You guys! Specifically, you guys who have kids and a partner and both partners work outside the home on the same day at the same time. WHAT the FUCK? How do you DO it? Thanks to the mercy of scheduling, Ben and I do not have to be in the classroom at the same time ever except for this week and holy shit it is hard to get up and dressed and feed the kids and have coffee and start laundry and dress the kids for their babysitter and make the house look presentable and get ourselves dressed. And there's the dog. OH MY GOD. This morning, I paid about $100 in makeup for the chance to go to the bathroom. Dorothy ravaged my eyeshadows in such a short, short amount of time. Then she spent the whole time I flat ironed my hair and cut my 5-minute face routine to 3 minutes (I NEED THOSE FUCKING MINUTES BACK) filling a Costco-sized tampon box (you're welcome for all of the visuals that image brought with it) with hot rollers and dumping it out and filling it back up. On a related note, all of the pins that go with my hot rollers are missing, and since the 90s are back this fall, I am totally screwed. While all of this was going on, Jack and Cooper were completely unsupervised in the basement, and Harry was watching inappropriate Netflix selections and petting the dog. But I did clean up breakfast! The dog helped. I cannot imagine going through this nonsense 5 days a week. And having to take the kids to daycare? WHAT? How does that even work? And then I come home at nearly 6 exhausted from talking and standing all day and rumpled and grumpy from my bumper-to-number commute and Ben is tired too and the kids are happy to see us and everything's a mess, and the laundry is a jumbled pile, and 5 little people/animals need to eat, and HOLY SHIT. Then the next day we DO IT ALL AGAIN. WTF? One day, Ben was the SAHD, and that was almost worse because even though the getting ready was easier and the house was clean and the laundry was done and there was a hot dinner on the table, Ben was DONE DONE DONE with the kids and I had to be on them and didn't get the kitchen cleaned (I love cleaning the kitchen after dinner) until almost 10 pm. The one real benefit is that I have been doing my hair and wearing dresses and heels everyday, and I love those things. I love them so much that I have made Harry or Ben take my picture every morning and now I am going to post those pictures here. Narcissism FTW!
Tomorrow, neither Ben nor I needs to go to the office. Even though we have work to do, we plan to spend our days like this: