I was so busy today, but I have nothing but a fridge full of leftovers to show for it

I just saw a speech in my department's speech contest about how sitting all day is detrimental to your health.  But I guess I don't have to worry about that because I JUST NOW SAT DOWN for the first tim all damn day except for when I ate dinner (breakfast and lunch were standing up at the counter) (and I was up and down to fetch things for people so many times it doesn't really count), when I did 20 minutes of time-sensitive work for my adjunct online class, and when I read the kids (all 4 of them in two separate sessions #MOTY) bedtime stories.

What did I do all day, you ask?

Mainly make dinner.

We had brisket, latkes Brussels sprouts and brownie sundaes.  Because the dinner hour is wicked crazy around here with everyone losing their shit and just generally acting like a bunch of assholes (me included), I absolutely cannot make a high-prep dinner during the 4-5:3- time slot.  So, since the damn brisket needed 4 hours to cook and 30 minutes to sit covered in foil, I prepped everything right after breakfast.  At 11:05, I was STILL STANDING AT THE STOVE FRYING LATKES.  Are you effing kidding me?  And I used the freaking food processor to grate the potato and onion. Can you even imagine the time it would have taken to do it by hand?  Yikes.

I worked out from 11:15-12:15, made the little kids lunch, ate a quesadilla, some carrots, an apple, and a green salad standing up, and tidied up the kitchen until 1, showered and got dressed from 1:00-1:36, got the little kids dressed to go pick up the boys by 1:50, came home with everyone and switched the laundry and loaded the dishwasher  and started Harry on his homework and then loaded the little kids up in the stroller to take Jack to his tutor's house by 2:30, swinging by school on my way home to grab his forgotten spelling list.  From 2:45-3:25, I half-assedly supervised Harry's homework, made and cleaned up brownies, cleaned up the back pack explosions in the laundry room, though idly about waking Dorothy from the nap she abruptly took in the stroller and continued on the couch even though Beatrix kept licking her face and nibbling on her hair but did assorted house chores-- mainly running from room to room putting people's shit mostly where it went-- instead.  The babies and I drove back to the tutor's house to get Jack and then Harry and his friends started playing basketball on the driveway while all 3 little kids had some iPad time and I bustled about cleaning up snack and setting the dinner table, assembling serving dishes, putting the latkes on foil-lined cookie sheets so they could crisp up in the oven once the brisket took its time out.  I put away a huge mountain of laundry from the boys' weekend with Ben's help and watched Cooper lose his shit before, during, and after dinner, despite a wonderful dessert.

As soon as I got the kitchen cleaned up at 7, it was time for little kid bath/story/bedtime.  I went straight from  that downstairs to do a tiny bit more homework with jack, prep his homework for tomorrow, and read Auggie and Me.  Then we downloaded "Seven Nation Army" because the book references that song, and the boys had never heard it, and Jack did an awesome interpretive dance.  Then, finally, they went to bed and I wrote this and ate a million (7) Hershey's kisses.

I need to go to bed soon because I need to have the world's most productive day at work tomorrow because I am getting 40 (gah) 15-page research papers, with 40 (gah) 12-page final exams coming in on Thursday.  And I want to have my spring totally prepped and everything totally graded  by 12-21, my last day on campus, so I can walk away and not look back until 1-13.  BREAK IS SO SHORT THIS YEAR.

So, anyway, goodnight.

Home again!

BEN HAS BEEN GONE ALL WEEKEND.

Well, Ben and all 3 boys.

Harry had a hockey tournament in Eau Claire, and his team placed 3rd and he got a hat trick today and was just generally SO PROUD and happy.  Jack and Cooper were over the moon excited about 2 nights in a hotel (with carpet on the WALLS because that's how hockey teams travel, apparently) with a pool and a breakfast buffet.  We didn't stay home and shop the weekend away to be all gender stereotype-y-- although we were-- but we stayed home because Dorothy is a crappy hockey spectator.

I MISSED THEM ALL SO MUCH.

I got dressed up and went out for fancy dinner and the Wine Night Christmas party alone with all of our friends last night-- a party of nine-- 4 couples and me at dinner.  Wah-wah.  The golf course bar by our house is closing (CLUTCH YOUR PEARLS), so we had a last hurrah at the place, and I missed Ben so much  (a new bar is taking over THANK GOD).  Jack apparently cried himself to sleep last night because he "missed mommy."  ADORABLE.  And I missed him, too.

Tonight was the last night of Hanukkah, and there was much unwrapping.  Dorothy and I even made a cake for general celebration purposes.  An excellent day, now that we are all home together.  Minus Cooper's fish that Ben killed.

A girl! A girl to shop with!

The first thing Dorothy said to me this morning, when she stomped into my room warm and red-faced and with the back of her hair sticking straight up, was "Mommy!  Where are my necklace, my bracelet, and my ring?"

That's because yesterday, I took her birthday shopping for her friend at Claire's, her favorite store in the world.  Or, it was her favorite store in the world until she discovered Build a Bear, which she didn't even know existed.

 But because I am a tyrant, I didn't let her wear her new accessories to bed because I didn't want her to choke on them, so she couldn't wait to put them on this morning.  Also?  She was super excited to color her Build a Bear box like ASAP.  As soon as she was sufficiently bejeweled, in fact, she requested her markers and got right to work.

She demanded to wear her new finery immediately after we bought it.  About 26 minutes later, the Elsa heart thing on her ring popped off, and we had to go back and exchange the whole set.  Her enthusiasm was not-- COULD NOT BE-- dampened.

 She could not even at Build a Bear.

 I mean, it was just SO COOL.

 She insisted upon wearing her Sleeping Beauty dress with her princess hat that she calls her cone.  That blur is her new rainbow wand.

 She asked for eggs, French toast with whipped cream and sugar, and strawberries for breakfast while she colored.

 Then we made a really ill advised stop at a different mall and at Costco-- WHY do I go to Costco on the damn WEEKEND?-- and had lunch at a diner Dorothy calls "the pie place" because they have awesome pie.

She's a hilarious little person, that's fur sure.

You should definitely read all these rhetorical questions in your best Carrie Bradshaw voice

I finished my blocker book!  And it was kind of crappy and a total bummer and the world is likely ending.  So.

On Facebook tonight, I saw that a few of my friends were having drinks in a hot tub, so I did what I really don't do enough in my giant soaker tub:  I soaked.  In scalding water with a stack of magazines.  It was the best.  Even though it is like 50 here today, I have been freezing cold ALL DAY and now I am finally warm.

Also, Facebook gives me FOMO and it would have been HELL to have social media in high school and college.  I am almost 40 and I still feel left out when people in my feed are at events and I am not.  I cannot imagine how terrible this is for a 16-22 year old girl.  Gah.

And another thing! My stomach is rounded even when I am lying flat-- it used to be concave when I laid down or at least flat.  But not anymore.

Which brigs me to:  wanting a baby.  I really have been thinking about having one in a serious but tentative way for a little while now.  For lots of reasons:  Things are getting easy here again.  There's an empty bedroom.  Plenty of space in the ol' minivan.  One of the best things about our house is that we're across the street from an elementary school-- let's exercise that benefit.  We don't need to worry about daycare.  In 2 years, we'd be back on easy street and still not 40.  I LOVE BABIES.  I am still hauling around 20-25 pounds from baby #3, so fuck it. There are lots of reasons in the con column, too:  Unmedicated childbirth hurts like a motherfucker.  I am already hauling around 20-25 pounds from baby #3, so there's be no bouncing back from #5.  I might as well buy some bright white Reeboks and a bunch of mock turtle necks and a fanny pack to loop around my FUPA.  I will never remember to do math facts with Jack ever again.

But tonight at the mall, I realized that a 5th baby might cramp my style.  Literally.  Dorothy and I were walking through a department store that has recently added a Free People area and upped its shoe game in a big way and I wondered if I would ever have my shit together enough to wear sophisticated shirts and heels again, noting that I was dressed in ripped up boyfriend jeans and New Balances with no socks and a giant North Face coat over my sequined Mickey sweatshirt.  Holy balls.  Where are Stacy and Clinton when I need them?  But with a fifth kid to feed an organic diet and buy a Chrismukkah-palooza of toys, could I even afford to shop whenever I want?  I mean, rounded stomach and sloppy wardrobe aside, could I have the resources to get my shit together even if I wanted to?

Then I think about holiday dinners-- we want a houseful and we figure we need to have a lot of kids to increase our odds that at least a couple of them will come home.  There are still baby names I want to use. I am equally charmed by the thought of 4 boys and sisters.  I don't feel like we're complete-- or this doesn't HAVE to be complete, I guess.

But!  If I were really serious about more kids, would sparkly silver heels and the cutest little sweater/oxford/miniskirt combo in the window of Banana really make me rethink my life choices?  I definitely came home and ate a billion Candy Cane Joe Joes and almond Hershey Kisses, so there's that.

Blocker Book

So here it is, December 10, and I have only read part of one book all month. I have had to return and re-check out all my other library books twice (no renewal on certain titles-- long story-- I mean, not much longer than I just told it), and I owe as much in fines on the damn book as if I would have just bought it on Amazon (not quite-- fines are $.25 a day, and i it is 15 days late, burt STILL).

I am a huge Fan of Gretchen Rubin's Happier podcast, and she said in an episode that it's good to stop reading a book if you no longer enjoy it-- in fact, she practices this herself and reads a really impressive stack of books every week that makes my monthly totals looks light.  But!  I cannot quite bring myself to follow this advice, and I don't know why.  I think it's the same reason I can't bring myself to stop wearing clothes when they get too tight: a total admission of failure.  I want to be able to break up with a book I don't love., but I feel like it;s my fault-- if I was just smarter/more hip/more worldly/smarter I would adore the book LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. I have gotten a little better at this.  I HATE Jonathan Franzen and Salman Rushdie and not because I don't understand them, and I am OK with admitting this.  But!  I did slog all the way through both of their recent books.

The book that's holding me up this month is Jane Smiley's Golden Age.  The thing is, I don't want to quit.  I am invested in the Langdons because this is the third large book in a trilogy about the same family.  And there are times when the book leaves me breathless because it's so astonishingly crafted-- she has this amazing ability to drop in on her many, many characters for a few brief moments that let readers understand how these characters will act in any circumstance.  They are such fully realized people that we only need to peak on each of them for a minute or two.  She also sets up these really intricate plot points that are then solved or written off or changed completely in the course of a conversation with another character-- readers just get to overhear the often important ending of someone else's story.  I LOVE these little tidbits, and they make me focus my attention.

But!  I WOULD RATHER PLAY 2048 OR LOOK AT THE INTERNET THAN READ THIS BOOK MOST OF THE TIME.

I should quit and make room for the other books on my shelf, but for some reason, I can't make myself walk away from a book I love.  Maybe next year.

Bah

Ugh.  I started out today SO STRONG you guys.

Hot breakfast on Christmas plates.  On a school morning. With snowman placemats.  I MEAN.

But then after I dropped the kids off (dressed, but with scraggly hair and no makeup-- a couple of my friends didn't recognize me which is always awesome), I got back in bed for a little bit because next week is the last week of school before winter break, and I need to make the most of these mornings.  And then everything was late a little.  The paperwork I needed to submit for an expense report.  Emails.  Online class maintenance.  Making the beds.  Cleaning up breakfast. Buying teacher gifts.  And then it was 2:00 and the laundry wasn't put away and the eggs were still on the table and the little kids had been home for hours and were starting to drive me crazy.

And, in conclusion, I have eaten all of the TJ's snacks and almost no vegetables (carrots slathered in Pub Cheese).

Bah.

Little Cart Adventure

Yesterday, I realized I haven't been to Trader Joe's in so long that I might have missed all the seasonal holiday items already.  It's true that the gingerbread houses are sold out (BOO), but there were plenty of gingerbread men, dark chocolate stars, candy cane Joe Joe's, dark chocolate dipped candy cane Joe Joes, truffles, etc.

I spent $80 and the only healthy things I got were a bunch of bananas and some spicy salsa.  It was glorious. (Dark chocolate stars are already dead to me, BTW).

But! Everyone in the whole damn store was rude to us.  An old lady cut us off going to the bathroom AND going to the cash register.  When I was done paying for my groceries, I knelt down to help Cooper put his coat back on (COOPER, dude, if you can't put your frigging coat back on by yourself, THEN STOP TAKING IT OFF) and the lady who was next in line put her purse down on top of mine next to the card reader as if to say my time was UP.  The snack lady did not think it was funny when Dorothy and Cooper decided they hated fig and goat cheese and sweetly threw away their cups.  She was annoyed that they only had a bite of their weird little flatbread.  WHO CARES?  Even though they were well behaved with their little carts (a cause for celebration if ever there was one), they got lots of sighs even when they were in an open area and not blocking any merch which was more than I can say for all the assholes who were shopping like they had all the time in the world and thought nothing of blocking on side of the aisle with their bodies and the other side with their carts.  No need to read all the ingredients, people, canned stuff is going to kill you.  It's true that we were the only kid people in the store-- maybe it was grown up day?  Doesn't anyone spend the day with their small children anymore?  Anyway, super annoying.  If it wasn't for the sriracha ranch dressing, I would not be back before pumpkin flavored everything time next year.

 SLIPPERS last night for Hanukkah.  Ben prepped them first by explaining they were NOT getting a toy, and they loved them.  I had a hard time deciding on Dorothy's.  There were some fluffy blue sparkly ones with a picture of Elsa and Anna, some Olaf ones where it looks like you stuck your foot in his fact, and then these Paw Patrol beauties.  She is telling everyone that she is now Sky Elsa, not just Elsa, so it was a good pick.

I saw Krampas last night, and while it was decidedly NOT scary, it was campy and funny, and I can't wait to watch it every year.  And!  I saw a preview for The Boy.  CAN.  NOT.  WAIT.