1. Don't beat yourself up about falling off the whole30 wagon because all of the food and vodka you're surrounded with the the first few days after a loved one dies. You are only human. Also, life is obviously short.
2. Preparation H works great for puffy grief eyes. I am also eying one of these facial rollers, and I bought a gel bead sleep mask that I can put in the freezer.
3. You can actually be too sad to sleep. Did you know that? The night my dad died, I was up almost the whole time. I would drift off for a second, have a weird dream, startle a little, and then remember that my dad was dead and be wide awake and so, so sad.
4. You can also get grief acne, so that's a thing.
5. I know I was just complaining about too much booze and carbs, but the grief diet is a good one. Except, you know, that it sucks so bad. I am too sad to want to eat and also feel a little sick all of the time. MY JEANS FIT GREAT. Hashtag fucked up relationship with food.
6. Kids express grief by being assholes, which is kind of stressful, but no big deal when you remember that as freaked out as you are, they are probably ten thousand times more freaked out than you can even imagine.
7. Mindfulness helps. If I can focus on the present moment, I can be mostly OK.
8. People are going to give you the grief eyes and ask you how you are doing, and the best way to respond is to say "I feel terrible. This is terrible." It cuts through you pretending to be OK and them offering some bad advice. You can both just kind of agree that death sucks, and the conversations are generally really soothing and pleasant.
9. There's no wrong way to grieve. Want to go through dirty tub after dirty tub of pictures from the garage? That's OK. Want to be super annoyed about the never ending picture bins? That's OK, too. Don't judge your feelings. Just try to ride them out. Like that one time in college when mushrooms were nothing like you thought they'd be.
10. Make like Elsa and let it go. If the me of April 24th knew how infrequently the me of May 5 cleans her house, she'd be scandalized. Also, I wear giant sunglasses everywhere because I am constantly crying, and I am pretty OK with that.
Ok, that's what I've thought of in the last 10 days. (I SAW MY DAD 2 WEEKS AGO TODAY AND HE WAS FINE AND WE WENT OUT TO LUNCH AND I HUGGED HIM AND TOOK PICTURES AND THIS SUCKS SO BAD). What tips do you have? How do you stop yourself from being overwhelmed by the enormity and the permanence of the loss? That's where I am really struggling.