Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Hanging in there

I always wondered what people meant when they talked about how going from 2-3 was harder than going from 1-2. Harder in what way, I thought? I remembered all the holding and the feeding and the doing things one-handed. And I am a total freakshow about keeping my wood floors spotlessly clean, so I thought floor maintenance might be a bit harder. And it is for sure.

But for me, the harder part is that I have absolutely no patience for Harry and Jack. I am okay with one of them at a time (not great but OK), but together? Forget about it. And they are going out of their way to screw with us. It's like they have forgotten every rule. Discarded every routine. I don't want to be a nagging shrew, but for goodness sake just SIT ON THE CHAIR when you eat your breakfast! Or maybe don't karate chop your brother 2 inches from the baby's squishy head. Just STOP SCREAMING at me.

So. Yeah. I feel like I am doing okay with the baby but I kind of suck at taking care of the big kids. Anybody else feel this way in the beginning? How'd you get over it? Luckily Ben and my mom are around to do fun stuff like fly kites!

It's a vicious cycle, right? Thy feel like I only love the baby because I am constantly consumed by his care. So they act out to see if I still love them. I get pissed and confirm their worst fears, so then they keep acting shitty, and I keep harping at them. Ugh.

I need to take a nap (and, since because of the timing of Cooper's birth, I have not had any caffeine since the morning of 9-8, I can nap whenever I want! Actually, I feel great decaff-- no, or little to no, anxiety and minimal sleep troubles-- totally counter intuitive.)


  1. Anonymous9:43 AM

    Cooper is adorable (as are the big boys)..you'll do great..just ask your mother how she was when her sister came to be

  2. This won't be comforting since #3 is now a year old, but it totally gets better. Going from 2 to 3 rocked my world. I don't even know what it was for me... other than Gabe went back to work the day after I came home from the hospital (yes, that's right, after a section) and I was alone with all three. And not supposed to pick up the then 21-month-old.

    It was just HARD at first. And it still isn't "easy". Like keeping up on housework and laundry and dishes and cooking and still playing with the kids just doesn't happen. Something has to give... and it is usually the putting away of laundry.

    You'll get on a routine and it will help. But I still remember how hard it was (is), so yell if you need someone to talk to!

  3. It is so hard at first. What worked for us was to ditch some of the rules that weren't that important and let the housework slide for a little while. (i.e. if he won't sit in a chair for breakfast, spread a tablecloth on the floor and have a picnic. Of brownies and chocolate milk. For breakfast. Because who gives a shit when I've had three hours of sleep in the last two days?). I know that's not really a solution, but it makes it more of a fun adventure than a competition for attention. You can ease back into the routine when you have more help, you know?

    That sounded more advice-y than I wanted it to, but you're awesome and your kids will ALL be fine and it just takes some getting used to. And time.

  4. It has been a roller coaster here. Some days everything goes well- AJU7 sleeps well during the day, the kids are occupied when she does need to eat and snuggle, and everyone is overall happy. Then there are the days AJU6 is completely clingy, AJU7 struggles to fall asleep, and I want to scream at all three of them and go take a bath. But, it is getting better. AJU7 is starting to "accept" being put down when not awake for short periods of time without screaming. AJU5 has most of the "rules" down and knows how things will go, and AJU6 is at least predictable with issues...

  5. It wasn't the 2-3, but after Syd was born I had this whole mental crisis because I just did not like Eli. At all. Syd was all cute and cuddly and snuggles and Eli was all boogers and climbing on me and attitude. I totally thought I had confirmed the whole "only enough love for one" thing. It got better though, especially when Syd started having her own attitude. For us, it helped that C was able to spend more time with Eli while I held/nursed/fed/made googly eyes with Sydney. And a few months in I made sure to take Eli on a couple of "dates", more to remember why I liked him than anything else. On bad days, I reminded myself that I was stuck with him, so I'd better make the best of it :) Good luck.

  6. See, I always heard that going from 2-3 was easier than going from 1-2. So...it's not?

    He certainly is adorable. And I agree that once you have a routine again, they'll adjust and forget that Cooper hasn't always been around. It always surprises me how quickly that happens.

  7. I went from 2-3 completely on my own since Brett lived in a different state for the first 6 months after Sophie was born. I have no idea how I did it other than keeping an EXTREMELY strict schedule, and never letting Sophie out of the bouncy seat, which was on a table way in the corner, unless the other kids were sleeping. if I set her on the floor when they were awake they would immediately pounce and practically hug her to death. you'll all settle in and everything will get easier.

  8. I think this is why in nature, they kick the older animals out on their own before they birth the next ones!

    I have so been there. It's really, really hard to not give all your attention to the baby for all the reasons you stated. And it's so so hard to deal with the big kids when they're acting like jerks. You'll figure it out. Cooper will sleep so much that you'll have more time with the big boys and everyone will be happier in about two months.

    But I have to warn you, things will likely get worse before they get better. Right now you're still on new-mommy adreneline. But in about a month, when getting up three times a night is getting really, really old and then getting up to get the kids off to school is about killing you, you will hit a wall. Then Cooper will drop a feeding and you'll start to feel a little more normal.

    Been there, done that. You're doing great. Just keep your head above water, it's all you can do right now.