what arguments we are making unintentionally. Think of the President and how they arrange what's on camera in the Oval office depending on the massage, etc.

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    2. Anonymous7:28 PM

      Yes I totally see your point, especially for a key person who is presenting. I just don’t have any other options for a home office so the bed has to be in the background. It doesn’t seem to reflect poorly on how I am received but I am not in a C-suite position.

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  3. Ohhhhh how I wish I could adopt the attitude of your "messy ray of sunshine" friend. (Great description, by the way!) I HATE being late and so when I am late, I am always in some state of yelly / flushed / embarrassed / panicked.

    I'm sorry you are in one of those chaotic mind-chyron states right now. I hope things slow down for you soon.

    I am also super impressed that you said sharing this kind of busy-ness with your spouse HELPS with your communication, because I get increasingly shrill and impatient when I feel stressed. So I need to take a page from your book, I think!

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    1. I think this is just the advantage of both being communication scholars LOL

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  4. I think that folks with small homes/apartments are at a distinct disadvantage in the world of Zoom and I think it's unfair. I think it's fine if people show their beds/workout equipment/whatever. If it's really terrible, I guess they can blur the background, but that feature always makes the people look weird, so I don't love that as a solution. I think the accessories, like green screens and ring lights, are a privilege of people who have money and space and I kind of feel bad for people who have limited space in this day and age. Zoom however you can is my general feeling.

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    1. I agree re: the equity issue. Sometimes I sit on the floor of my bedroom and prop my laptop on a stack of books because that's the very best blank wall I can come up with. My ideal is a dining chair in front of a painting, but the house has to be empty for me to live this dream.

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  5. What a great conversation on Zoom backgrounds in the comments...

    "chyron of things I need from Target" is so apt! Wish I'd come up with that phrase!

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  6. It's amazing how another mom can show us that there is another way to be, right?! I always remember this mom I saw when I was taking my first baby on a cross country flight by myself and I was a ball of nerves and stress about it. She had two little ones with her by herself and she was so calm, serene, and cheerful. And it made me think, oh so maybe I don't have to be this stressed? It was a good reminder for me at the time. Although, as a mom of two now myself I can recognize that maybe she was more calm because she had done it before. First kid stuff is stressful in a way that second kid stuff isn't even if the actual amount of work/stuff/children/etc. is increased, the experience factor matters a ton. But I digress, I just wanted to say I still remember that random calm mom 16 years later!

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  7. Yeah, I can't really fault what people have in their backgrounds on Zoom. It's great for people who have the space and ability to create that perfect background shot, but that's not the reality for everyone. I have my cats' cat tree in my background shot and if that makes me look unprofessional, so be it. I would hope people wouldn't judge me harshly for that!

    I am someone who gets really stressed out and crabby when I'm going to be late, so I love the reframing from that busy mom! Choosing to react to situations with lightheartedness, grace, and happiness is something I strive for.

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