Wednesday, August 11, 2021

Will I ever have time to work again?

 Minnie wakes up usually once but also sometimes more than once every night. And the times are variable. Sometimes 11. Sometimes 1. Sometimes 4 am. She is also up for the day at around 6 but sometimes not until 7. All of this makes it very hard for me to get up early and work. On the one hand, I am very tired. On the other hand, it is impossible to get up early because she might be up any second. So me getting up at 5 something to work is stupid if the baby is just going to wake up at 5:45 or 6. Because it is not like Ben is the person she wants to see. He would deeply like to be, but he is not.

And I really didn't realize how much I counted on those 90 precious minutes every morning until I didn't have them. Sometimes, it is 9:45 at night before I can get anything done. Like, the whole day is gone because I have time to think a whole thought in front of my computer.


My sanity? DITTO.

I have enough perspective to know that this is a season-- a short one-- but sometimes in the moment, it is hard to remember this, you know? Like, I thought to myself I should just stay awake at 4 am and get some work done and then I laughed and laughed. Because that? Doesn't sound like a thing I want to do on the regular. WHO WOULD?

Let's be real, though, I would miss her if she slept all night without me. When I lift her out of her crib, she says "Hi. Hug" and squeezes herself around my neck, and it is wonderful.

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