Hanging in there

I always wondered what people meant when they talked about how going from 2-3 was harder than going from 1-2. Harder in what way, I thought? I remembered all the holding and the feeding and the doing things one-handed. And I am a total freakshow about keeping my wood floors spotlessly clean, so I thought floor maintenance might be a bit harder. And it is for sure.

But for me, the harder part is that I have absolutely no patience for Harry and Jack. I am okay with one of them at a time (not great but OK), but together? Forget about it. And they are going out of their way to screw with us. It's like they have forgotten every rule. Discarded every routine. I don't want to be a nagging shrew, but for goodness sake just SIT ON THE CHAIR when you eat your breakfast! Or maybe don't karate chop your brother 2 inches from the baby's squishy head. Just STOP SCREAMING at me.

So. Yeah. I feel like I am doing okay with the baby but I kind of suck at taking care of the big kids. Anybody else feel this way in the beginning? How'd you get over it? Luckily Ben and my mom are around to do fun stuff like fly kites!



It's a vicious cycle, right? Thy feel like I only love the baby because I am constantly consumed by his care. So they act out to see if I still love them. I get pissed and confirm their worst fears, so then they keep acting shitty, and I keep harping at them. Ugh.

I need to take a nap (and, since because of the timing of Cooper's birth, I have not had any caffeine since the morning of 9-8, I can nap whenever I want! Actually, I feel great decaff-- no, or little to no, anxiety and minimal sleep troubles-- totally counter intuitive.)

Cooper Dennis- late and snuggly

That's me pausing to have a contraction when we got to the hospital around 7 this morning, when the pain was pesky-- something I could smile through.


Yesterday I scheduled my induction for either the 12th or the 13th, talked with my doctor about the myriad interventions that could follow my promised pitocin drip, set up some pre-natal testing for today to make sure the baby's decrepit placenta could continue to support him through the weekend and generally freaked out.

I woke up at 2:45 this morning with uncomfortable contractions 8 minutes apart. I went downstairs to watch the movie Everybody's Fine and time them obsessively. By 5:50, they hurt and were 4 minutes apart. I woke up Ben. We called the hospital, and he canceled his class. we made some coffee, called my brother and headed to triage, where I was only a measly 3.5 cm. What a pisser.

We walked the halls for awhile because Cooper's heart beat was a cheerful 140 bpm the whole damn time no matter how terrible I felt, and when the resident checked again, I was 5 cm and admitted to a birth suite. The last birth suite. And the only one without a tub. I hung out in a hot shower for almost an hour and when I got out, I was only 6.5 cm and again pretty annoyed.

At this point, when a contraction struck, I would lean over the side of my bed, bury my face in a pillow, and make Ben rub my back. I could still breathe through them, so the nurse suggested we walk the halls again, and we decided I didn't need an epidural. Because, you guys, when i wasn't in increasing agony, I felt FINE. Totally and completely normal in fact.

Unfortunately, on our walk around the L&D loop, I had 4 contractions in about 6 minutes and tried to literally climb the walls. I thought I was going to die. We passed the nurses station, and I gurgled epidural at my nurse, who hurried to my room to start an IV. The resident followed her. I had the most agonizing contraction in the world, said fuck a lot, and almost turned the bed over. The nurse talked me through 2 more that followed back to back, and I managed to breathe through them. The resident checked me, and said it was time to push.

I went from 6.5 to 10 cm in about 30 minutes. No wonder that hurt so bad.

My water broke, full of meconium, and it was nasty.

I pushed for 26 minutes. THE LONGEST, MOST HORRIFIC, AND HORRIBLY PAINFUL 26 MINUTES OF MY LIFE.

And then:


7 pounds, 5 ounces, and 21 inches long, born at 12:40 pm.




The big brothers stopped by after school for presents and chocolate cigars.









And now? We are a family of 5.

OMG!! 40 3/4 weeks pregnant!

You guys this s all my fault for being so smug and thinking I would have the baby mid-August.

I know this.

And Harry getting teary-eyed at kindergarten drop-off is my fault for being so smug about him never once ever crying in 3 years of preschool.

I know this, too.

Also, I have spent the most ridiculous amount of money since I was about 37.5 weeks because I have nothing to do but shop either online or in person. Today, I just rounded out my post partum wardrobe with everything stretchy I could find at Old Navy. So having the baby will be good for my budget.

I am losing weight because I no longer have room to eat food.

I was horribly uncomfortable over Labor Day weekend, but I am okay now. Just bored. I keep having contractions, some of them so intense that I get out my iPhone contraction timer app and then THEY TOTALLY GO AWAY. Not cool. For a week.

Look at the size of my stomach:


Jack is really funny these days. He and I went to Target for a hot drink this morning after we dropped Harry off at school, and he was so cute and chatty and helpful at Old Navy. Here are a couple of random Jack videos from the last 2 days:

OMG!! Kindergarten!

Harry was such a sport posing for a million pics this morning

(still super pregnant. yes)

We walked to school

Harry was brave outside, but he seemed really freaked out when we left.

He was happy to see outside when school ended for the (long) day

Brothers! Reunited!

And then we went home for chocolate chip brownies. Harry said he cried a little because he missed us.

This is his back pack which cracks me up because it looks so official and only holds a lunch box and a water bottle.


I really don't know how to process kindergarten. I hope the public school system doesn't fail this kid, you know? And if there's trouble, I hope we can recognize its signs soon enough. We told him he had the nicest teacher in school because he was so freaked about school, but what if she's mean to him? Will he feel like he can tell us?

To change the subject, here's a picture of our last day of summer vacay. The grass is finally long enough for the kids to ruin it with the sprinkler, and they gave me quite the Big Time Rush karaoke concert. See?

Apparently, this baby wants us to pay a million dollars for an extra year of fancy schmancy preschool

Because if he wants to start kindergarten when he is 5, he needs to make an appearance by tomorrow at the latest. And judging by the fact that I have nothing going on labor wise, I feel like he is going to miss the cut off. Damn it.

I reached my own toes yesterday and was so excited at the feat (ha! feats! feet!) I did a DIY pedicure that turned out awesomely.

You know what being pregnant an extra 10+ days than usual gets you? FUCKING STRETCH MARKS. I am so pissed. It looks like a tiger might have scratched my back and hips and yesterday? Fuck it all, there was a scratch on my stomach. SO now I will never wear a 2-piece swimming suit again? Really? I have always had a couple small marks on my hips from fat college days, but they have always been hidden by my bikini bottoms. Now there's nowhere to hide, and I am so MAD.I bought some Bio Oil at target yesterday, so maybe that will help?

I had a babysitter yesterday while Ben taught a late class (he has about 5 weeks this semester where he leaves in the afternoon and doesn't come back until like 2 days later (except after the kids have gone to bed). Sucks. Anyway, while the babysitter was here, I went to Target and just walked around throwing random crap in my cart. Like stretch mark oil and DIY pedicure supplies. So glam.

I need to get H's first day of school clothes ready(Pirate polo from Gap Kids, gray shorts from Gap Kids, Sketchers Secret Lights shoes that he has been DYING to wear for weeks) and make his requested after-school snack on the off chance I miraculously go into labor and can't be home tomorrow, which would be terrible because it would traumatize him and would be wonderful because then would get to meet this baby who is grinding the hell out of my bladder. Oh. Also need to pack a school lunch and cross my fingers that he figures out how to buy milk in the cafeteria.

All I want to do is eat stuff and buy stuff, but today, I think I am too cranky and tired to go anywhere, so unless I online shop my fingers off, it looks like an eating day. When the babysitter comes over to handle dinner and outside playtime and bath, I hope to take a nap. Or maybe actually just go to bed. At like 4:30.

Did I mention also that I have horrible seasonal allergies right now? Made worse, no doubt, by the fact that outside my living room window is a huge field of WEEDS. As if the weight gain and the stretch marks (I am seriously enraged about the stretch marks-- I might as well have another baby now because my bounce-back chances are severely diminished) and the Shrek feet weren't enough, my nose is red, and my eyes are swollen into little slits.

See? I am a TREAT to be around today, huh? My kids are SO LUCKY to have me home with them.

39 Weeks and a Couple of Days.

This baby is apparently very comfy in here because he doesn't seem ready to evacuate. Every night, I have contractions for a few hours and then nothing. Such a tease.

Today, Harry and I went over to his school to meet his teacher and drop off his supplies. He was wildly chatty. His teacher was lovely. There are only 17 kids in his class, and they all have their own lockers, which are as tiny and adorable as you might imagine.

When he starts school later this week, he'll go ALL DAY 5 days a week. Totally crazy. All-day kindergarten is the only option in this district, but it seems like a lot of school for a little guy.

As much as I want to have the baby, I also want to be there for Harry's first day. I found an adorable photo pose on Pinterest which involved the purchase of a small slate, and I have already promised to make Harry chocolate chip brownies for his very first kindergarten after school snack. (I also got healthier snack ideas on Pinterest for later-- on the first day, he gets whatever he wants).

He was so relieved to find tons and tons and tons of toys in his classroom-- I think he was under the impression that kindergarten is all work all the time. He was also thrilled to discover that his class gets to play on BOTH playgrounds. The teacher asked him if he had any questions about kindergarten, and he tipped his head back and thought about it before asking, "Can we play on the big kid playground during recess?" When she said yes, he said, "Oh good. I have been so worried about that."

Well then. Sounds like he's going to be fine.

39 weeks. Nothing happening down there.

My kids were perfect little angels at the OB today, despite waiting for over an hour to see the doc. It helped that I doled out the Clif's Kids Z Bars and Twisted Fruit ropes (have you tried them? All dried fruit; no sugar; and organic!) and they each had their own iPad to play with. WHATEVER WORKS.

My doctor, it turns out, was so late because he has a brand! new! intern! trailing along, and mine? Was this kid's first cervix. (I figure I should let anyone in there who wants to check it out and the rammier the better-- let's get this show on the ROAD).

I am not quiiiiiiite 2 centimeters, which means THERE'S NO ACTION YET. My doc said my cervix is not favorable for an induction (which I didn't even ask for-- he probably just looked at my cankles and my gyrating stomach and KNEW), but not to despair, I could still go into labor at any moment. Also, he'll see me next week. NEXT WEEEEEEEK????? I have a 40-week appointment? This is unheard of for me! Next week, H starts kindergarten in the morning, and I get to go see why the hell I am still pregnant in the afternoon. Kind of a sunrise/ sunset day.

The baby was super awake and active this morning. His heart beat sounded like a galloping horse, and he worked himself up to 180 bpm trying to dodge the doppler wand. But there's nowhere to hide in there-- a person who is 5'2" tall can only get so big, you know?

I am taking the kids to the zoo after lunch-- the day I went into labor with Jack I hauled myself around the zoo all afternoon. Who knows? maybe it was the sight of the giant tortoises mating that did the trick, or maybe it was all the walking. Either way, hoping for some big turtle love and a baby soon.