Bangs, again.

Her Fred Flintstone feet! Her big kid water bottle! Her BOW.

Pool to ourselves!

Do you love how she holds a bottle with her toes? Because I do.

I got bangs. I have feelings about them.

(I also had bangs 8 years ago)
 

Will I ever have time to work again?

 Minnie wakes up usually once but also sometimes more than once every night. And the times are variable. Sometimes 11. Sometimes 1. Sometimes 4 am. She is also up for the day at around 6 but sometimes not until 7. All of this makes it very hard for me to get up early and work. On the one hand, I am very tired. On the other hand, it is impossible to get up early because she might be up any second. So me getting up at 5 something to work is stupid if the baby is just going to wake up at 5:45 or 6. Because it is not like Ben is the person she wants to see. He would deeply like to be, but he is not.

And I really didn't realize how much I counted on those 90 precious minutes every morning until I didn't have them. Sometimes, it is 9:45 at night before I can get anything done. Like, the whole day is gone because I have time to think a whole thought in front of my computer.

So my book? NOT COMING ALONG WELL.

My sanity? DITTO.

I have enough perspective to know that this is a season-- a short one-- but sometimes in the moment, it is hard to remember this, you know? Like, I thought to myself I should just stay awake at 4 am and get some work done and then I laughed and laughed. Because that? Doesn't sound like a thing I want to do on the regular. WHO WOULD?

Let's be real, though, I would miss her if she slept all night without me. When I lift her out of her crib, she says "Hi. Hug" and squeezes herself around my neck, and it is wonderful.

Hello anxiety, my old friend. Whom I hate.

 SO MUCH anxiety. YOU GUYS. I have not felt this anxious about anything since the beginning of the pandemic. I remember going out to lunch with a friend right before everything shut down, and we were both like all caught up on doom science, just like waiting for the rest of the world to catch up with us and feeling so worried. Then, the very next week, the whole world shut down, and we both felt SO MUCH BETTER.

And back then I was pregnant, which is a time of hormonal tranquility for me.

The current combination of a terrible resurgence of COVID, the vaccine not keeping my unvaccinated children safe any more, everything wide open, the school year looming, AND my regular hormones back? FOR GET ABOUT IT.

Acupuncture has been helping me maintain an even keel-- or at least giving the space I need to recognize my anxiety for what it is instead of thinking the whole world is terrible. BUT. YOU GUYS. My lovely friend and acupuncture provider IS MOVING TO COLORADO. WHAT.

I feel... not great about finding a new provider. Lots of providers are not vaccinated/are anti-vaccine (as is my friend, but I know her, and I know how careful she has been this whole time, and she wears a mask, etc). Not all of them are following health care clinic rules re: distancing, masks, waiting in the car, etc. My HMO is not currently offering any complimentary medicine. It's not an awesome time to find a new provider ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU ARE ANXIOUS.

And as a special bonus, I absolutely 100% have seasonal allergies right now. My eyes feel like there are slivers of glass in the corners. My ears are itchy on the inside. I sneeze 10,000 times in a row. But now I have the added fun of thinking I have COVID all the time. I AM SO FUN TO BE AROUND.

But yay birthday party supplies are arriving?

Like, cute cute

 Minnie was SO CUTE this weekend, like cuter than usual.

Happy anniversary to US!

 It has been SIXTEEN YEARS since Ben and I got married on a sweltering Peoria Saturday. We celebrated with a VERY low key evening. The restaurant by our house-- the one place we have been able to go with the double constrain of a PANDEMIC and a BABY-- was way too crowded on the patio. A huge swarm of drunk people was throwing a bucket of gold balls off the balcony into a water hazard. So! We got drinks to go and waited by the tennis courts for our takeout order instead.

Ben got me these lovely earrings because peridot is the gemstone of the 16th anniversary and plus also is Minnie's birth stone

And of course I busted out the old rehearsal dinner dress, even though 2005 style is a lot.

School-- yay?

 I just spent north of $300 signing the kids up for school, and that really stings because I don't even know if I want them to go. I mean, I want them to be physically out of the house for a few hours a day, but also NOT DURING A GLOBAL PANDEMIC during a nasty resurgence. YOU KNOW?

(But: bonus! I had to give permission of COVID testing, so that's awesome).

Also, I feel terrible for this kid who had been planning on having a late summer pool party for his September birthday and now... isn't. I was getting ready out the evite together when I realized that if I received that evite, I would for sure decline.

We are as of right this second having a party for Minnie, but we have only invited vaccinated adults, vaccinated cousins, and a few unvaccinated littler kids. And it is outside. And I ordered everyone Minnie's birthday party masks. AND I STILL FEEL SQUICKY ABOUT IT.

Yesterday while crawling on the sidewalk out front, Minnie's toes got stuck in the hem of her dress, and she fell over and bonked her head. It made a TERRIBLE sound, but she rallied quickly. And THAT is why baby dresses are so short. (This is a toddler dress of Dorothy's that is the perfect color for Minnie but maybe not the perfect length).

She is SO SO SO close to toddling, though

Remember!

 I had coffee with a friend and spied this knitting class in the works, and you guys! I am dropping this here to remember that I want to take this class. Ugly scarves in weird lengths coming soon!