The collapse of civil society and a few other things

I really decided to do the Whole30 because I am so freaking depressed and anxious about the world since the election.  I like candy too much to parlay these end-of-days feelings into stunning weight loss on my own, but with the help of a crazy restrictive diet plan that is basically a manufactured eating disorder, I have been doing better at  remaining calm about the threat of global climate collapse, nuclear holocaust, the other kind of holocaust, and the rise of fascism/simultaneous destruction of democratic norms.  I remember on election night, I had to go lie down in a dark room for a couple of hours and then I couldn't eat for 2 weeks (but I drank a lot so I still got my calories-- don't worry), and I felt like a frog hurled into a pot of boiling water trying desperately to get out.  Now, though, the horror of what's coming down the policy pipeline for our world is normal, and I am the frog in the regular water that's slowly coming to a boil.  Which might be worse.  I have definitely, as MLK said, drunk the tranquilizing drug of gradualism.

This DeVos confirmation today, though, has made everything boil again.  How is this happening in America, and what kind of a people will we be in 4 years? How will democracy endure in the face of constant assault from our (maybe not even fairly) elected government? Attacking the free press.  Destroying our schools.  Providing us with the fuel of hate and hiding the tools we need to dismantle it.

Schools-- good, funded, regulated-- schools are important.  Happy, qualified, smart, humane teachers are important. From the time they reach kindergarten, kids are in school almost all day long, and bad teachers can have an effect on kids for the rest of their lives.  Harry still bears social/emotional scars from his devastating second-grade year, and that was with us fighting for him every step of the way. Ugh.  I just can't even.  All the sugar/grain/dairy/ alcohol, sweet, sweet alcohol fasts in the world can't make me un-see this.

We have a terrible education-opposed governor here who has gutted our schools, leading to the creation of dubious charters and more vouchers and poorer, more crowded classrooms and stressed out staff and really ambitious policies that lack the structural support to make them sound, and it's been awful.  I don't know how we can take any more draconian cuts with doublespeak names-- and you know what? My personal kids, like the ones who live in my house, will probably knock on wood be OK.  But what about the rest of our kids?  Gah.  It's too terrible to think about.  I need to get back to obsessing about if I have enough cheesecloth on hand to make ghee.

Other things:

• I have recently taken up a quest to find all of the books I used to read at Bomma's house when I was little.  It's really, really fun because sometimes I can only remember an image or a line of text, and I have to really search for them.  I scored this little masterpiece for fifty-seven cents on Amazon and totally love it.
• My new Madison Moms Blog post is up, just in time for me to start thinking critically about our junior high choices
• Harry and I went to a panel on fighting Islamophobia last night that was excellent.  All of the speakers argued that we need to stop saying "Islamic terrorism" because that's an oxymoron, and it made me think about how carelessly that phrase is bandied about everywhere.  Harry took very studious little notes, which was the cutest.  He is also a really good note-taker, and he says he learned it in school.
• At that panel was a US attorney who swears that our institutions will save us and has strong faith in the courts in particular.  I so wanted to believe him.
• All 3 boys got their report cards (Cooper gets a report card because 4K is SERIOUS BUSINESS), and they were all excellent. Our district just revamped their report cards, and I was like oh whatever I will totally be able to understand this no problem, so I deleted all of the links to explanatory videos, etc.  And then, OF COURSE, when the report cards came, I was like oh shit I have NO IDEA what this means and had to watch the videos.  OF COURSE.
• Harry's hockey team won their state play-down tournament and gets to go to the state championship tournament on March-- they are really, really, really excited.  They played really well on Sunday, and it was really fun to watch them and we screamed and cheered like the hockey parents we have become.  I even seriously scoured the internet for a hockey mom don't puck with me sweatshirt, but I didn't buy it because I am doing this thing where I put all internet purchases in a cart and leave them alone for 24 hours and see if I still want them and so far Sheldon's Lunch is the only thing I have wanted.
• When I was starving for my lunch and Dorothy was slowly eating a big greasy hot dog on Sunday at the game, I almost snatched it out of her hands and devoured it, but that's mean, so I am still eating firmly on plan.
• Sunday night Ben and I went to a Superbowl party where I was the only person not drunk, and it was still fun.  Also, Harry let me borrow his jersey.
• Harry's Book Bowl team just won their school-wide competition with a perfect score, which is amazing, and now they advance to a district-wide competition.  I wonder if schools will still have Book Bowls when Dorothy is in 5th grade.  They definitely won't be reading books about kids in Sudan like Harry did, though, I bet.

The mighty Polar Caps after their state-bid-winning game:

 The hotdog I almost demolished:

 The best part is, we are not even Tom Brady fans, but his crazy manufactured eating disorder does make me jelly.  GOAT for sure.

Almost a week into my Whole28...

...and it's not so bad.

Actually, this post would have been way more positive had I written it yesterday, but I have been completely starving since 3pm yesterday afternoon no matter what I eat, and it's driving me NUTS.

Also, I went to a Super Bowl party and my friend who mainly eats paleo (except, you know, when she doesn't) reminded me that I am only 6 days into this lifestyle change and probably don't know what the hell I am talking about yet.  Which is SO TRUE.

Anyway, I have an awesome and funny FB group, and I have been taking non stop pictures of my food, so let's talk Whole30.

This is my FAVE breakfast: 2 eggs and a splash of egg whites because I have a carton of them that I need to use scrambled with half a link of chicken apple sausage and a TON of spinach, a baked potato with green onions, and a couple of cuties.

 I have started packing mega lunches-- no more salads for me.  This chicken and green beans and bacon dish was PHENOMENAL and I will add it to my rotation, Whole30 or no.

 This was an amazeballs dinner when I came home cranky and not knowing what to eat: chicken breasts covered in oregano and basil and roasted diced up and mixed with celery, sliced grapes, slivered almonds, and spicy mustard.  I had it on lettuce instead of a tortilla, which would have been my go-to in another life and added sliced apples instead of cheese.  Totally delish.

 My go-to breakfast, again.  I don't mind eating the same thing over and over.  Before this diet, I ate an onion bagel with cream cheese for like a year straight.

 Turkey burger pan friend in lard (I always have lard on hand because you never know when you need to make the perfect pie crust except NOT FOR AWHILE), on lettuce with spicy mustanrd and peppers and salsa on the side.

 I really over did the almond butter here, but I was SO HUNGRY.  I ended up with a terrible stomach ache from all the oil, so I won't make that mistake again.  Also, I put thawed frozen raspberries on my salad and some balsamic, and the juice and the vinegar made an excellent dressing.

 The grocery store did not give me spinach, which TOTALLY SUCKS, and instead they gave me a huge stub of spring greens, so I feel compelled to eat them at every meal.

 Tiny burgers with sweet potatoes for buns! SO GOOD!  I also made a whole bag of potatoes into oven fries with coconut oil and salt and pepper, and they were lovely.  They would have been better with ketchup, but I haven't had time to make any.

 This was lovely because I got sick of eggs: a baked sweet potato with two chopped dates and 2 teaspoons of almond butter.

 I was DYING for lunch after hockey yesterday, so I made my same old eggs thing only with kale instead of spinach (kale is a solid meh in eggs, but I bought a lot with huge plans to make chips and a kale-lemon-chicken salad) and a quarter of a cantaloupe, but I was so hungry that i ate first and photographed later.

I have also been loving raw almonds for a snack, along with dates for a blood sugar boost and Larabars-- OMFG Larabars.  I am taking Harry to an anti-Islamaphobia panel tonight, and while it will be easy to grab dinner for him, I plan to eat a big snack (maybe a turkey burger) before we go and pack a cute, some almonds, and a Larabar to eat on the go-- serious lifesavers.

I haven't been tempted to eat off plan, but I was not strong enough (LOLz but really) to make brownies for a Super Bowl party.  I did make this dip, and it was lovely.  I made my own buffalo sauce with lard, Frank's hot sauce, and a dash of vinegar, by the way.

If you have an Whole30 tips, I am ALL EARS.

Zero dollar day

(Not a totally zero dollar day because Ben had to go to Menard's for a lightbulb, windshield washer fluid, and chalk board paint because it turns out we painted that one wall in the playroom with CHALKED paint, which I don't even know what the hell that is and TOTALLY explains why the paint peeled off when we tried to erase stuff.  Ha! We are so good at home improvement!)

The kids all had no school yesterday for professional development for their teachers, and I, of course, scrambled around for some things to do.  The local bounce house place had a $10 for the first kid/ $7 for each additional kid special.  About $31.  We had coupons for the trampoline park-- a bogo and 2 passes for an hour free with a paid hour.  But it's really pricey per hour, so I'd still be looking at $30 because I would have to pay for myself, too, because I am a sucker for bouncing on trampolines.  We had a few free bowling coupons, but we would still have to pay for shoes, and odds are we would play more than one game to make shoe rental worth it, so that was going to be about $35 plus the inevitable snacks and drinks that I would be badgered mercilessly to buy.  Plus all of those things sounded like more effort than I wanted to put into the day.  I mean, I did not take a shower until 6 pm.

So!  I thought maybe it would be fun to challenge myself to spend nothing and still make the day great.  Sitting around and bitching at the kids all day is free, but it's not so fun.  For them.

Jack was pretty sure his day would be fab because he slept in a tent in the basement after we watched Groundhog Day, so I mean, he literally woke up awesome.

 This is the fake book on our shelf that mainly holds coupons for jumpy house places and bowling allies.

 Harry has Book Bowl at school on Tuesday, and the amount of NOT READING his assigned books that he is doing is giving me a stomach ache.  Him?  Not so much.

 I was seriously freaked out because I thought Dorothy tossed her dolly on the fan, but Ben did it.

 The library came to our rescue!  They have a Young and the Restless (ha!) playtime that we usually can't go to because the little kids are at preschool.  Cooper and Dortohy loved it, and Jack and Harry hung out with their laptops and books in the teen reading room.

 Then we all checked out a bunch of books.

 And they very seriously watched their quarters in the vortex funnel.

 They had some unstructured playtime, which I am pretty sure they used to play Crossy Road on the downstairs TV, but it;s a don't ask don't tell policy around here when I clean up lunch/put away groceries/put away the laundry.

 And then!  Neighborhood sledding!  Getting outside always makes everyone instantly happy, and it was delightfully sunny yesterday  (and also really cold).

 Harry got some serious air on this snow mound that the neighborhood kids built as a jump.

 And then I made everyone come home because the hill we were sledding on shot everyone out onto an icy pond and it was seriously freaking me out.

When we got home, not only was Ben there (yay!  I tagged myself out immediately!), but my super awesome Planned Parenthood tote bag arrived as well.  I ordered it before Christmas, and it finally came!  At the end of a long day, like a little present for having fun for ZERO DOLLARS.

The Day of All of the Things

Remember last week?  How I was complaining about my over scheduled Wednesday and then a miraculous snow day happened?  Well, all of that shit got rescheduled. For the day before yesterday.  And Ben worked until 7.  So, the marathon day was upon me.

It was... not as bad as I feared.

I did a couple of things that saved the day:

1.  I totally prepared ahead of time.  I made sure that everyone's back packs were packed and Harry and Jack had lunches the night before.  I helped everyone lay out their clothes.  I packed Dorothy's dance bag with her ballet and hip hop shoes, the doll she needs for her ballet number, a snack and a water bottle for both her and Cooper, and a backpack full of toys for Coop.  I even packed hockey dinners and put them in the fridge and pre-wrote a monthly check for Jack's tutor and made sure it was in the car with his tutoring binder.  This ensured that everything was at my fingertips as our hectic schedule snowballed and that I could use the kids' school time for me, not for prep work.

2.  I got up at 5 but instead of working out, I mashed the start button on my pre-filled coffee pot and snuggled up on the couch with a blanket to make my writing goal, work on my adjunct online class discussions, and take care of other writing tasks.

3.  By the time I picked Dorothy and Cooper up from school and had to do all of the things, I was exercised and dressed, the house was clean except for the kitchen which we were going to trash with lunch anyway, and all the day's laundry was done and put away.  Basically, I had nothing else to do all day, so the stress of all the kid-errands was the only item on my list to cope with, and with no work hanging over me, it wasn't that stressful.  I could have taken a nap, even, but instead I made a delicious Whole30 dinner that Ben and Harry and I all ate when we got home from Harry's junior high open house.

Speaking of that, it was lovely.  I am so excited that he  going to such a huge (600 kids!) and fun school next year.  All of the kids were beyond excited to see the Gatorade cooler and ice cream freezer in the cafeteria, and I was charmed by the student-produced video announcements.  Our 8th grade tour guide was possibly the mot adorable person I have ever encountered, and the principal and teachers seemed bright and energetic.  the whole pace was student-centered.  That's there mission statement, and it seems to be the real deal.  We're all really excited.  Except school STARTS at 7:35 am, so that's brutal.

And speaking of the Whole30-- its really fucking hard.  But I have noticed how many times I have not eaten a bite of the kids' food (and when I say a bite, I mean ALL OF THEIR DINNER LEFTOVERS) already, and if I could just cut out that kind of mindless snacking, my life would be transformed.

I eat and shop healthy anyway, I jut also pile on cookies and wine on top of all of the good foods, so the grocery shopping and meal planning in NBD.  The not eating a bagel for breakfast?  Sucks.

We had another dollar-store fueled V-day crafting session (and by we, I mean Dorothy, Cooper, and Jack).  Now all they have to do is write their names and their friends' names on them.  Phew!

 Cooper used ALL OF THE GLUE but the whole time he was using it, he wa saying "Dot, do, not a lot."  It SLAYED me.

 Ben just happened to leave a bowl full of these on the table on his way to work the first day of the Whole30.  he also picked that day to bring home a huge box of truffles a student gave him for Christmas.

 Dorothy cannot take her eyes off her reflection in dance class.

 AREN'T THEY ADORABLE?!

 This breakfast was the best thing I have ever eaten because I was STARVING.

Happy Groundhog Day!

We attended the most adorable groundhog prognostication ceremony today, and I cried a little almost when the local pol who had been making crowd size jokes said that Groundhog Day is a testament to how hearty and optimistic the people of Wisconsin are.

IT SO IS.

WE SO ARE.

Also, this particular groundhog needs to be caged because a couple of years ago he went viral after biting the mayor's ear when the mayor leaned close to hear his prediction.

The ceremony managed to both take itself really seriously (a color guard!  the national anthem! politicians giving speeches!) and know it was totally ridiculous, which was the perfect vibe, and a really hard one to get just right.  (Think President Obama pardoning his last turkey.)  Plus, also, Hmong and Spanish translation.  Love it.

It was actually brutally cold, and even though all the kids were all wearing full snow gear Dorothy sobbed that her hands were freezing and then because her tears froze to her face, and Cooper decided he would rather pull his hat over his face than see what was going on.  I brought them all yogurt tubes and pop tarts, but I forgot to pack anything for me, and when the Badger football/basketball announcer (who announced a state rep as a  "Six foot, three inch senior from Sun Prairie, Wisconsin") urged everyone to head to the diner for a slice of "Jimmy the Groundhog...cake," I was super disappointed to hear the cake part because rodents are totes Whole30 compliant.

Dorothy did not care about winter.  She just wanted to be warm again.

 Harry is happy because we haven't had a chance to skate on  apond yet, and now we have until mid-March!

 Much safer Jimmy:

 We got there IN THE DARK-- they kids were jazzed because they hadn't gotten frostbite yet.

 Also a non-biting Jimmy option

 SO COLD

 Aw, he's such a cute little kid still.

 At least his face is warm.

 This guy said there must have been a million, million and a half people assembled in the town square.  Ben and I put down the kids we were holding to cheer for him.  Then we picked those kids back up so they would stop screaming at us.

 The mayor exercised caution.

 No biting!  Phew!

 Eat it, Jimmy.  I'm cold.

January: What I Read

I told Goodreads I wanted to read 120 books this year because that seemed like a nice round number, and according to my official Goodreads reading challenge page, I am 9% there.

I read some big name books this month that I actually didn't like very much, which always makes me feel like an idiot, but what are you going to do?  I'll tell you what I am not going to do.  I am not going to lie to you about the books just to make myself look smarter because I really liked Tana French and Jodi Picoult this month because WHY NOT.  If I have the reading habits of a chubby Wisconsin housewife it;s because I AM ONE, at least 2.5 days a week.

11. The Whole30: The Official 30-day Guide to Total Health and Food Freedom by Melissa Hartwig and Dallas Hartwig:  Something that drove me totally bat shit crazy about this book was that they repeatedly called the nutritional research behind their diet plan "science-y."  But, the more I read, the more I realized it actually is probably based on total crap pseudo-science, and then I decided to be annoyed by the forty thousand reference to my Sugar Dragon.  Still, It was nicely laid out and informative, and I am ready to eat no fucking sugar this month, so bring it.

10.  Talking as Fast as I Can by Lauren Graham:  The part where she goes through filming each episode of the new Gilmore Girls and sums up each season of the old show is great.  But, she talks and talks about her English degree and her writing experience. and this book does not necessarily reflect that experience.

9.  Nicotine by Nell Zink:  You guys.  I just didn't love it.

8.  Swing Time by Zadie Smith:  Same.

7.  Darling Days by iO Wright Tillett:  This is a helluvua disturbing memoir. It made a drive from Madison to Pekin fly by.  iO's parents did a lot of things wrong, but helping their child understand and express gender fluidity was not one of them.

6. The Trespasser by Tana French:  Loved it-- a thriller that's right up my alley and part of a series, which is always good to discover.

5.  Small Great Things by Jodi Picoult:  Dude, you guys, I like Jodi Picoult.  I know the fact that she has written a billion NYT bestsellers can be a turn off for a book snob, but her books are fun to read.  Even this one whose handling of race was ham handed and trite had a wonderfully paced plot and was a page-turner right to the end.

4.  You'll Grow Out of It by Jessi Klein:  Really, really, really funny.  And then at the end, poignant.  My favorite.

3.  The Couple Next Door by Shari Lapena:  This was scary and I read it in less than 2 hours, also my favorite.

2.  Lilac Girls by Martha Hall Kelly:  I really did like this because the stories were compelling and came together in unexpected ways at the end.  But it was kind of every Holocaust book stereotype ever in one story.  Still, it's a thick book, and I read it really quickly because it was so engrossing.  And also the story of the character who is arrested for working on the Polish resistance is totally horrifying read against out current events background.  Is it wrong that I kind of hate Holocaust stories that aren't about Jews?  I mean, I know there were other people in the camps, but when you think about the Whitehouse's all-lives-matter-y statement on Holocaust Remembrance Day, you think maybe we need to read a few more books about the systematic murder of six million Jews, you know?

1.  Harry Potter and the Cursed Child by JK Rowling, John Thorne, and John Tiffany:  Oh, this was wonderful.  Like being reunited with all of my old friends.  To say I devoured it is an actual understatement.