Picking up some of the balls I dropped

Before the miscarriage, I was on top of my shit.  Remember when I posted about all of the shit I was doing simultaneously?  Ugh.  I hate old smug me.  I still haven't picked up all of the balls I dropped, either.  Part of this is because without a baby-imposed deadline, I have more time to prep my classes, and the urgency that was driving me is not there anymore.

Now? I am just not quite on my game.  I have even stopped reading books.  I have a shelf full of overdue library books and keep staring at my phone during free time, which is actually just time I should be doing other things. I might need to go on a technology diet.  Seriously, I am so spacey and sluggish.

Case in point:  Ben called to chat while I was taking the little kids to school yesterday, and he said casually, "Oh, you should have made plans to  bring Jack's birthday snacks to school today."  I was like OH SHIT because I did in fact make plans to take Jack's birthday treats to school.  Before break.  Which I apparently FORGOT ALL ABOUT.  I thought about just getting donuts of a DQ cake, which is what most kids with working parents bring.  But then I was like no I am not just a working parent, I am also an overachiever with fucked up self confidence issues, so Dorothy and I ran to the nearest store (Wal Mart-- I HATE Wal Mart) and bought horrible things like Crisco.

 Then we ran home as fast as we could and slapped together these Cubs cakes to deliver to school.  I didn't even let them dry before I frosted them because that's how I live my life these days.  GAH.

 Jack is really into his art.

I am completely in love with this nude of Dorothy

But!  All of this is fluff because I really want to talk about the Whole30.  I did it religiously in February even though I was PREGNANT, and I loved it and didn't even think about cheating (fantasized about it, maybe).  But this time?  Or, I should say LAST TIME since I had to start over today?  I just can't keep my shit together.  Like, I will do OK for breakfast and lunch and then fall apart.  Or I will not even try, like this past weekend when I ate Twizzler after Twizzler in the car and and drank EVERYDAY.

The thing is, I can't figure out WHY.  Any insights?  According to Gretchen Rubin's Four Tendencies, I am an upholder, which means I meet internal and external expectations.  Do I just not WANT to do Whole 30?  So it's not an internal expectation?  I have an accountability group to help hold me to external expectations, but usually, I can do things that matter to me without the support of others.  And I LIKED the diet.  I LIKED eating so many servings of veggies, and I liked losing weight.  It's so frustrating.

I got back on the horse yesterday (and then ate 3 Reese's PB cups (minis) that I brought to my staff meeting), and plan to do the Whole26, stopping on my first annual 39th birthday.  I think I want to succeed, so what gives?

Easter Weekend, Part 2: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JACK!

It blows my mind that Jack is nine, which I know is the ultimate parenting cliche thing to say, but it wouldn't be a cliche if it wasn't a popular sentiment, right?

But seriously, you guys.  This day feels really current to me, like Third Eye Blind, the release of the third Harry Potter book, and the movie Catch Me If You Can (speaking of me being SO FREAKING OLD, watching Veep last night was like reuniting with old friends, and that's exactly how my grandpa used to feel about MASH).

Before we could get into the birthday stuff, Jack got excited about Easter.  Boys are so weird, by the way.  Never in my entire life would I have been excited to get a bag of balls.

 Cooper immediately gathered all of the ring pops and relived his pacifier days.

 So hobbity.

 People were posting all these glam pics of their Easter morning on FB, but this was me in yesterdays hair and jammies (until about 10:30, actually).

 Muddy egg hunt in jammies.  (The EB had to set an alarm to hide eggs outside because it rained all damn night.  The EB LOVES THAT).

 She found zero eggs, but Harry gave her a few.

 Mid hunt forced photo:

 The EB knew she would love this fiary garden that doesn;t actually have real plants, so it can't be killed.

 FINALLY Jack got to attack the huge pile of presents.

 He got the gold Cubs jersey that the team wore at their first home game, and Harry almost expired of jealously on the spot.

 He got a few other things, too, but the art set was the thing he really wanted, and he was as thrilled as we thought he'd be.  He's the sweetest kid.  He got a cookbook in his Easter basket, and he is counting the days until Wednesday when he can make dinner.

 Modeling:

 My parents tapped into his love of all things Bob's Burgers-- big hit.

 Blowing out his candles.  He is always relieved they aren't trick candles after this incident. #POTY

 We played Mad Libs for quite some time-- my kids LOOOOOOVE Mad Libs maybe more than I did, even, and I really liked them.

 Semi-cleaned up for Easter.

 It is impossible to be crabby when you are anticipating a huge meal and drinking proseco in the morning.

 Huntley was just so damn cute curled up on his chair.

 Accidental twinning.

 Cooper lived on Orange Crush, which he found in the basement fridge approximately 3 seconds after we got to my parents' house.

 OMG the ham GOOD.  My mom used this recipe.  As expected, Pioneer Woman knows her way around an Easter ham.

 Counting down the seconds until lunch was over and she could eat her chocolate bunny.

 The post-lunch nap we all wanted to take.

 The bunny came to our house, too!

 And the egg hunt was even more exciting because of all the dog poop!

Easter Weekend, Part 1

 Even though I hate it when my alarm goes off at 5 am, I LOVE my quiet writing and coffee time every morning.  It really helps me face a busy, crazy, never-quite-getting-everything-on-my-to-do-list day.

Speaking of crazy busy, we went to the zoo on Wednesday WITH A PICNIC that the kids packed themselves, which was the cutest ever.

 The animals were really feisty.  In addition to these fighting bears, an orangutan slapped another orangutan in the face, and the prairie dogs were screaming and biting each other in the butt.  COOPER LOVED IT ALL.  I told the kids that the bears were probably just playing, and Dorothy said, "Maybe they are playing fighting family.  HAHAHAHAHA."

 Forgot to get a kid in the frame,  IT HAPPENS.

 Having a moment by the polar bears.

 They are all obsessed with the otters,a nd I love how Jack tied his shirt AROUND HIS NECK.

 Obligatory.

 Then!  Thursday!  We hopped in the car and went to visit my aunt and grandma and uncle in Des Moines.  We started our visit with an Iowa Cubs game, and it was FANTASTIC.  Cheap tickets, great merch, good terrible food, and a play ground for the kids.  Plus!  It was totally empty!

 Harry caught a shirt from the t-shirt gun.  There was also a hot dog gun, but I didn't see it in action because I was on the playground under the bleachers with the little kids. I asked if it was really messy because in my head, I pictured mustard and buns flying everywhere.  Everyone gave me withering looks and explained THEY ARE WRAPPED UP.  Oh.

 Cooper sang "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" the whole way there and then would only eat peanuts and cracker jacks for lunch, which was SO CUTE.  And then he said his lips and tongue were itchy, and I almost had a heart attack but they were just irritated from the popcorn salt (he ate that, too).

 Harry got a foul ball, and he has been carrying it around all weekend.  He also got second place in a pony race on the field before the bottom of the 4th-- jack raced, too, and it was adorable.  harry was winning until he fell off his bouncing inflatable pony.  Oops.

 My aunt met us at the game, and we ditched the fam in the 5th inning to go visit my grandma in her nursing home, which was lovely and clean and full of nice people but still not the place I wish I could visit her-- you know?

 HOTEL POOL makes everything better.

 Then my aunt brought us Tai food and wine, and we ordered the kids a pizza, and we hung out by the hotel pool until far after kiddy bedtime.

 Ben almost died from his ballgame sunburn.

 The next morning at the nursing home, my grandma was asleep when we got there, so everyone wrote her a note, but then we made so much noise giving them to her that she woke up, and we said goodbye.

 Dorothy enjoyed a donut as soon as we got to my parents' house, and I enjoyed making the drive from Iowa to Pekin that we made a million times when I was a kid.

 Cooper, hiding.

 Harry's first Ding Dong, a momentous occasion.

 I made this "lovely" cake for Jack;s birthday today FROM SCRATCH.

 Oh!  And Cooper and my mom finally saw April's calf be born, and they have been checking in via web cam since the dramatic birth.

Ok.  About to deal with some very exciting EATSER BUNNY ACTION.  Stay tuned for Part 2...