18 for 2018: August Update

1. Blog everyday:  You freaking betcha-- even when I have absolutely NOTHING to say.  HA!

2. No FB 9-5 M-F: Ok.  You guys.  What the hell? How many articles about distracted parents do I have to read (ON FACEBOOK?) before I STOP DOING THIS.  I largely don't give any shits about people hanging out without me, which is a YUGE breakthrough, but omfg.  I wish I could have all of the time back that I wasted on FB in the last decade. I would be an accomplished novelist FOR SURE.

3.  Read 100 books: I mean.  I am in the 120s.

4.  Read Poetry:  I have slacked on this in a big way.  So!  I just put some collections from this list and this one on hold at the library.

5.  Table Setting:  Well, I did notice that we need ore salad bowls and plates?

6.  Book plot/writing: FUCK YOU stop NAGGING ME.

7.  Print Pics: Yep.  Good time waster.

8.  Track Spending: WHY ARE YOU JUDGING ME?

9.  Post on Insta and 1SE: I SE!  So behind!  

10:  Have a dinner party: LOLz.  We did have my parents over for dinner.  And we drank champagne. Sounds like a party to me.

11.  Let the kids entertain more at home: Sort of?

12.  Write poetry: Nope.

13.  Volunteer for candidates:  YEP.

14.  Clean the closet + maintain it: YES I DID!

15.  Family movie night: Well, we are watching Big Brother with the kids, but our regular movie night has turned into pool night, and I like it better maybe.

16.  Paint the downstairs and fix the bathroom:  HA.  HA.  HA.

17.  Harmonious mornings: Yes yes yes yes! After breakfast, everyone gets dressed for swim and dive, packs clothes to change into at the pool, fills a water bottle, gets a snack, grabs their tennis racket (if needed), etc.  It's amazing!  And now, of course, all of those activities are over for the last month of summer, and then school starts, so we will have to figure it all out again.  The really amazing thing about the school year is that I have NO early mornings, so we should be able to keep it together most of the time.

18:  More date nights: Yes!  This has been a terrific resolution!

Lucky Number 13

Happy Anniversary to Ben and me!

Lucky number 13!

It really does feel lucky, though, of course.  I wish we could go back in time and be 27 and getting married all over again,

I think I would still opt to lose 2 dress sizes and get a new dress instead of alterations.  And when my dress was too long on my wedding day, I think I would for sure stand by my decision to add another crinoline.

We'd still write our own vows and order pizza in our suite after the party ended.

I would pay closer attention to all of the faces in the crowd and know that some of them would not be around just 13 short years later.  I think I would do a  getter job, in general, of appreciating all of things people did for us that day-- even the act of showing up counts as doing something, you know?

I would revel in the Peoria of my wedding more instead of trying to pretend I was too cool.

I would try my luck with 15 vodka tonics instead of just a measly 11.

I would be even more excited about the future unfurling in front of us.  So much more than 10 days in Mexico on the horizon (although that honeymoon?  amazing.  as soon as Dorothy goes to college, we are going away for 10 days again).

What We're Eating This Week 32/52

I HAVE NO IDEA.

I am really only good at feeding my family for a couple of weeks after school starts before fall ball and hockey wear me down and I give completely up.  And this year!  I am late THREE nights an effing week.  So it will probably be more like a week.  And then!  Hockey picnics and frozen pizza and Culvers all around.

In the summer, we have such a formula.  Grill something.  Pick something from the garden.  Cut up a watermelon.  Bam!  Dinner!  Follow with ice cream.

So, I imagine more of that.

Video of the Week

And then we went back to the mall.

You aren't going to believe this because I don't even believe this, but we went BACK TO THE MALL are you kidding me the VERY NEXT DAY.

 Harrison decided that he literally could not live on more second without Birkenstocks, so he gathered his lawn-mowing and straggling birthday money and off we went.

Despite our experiences the other day, I really thought this was going to be a quick trip. Sure, we might have to go to one of the 4 different stores with Birks, but still.  We knew exactly what we wanted: mocha Birko-flor Arizona sandals.  Size TBD.

BUT THEN THE BROWN ONES WERE SOLD OUT IN HIS SIZE EVERYWHERE.

He almost got black but talked himself out of it.  He tried to scam me for $40 more to get the leather ones (apparently, you guys, the $99 Arizonas are FAKE LEATHER, as every freaking salesperson told me with a wrinkled up nose).

We went home empty handed, and Harry was so sad.  I called literally every store in town that sells Birks (and there are a lot because people here choose comfort over style EVERY TIME).  I even found them on Zappos (with next day delivery) and said he could get them that way.  But he wanted them RIGHT NOW.  Finally, after wearing mine around the house (they were too small), he decided to simply size up.  He's really a 39, but one lone store in town had a pair of browns in a 40, so he bought them.  FINALLY MY GOD FINALLY.  I wasted a whole day on them and was ready to fork over the extra cash to be done with it, even if that meant I also had to buy Jack a pair because OH MY GOD STOP ORGANIZING MY LIFE AROUND SANDALS.

 Dorothy and Cooper wanted to see if a raisin can turn back into a grape.  They lost interest before it sort of inflated.

 This is as clean as my car is going to get and it's actually still really dirty.  I used Goo Gone in the back cupholders to no avail.  And those cupholders on the floor?  Total design flaw because they get FILTHY when people stand on them, pass over them, etc.  Also, Harry hosed down all the mats and they look pretty OK.  Ugh.  Our cars are always super gross.

 Dorothy and Cooper did a little couch testing at Costco.  We are always keeping it classy.

 DATE NIGHT!  I could get used to this.

Online shopping forever

Dorothy discovered her undying love for Justice this week, God help us all, and I reaffirmed my already pretty damn steady commitment to online shopping.

See, the kids are invited to their first wedding this weekend (and, I mean, we are invited, too, duh), but none of them had a wedding appropriate outfit.  Some of them were close.  Dorothy has a million frilly dresses.  Harry actually had khakis and a for-real Polo that fit him.  Cooper had a million button-down shirts to choose from.  But!  Jack had NOTHING.  Harry really really really needed a belt so he could tuck in his damn shirt.  Cooper needed pants (like, real pants!) and shoes (oh god is he hard to buy shoes for.  Dorothy needed shoes and probably a head band.

So, after swim lessons, we set out to find all of those things, plus Addidas slides for Ben and Jack who needed them for Hilton Head.

We shopped from 10:30-3:30.  THAT'S A FULL DAMN DAY.

We started with a Culvers early lunch to ward off the crabbies and then shopped the whole mall: Dicks, Gap Kids, regular Gap, American Eagle, H&M, Boston Store (going out of business sale), JC Penney, Sears (going out of business sale), Justice, Payless,  Aldo, Vans, Journeys, The Buckle, Gymboree, Auntie Anns.  Then Target.  And Nordstrom Rack.  And also Old Navy.  Then back to Target.  IT WAS BRUTAL.  There was so much running in and not buying and then going back and actually buying.

While the kids got post-shopping haircuts and Dorothy ate a million dum-dums that she kept dropping all over the floor and sucking strangers' hair off of, I ordered the slides with my Zappos app in 90 seconds.  And they'll be here TOMORROW.  And?  THEY WERE CHEAPER ONLINE THAN AT THE MALL.

Bah humbug.  Robots, come and take my job.  I am sure you will do it better than I ever could.

What I Read: July

The book of the year, guys.  I read the book of the year.  Maybe the book of a lifetime. SPOILER ALERT.

I also read some other stuff, and it was all really good.  I just hit 122 books for the year, which means I have been averaging a little over 17 books a month.  July was below average, but also? REALLY ABOVE IT.  Most of these books are must-reads.

Read this if you like the Red Queen series:

15. War Storm by Victoria Aveyard:  I was all in on the Red Queen series, but the ending did not feel satisfying.  I skipped like 350 pages in the middle and I ddn't need to read them to know what was going on.  Not a good sign.

Read These If You Are Looking For Something Fraught and Sad but Well-Crafted:

14. The Party by Elizabeth Day:  This is a great, quick, sad and thrilling little read.  Excellent characters, and she makes the plot fresh by shifting the perspective.
13. The Only Story by Julian Barnes: Interestingly written, well drawn characters, quirky, ultimately so sad.

Read These if You Already Like These Authors:

12. The Identicals by Elin Hilderbrand:  I haven't read her before, but a book club friend posted a pic of this one on Instagram (or, maybe it was another one of her books because all of the covers look the same), and I liked it just fine.
11. Look Alive Out There by Sloane Crosley:  These essays are really funny, and I LOVED "Outside Voices" when I read it a while back in The New Yorker (oh my god--most pretentious sentence EVAR). But!  I didn't connect with them like I had hoped.  My book club is reading it next month, though, so maybe I will like it better then.

Read These for Great Characters:

10. Sorority by Genevieve Crane:  Yes!  Read this!  It's quick and witty, and the voices are excellent.
9. The Ensemble by Aja Gabel:  Give this book a few pages.  It gets good.

Read These if You Want to Cry:

8. Goodbye, Sweet Girl: A Story of Domestic Violence and Survival by Kelly Sundberg:  WOW!  This memoir is gripping, and this book is a fast-- but not entirely easy-- read.
7. You, Me, Everything by Catherine Isaac:  Oh this is sad!  Like cry at the pool sad.  But also funny and fast-paced.  If you like Lisa Genova and Jojo Moyes, you will like this one.

Read These if You Want a Page-Turner to Lose Yourself In:

6. Mrs. by Caitlin Macy:  I love a send up of NYC preschools, and this one was juicy.  A great pool read!
5. The Death of Mrs. Westaway by Ruth Ware:  I LOVE HER SO MUCH.  This one is just as good as her others, and I flew through it at a baseball tournament-- a should-read for sure.

Read These Because They Are WONDERFUL:

4. The Favorite Sister by Jessica Knoll:  Yes!  Read this!  Funny!  Scary!  Tense!  Keeps you guessing!  (Or, kept me guessing, anyway)
3. Providence by Caroline Kepnes:  I am an unabashed Kepnes fan, but this one is not as good as You or Hidden Bodies.  It's good, though, and super creepy.
2. Educated by Tara Westover:  Any other month, this book would be the clear winner. This memoir is astounding.  I mean, you guys, it was literally breathtaking.  Like, something would happen, and I would gasp and have to put the book down.  Read this!

Read This Because it Might Be the Best Book Ever:

1. The Great Believers by Rebecca Makkai:  Book of the month.  Book of the year. Maybe the best book ever.  I was so wrapped up and invested in the characters, and I was simultaneously spellbound by the plot.  She does a wonderful job of describing the early days of the AIDS pandemic and painting its path of destruction,  juxtaposing this harsh reality with the tragic fantasy of young men who think they have finally found a safe space for their sexuality.  The present-day plot is similarly devastating.  I sobbed like a baby at the end-- and I knew the final tear-jerking moments were looming for the last 100 or so pages, but I was heartbroken anyway.  There's a point midway through the book where an old Wisconsin woman is talking about her dead artist friends and how when she goes to a museum, she can see their absence that nearly killed me.  Makkai does this throughout the book-- she invokes a very specific tragic moment for her characters in a way that triggers the reader to read-in our own lived experience, even though our experience is different than her characters' lives.  What's the same is the feeling of longing for the last best moment we didn't know was the last best moment when we lived it.