8 Crazy Nights: Night 1

HANUKKAH BEGINS AT SUNDOWN!  And it overlaps with Christmas Eve and Christmas, meaning that's 2 whole days I don't have to buy presents for!  CONVERGENCE!  This article suggests that more is to be gained by the overlap, but I am mostly focused on the not having to buy more presents.

Ok.  So.  Let me give you the MAGICAL HOLIDAY WONDERFUL rundown of the last few days.

The kids finally had their last days of school

 And they've been lounging ever since:

 We proclaimed Thursday-- their first day of break-- COOKIE DAY, and Dorothy got to work choosing shapes.

 Hmm.  I wonder who made these.  Also, I dig the inclusion of the firework.

 This was only like 1/4 of them.  Why does one measly batch of dough make SO MANY COOKIES?

 Dorothy is actually really good at making cut-outs because her class does it with play doh almost every day (so that's like almost everyday of 3 days a week, so like 1 time a week?  I AM SUCH AN EXAGGERATOR)

 I dressed super fancy for the occasion, obvs.

 I left the house a total disaster (pro tip: royal icing is not easy to clean up after it hardens, you idiot)

 And took the kids to the McDonalds play land and the library.  Because where else can you take 4 kids for less than $30?  I also got a Happy Meal because McD's salads are the pits.  I only ate half of it for 275 glorious calories.

 Then when I was cleaning up our stuff after the kids had moved into the playland (SO GROSS), I spilled ketchup all over myself and looked like a crime scene and a really sweet older woman who was there with her youngest child (he's 16) helped me carry all of our drinks and told me about her 4 kids when they were little.  It was lovely.

 Harry and I sat at a table and read and we both died laughing when Cooper came out of the habitrail soaked in sweat.  He said, 'This place is awesome!  Why have we never been here before?"  Also, we were one of 4 big families in attendance.

 At the library, Cooper was STILL SWEATY.

 I freaking love the library.

 We got home around 2, and I spent the next 2 hours cleaning up the cookies  Then I made and cleaned up dinner and then Cooper wanted o make banana muffins before bed and my hands were literally BLEEDING they were so dry from all the dishes.  Also, Cooper is our most practical child and can legit make muffins on his own.

 The next morning, they ate Coop's muffins and read their library books at breakfast.

 And then we played in the snow all day.  Note, the mushroom snow cloud is not funny anymore now that our president thinks nothing of nuclear holocaust.  Or a genocidal holocaust, apparently.  OMG.

Happy Holidays, my friends!

The finish line is so close!

 Almost time to stop messing with this little guy.  SOMEBODY TOUCHED HIM, bUt we were just happy not to have to think of a hiding place for one night.  Then the next night, we hid him extra hidey and Cooper walked around the house for like 15 minutes saying. "I don't like this, you guys.  He might have stayed at the Norf Pole."

Dorothy and I went grocery shopping so I could make food for a friend having a minor surgery and friends with a new baby (in Wisconsin, we perform community through casserole, the cheesier the better in both senses of the word), and we found some pre-made Pillsbury Trolls cookie dough.  It turned out to be the perfect activity for a baby with a broken arm.  We raided my sprinkle stash, and she decorated like crazy.

 But waiting the 7-9 minutes for the cookies was interminable.  I was like ok these have to cook for 7-9 minutes, and she was like THAT'S GOING TO TAKE HOURS because 3-year-olds are senseless.

 Also after holding a warm snuggly newborn yesterday, I realized that she is not a baby and that I might have to have more babies to live through the Trump administration  IF HUMANITY MAKES IT A GESTATION PERIOD.  Because a gurgling ball of baby made me feel the closest to happy and optimistic I have felt since November 8.

(The Electoral College: 1.  Had to vote the way it did because what a horrible precedent if it didn't.  I don't want a bunch of partisan party elites deciding they can overrule the voice of the people in future elections.  2.  BUT, now that the precedent for discourse about the Electors going rogue has been set, I bet the shit bag Republicans will do just that next time a Dem wins, and Trump will be able to stack the Supreme Court with ideologues who will allow it to happen.  So.  Oligarchy.  Kleptocracy.  Idiocracy.  HERE WE COME.  But hey, at least we'll save all the unborn babies and force Christmas trees into every public space.  I HATE THE WORLD.)

In Wisconsin, we play baseball in the snow.  DUH.

 OMG the Game of Life teaches kids the WORST lessons about actual life-- pro-natalism, gender binary, cutthroat capitalism with a Carnegie-like undercurrent of worthiness.

 I troubled it the best I could by asking them if they wanted to marry boys or girls when they got the compulsory coupling square.  #babysteps.

Ben and I are only a few administrative tasks away from winter break!  See you on the flip side!

Too much coffee, friends

It is so cold here that I want to move away and never come back.  I think Beatrix feels the same way because she can't even bring herself to go outside to pee and is instead soaking the carpet whenever she gets the chance.  Unlike me-- because I am trapped by a house and a condo and a job-- Beatrix might get her wish to move away and never come back if she can't stop peeing on my fucking floors.  (Not really. I am not a monster.  But I AM sick of stepping in a warm circle of dog pee.)

In high school, I went to the Bradley University speech camp where I met the love of my life and the people who are still my friends and mentors-- and I was only 14 (ish)!  SO be careful where you send your kids to summer camp because it could write the entire script of their lives.  But!  My point is that I  wrote a speech about how this crazy new thing called the Internet was going to ruin humanity.  I focused on the life of a hypothetical guy named Seymour Sega (HA!) who spent his whole life in front of the screen and did super imaginative, unthinkable things like grocery shop and buy plane tickets ON THE INTERNET and never had to see another person and got depressed and fat with carpal tunnel syndrome.  In 1993 (1992? I don't remember-- let's just say the first half of the Clinton years) this was not a way the average person could actually live.  But today-- I shop for most things without pants on BECAUSE I CAN.  And I am actually kind of fat.  And lots of people have carpal tunnel.  And there are a million articles about the dangers of SITTING all day.  So, basically, my speech was totally prescient.  I mean, we have to look NO FURTHER than the 2016 election and the disgusting Twitter feed of the PEOTUS to see that HUMANITY IS IN RUINS.  I don't know why I bring this up except to say I love my Seymour Sega life even though I see now that it's ruining the world (which is the same thing I said in 1992/3/or 4, but then, like now, I had no good solutions.  This was a particularly bad thing then because 1/3 of the speech was supposed to focus on solution.  And now it is a particularly bad thing because the Internet does not just mean you can buy lots of shit in your jammies, it also means that we have no idea who to listen to or what facts mean anymore.  Damn.  I did place 6th in the nation that year with that speech entered in the expository category, meaning I cut out the solution step and just stood there saying, "Wow-- this is how we are going to live our lives in the future.  Hope it doesn't suck."  Spoiler alert:  It's great for the multi-tasking, middle-class mom, but it has turned out to SUCK BIGLY for the human race.  SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO 14-ish-year-old me, AMERICA).

I made half-caf this morning, and it's gone straight to my head.  Obvi.

Dorothy is finally not sick anymore, but she has a horrible cough that has given her the most charming Bea Arthur voice.  We will basically do anything she asks because it;s awesome to have a 3 year-old who sounds like Elaine Stritch.

 We are supposed to get snow tonight and tomorrow-- LOTS-- so my usual Thursday on-the-way-home-from-work milk and yogurt and eggs and butter and wine Trader Joe's trip became a $250 BUY EVERYTHING frenzy.

 This is the first time since the election that I have had the will to make chocolate chip cookies.  And I ate so much dough that I had to make teeny weeny little cookies.

 After they got dressed this morning, they payed multiplication war, and it was too cute.

I say after they got dressed like it was just this thing that happened naturally, but actually, I have to go downstairs with them and stand there while they pick out clothes and brush their teeth, etc, or else they turn on the TV and stand around slack jawed until the tardy bell rings.  I also use that time to clean their room and wipe pee off their toilet, so it's productive for all of us.  Eye roll.

THIS DOG.  SHE PEES EVERYWHERE.

Dorothy, A PERSON WHO WEARS BUNNY EARS YEAR-ROUND, looked at my totally normal and mom-like yoga pants and sweatshirt this morning and said, "Huh.  Is those your clothes?"

Also, have you every put on a sweatshirt that used to be big enough to wear with leggings and noticed that your fat stomach is taking up all of it suddenly?  Yeah.  Me either.  But that must really suck.

Crafting With Food, Part Eleventy Billion and One

 Lag Liv always makes this adorable Chex Mix with Bugle Santa hats for teacher gifts, and this year I decided to also give it a shot.  As you can tell from even a brief perusal of her blog, LL has her shit way more together than I do on absolutely every level.  So no surprise, her mix was way way way cuter than mine.

 But the Santa hats are SO CUTE.  And the mix is delish (I used regular M&Ms and peanut M&Ms).  According to My Fitness Pal, I ate over 1300 calories worth yesterday.  I think it will be an excellent addition to our movie/Target gift cards (we're the boringest).  Also as you can see, I got a little sloppy with the melty red stuff.

 As a little Christmas presents to parents, Dorothy's class did a mini performance today at ballet.  IT WAS SO ADORABLE even Cooper thought it was cute.

 Dorothy's teacher held her hand during the circle because circles get slippery, and girlfriend has a broken wrist.

OMFG it's SO COLD

And also I am so sick of shopping.

I know right?

But 4 kids.  8 nights of Hanukkah.  And also Christmas.

And there are so many teachers.  Bah humbug.

I may never take off my Uggs again.  I don't even care that they basically look like shit with everything.  I sometimes wear the short ones to mix things up, and I am saving the chocolate one for a special occasion (LOLz for days).  Mostly, though, it's just me and my tall chestnut Uggs slumping down the street because IT'S SO COLD.  I have been wearing skinny jeans, ugly boots, and huge sweaters for days, and looking at the forecast that's all I will wear for more days head, and I really only have 2 huge sweaters so I will just wear them again and again because fuck it.

Dorothy cried yesterday because I told her she had to wear her tall brown boots, her hot pink Uggs, her furry sequined Elsa Anna boots (thanks for making the world's ugliest shoes that are also a preschooler siren song Stride Rite) or her purple snow boots, and all she wanted to wear were her ruby slippers.  #dorothyproblems.  I told her it's boot season for the next couple of months and she should move someplace warm for college.  In 15 years.

Poor Beatrix may never get off her doggy bed again-- it's UTI cold.

Yesterday after breakfast they all sat down at the table and crafted.  It was weird and cute. (And Cooper raided the candy dish or kit kats and disappeared with his iPad, which was way more normal).

 Jack came upstairs asking for help with this shirt, and Cooper was more than happy to show off his new buttoning skills. I hope to someday take a similar picture at Jack's wedding.

 Harry had a late hockey practice, so I put the other kids to bed and played a couple of hands of Skip Bo with Jack.  Proud to say that I beat him both times #eightyearoldsman.

Then Harry ad Ben came home and we played Scrabble with Harry.  Final score Harry 71, me 75, and Ben 147.  Harry was legit winning going into the final round when he only got like 6 points for the word"it."  I swooped in with a 20-point "zoo," and Ben turned that into a 71-point "zeal."  But first he spent  a few minutes trying to argue that zale was a word before I was just like OMFG why don't you just make zeal?  And then he won.  HE ALWAYS WINS.

Everybody's sick

 No cast!  Instead, she has a really cool hard brace that was molded to fit her teeny little arm.  She has to wear it all the time-- except for in the tub for the next 3 weeks and then come back for an x-ray and hopefully less wear-time for a couple more weeks.

Wednesday was a pretty optimistic day.

Then Thursday happened.  Dorothy woke up with a fever and what she called a sore neck.  STREP THROAT.  And she's basically had a 102+ fever ever since except when she's on Tylenol or Ibuprofen, which is all the damn time.

 Side note:  I am back to tracking my food, and a 25-calorie hot chocolate really takes the edge off my hunger/need to eat all of the things while  clean the kitchen.

 Another side note (I mean who are we kidding-- this ENTIRE BLOG is a side note):  Dorothy spends 62% of her day arranging bows and jewelry on this ride-on thing.

 Thursday after school, I took Jack and Harry to the doc for a strep test, too, even though neither of them was exhibiting symptoms.  On the way there, Jack realized that he was only like 7 hours away from the debut of Fuller House season 2 and tried to work up a fever and sore throat for himself, but no luck.  Harry, however, tested POSITIVE.  We called his cardiologist, since the initial plan was to keep him on Ibuprofen through Wednesday and it got extended to Thursday when  Cooper tested positive for strep.  They were unconcerned, so we were, too, and Friday saw me home with 3 sick kids.

 We had Hurts Donuts for lunch and it was a relaxed, movie-filled day.

 Until 4:22 when Harry complained of chest pains and he and I spent the next 3 hours in the ER because his doc was closing up shop for the day.  OMFG.

His echo was totally clear, and they drew some blood but the labs results didn't come to my mobile chart because they're from the children's hospital not our HMO, so I expect a follow-up call tomorrow.  But everything looked great, so phantom pain?  Growing pain?  Panic attack?

Ben and I closed out the week with wine and Thai takeout, and Beatrix decided she was a lap dog.

 She's not.

 Harry was cleared to play hockey on Saturday and Sunday which was good because he had a tournament.  Early Saturday morning, ben dropped me and the little 3 at a darling little diner and got Harry suited and skated up for his first game before coming back to pick us up.

 They won their first game, and here's Ben giving himself a little time out because he couldn't stop screaming at the refs (the calls were really bad in his defense).

 After the game we came home for a few hours to grocery shop and do laundry and pick up our completely awesome yard sign made by local activists, who distributed a ton of sings and donated over $2000 to the ACLU.  They donated their image to a women's health group who has this cafe press site, and you can order similar signs and other items through it.

 Harry's team won his second game, too, meaning they got to play for the championship this morning, and we raced home to dump the kids with a sitter, throw on cuter clothes, and hit the hockey parents' night out fundraiser with friends.  It was at a local vodka distillery, and the drinks were wonderful.

 This morning, Cooer wanted to make a sign for his door that said "Please say the password," and he DID:

 It snowed 9 inches, and my hair FREAKED OUT:

 Harry's team lost the championship game 3-1, but it was really fun to watch, and the kids were so proud of themselves.  It was also nice to play in a tournament at home, as opposed to on the road in the middle of nowhere.

 Dorothy LOVES playing dolls at hockey rinks-- but next year, she'll e out on the ice-- hard to believe huh?

 WHAT THE HELL IS RIVER MEAT and why does this gas station serve it?!

 Beatrix, dog of leisure.

 25-calorie coca is also a good vehicle for Bailey's so I can have a stiff drink at dark o'clock.  On, Wisconsin.