5 on a Friday: Health goals revisited

 So! YOU GUYS! I lost weight and then immediately started eating sugar again because I am an addict. AND THEN (and really this will surprise NO ONE BUT ME), I started feeling crappy again. Anxious. Moody. Jumpy. Dehydrated. It was like I forgot that I was trying to lower my BP and cholesterol and offset the effects of perimenopausal hormonal fluctuations not just lose weight.

SO. 5 habits I want to drag (kicking and screaming?) into the holiday season.

1. (Almost) no sugar. I feel better when I go (nearly!) sugar-free. So. BACK IN THE SADDLE FOR ME. I absolutely feel better with less sugar, no question. (Just last night, I fell asleep on the couch with all the kids but Minnie watching DMV (funny) and woke up to help everyone go to bed and ATE THE REST OF A BAG OF PRETZEL M&MS and fell asleep without brushing my teeth. Yuck on so many levels).

2. WATCH the saturated fat-- I see this consumption creeping up as I dive back into cheese glorious cheese, so I need to rein it in.

3. Run every single day. So far, so good on this one, and it is a major change for me since I always worked out 5 days a week and was happy to skip a couple. I have started jogging every day for at least 30 minutes and I love this habit. It really helps me have reasonable weekends instead of hedonistic free-for-all days, which has really helped with weight loss maintenance even as I eat more food. Plus! Running FEELS GOOD. I  cut out all bed rotting, get up, and run in the dark every morning.

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4. Keep eating 30 grams of fiber (mostly from fruits and veggies) every single day, and keep my protein consumption over 70 grams. This is starting to be really easy to do as I develop better habits, stock healthier food options on the regular, and develop easy go-to meals and snacks.

5. Strength training for 20 minutes 4 days a week. YES YOU GUYS, I know I need to increase this portion of my work out, but! This is up from 10 minutes a day, so yay me! I am doing a trial of the Apple Fitness app for better workouts because I was just doing free stuff on YouTube and it was a pain to find stuff that met my specifications, etc. So far, this is great and very searchable-- we will see if I get bored with it before I have to pony up for the whole year.

I would also like to take a barre class, take a yoga class, and do the daily move in the Calm app on my long days at work.

Also thinking about Botox, so text me with your recs.

September! Wake me up when it ends, etc.

 I HAVE BIG GOALS THIS MONTH.

1. I want to catch up on my 25 for 25 and figure out where I am with that. Am I still with that? WHAT HAPPENED TO MY GOALS?

2. After a weekend of wine and cocktails, I am doing a dry September.

(I am SO HAPPY, though, that my hormones work, and I can enjoy a drink or two when I want to and still sleep! It is a treat, really).

3. I am going to dial back in to healthy habits and focus on being in a calorie deficit and moving more aggressively toward my weight loss goal. 

Trigger warning: talking about weight loss even though I am straight sized woman:

I listened to a great podcast episode about why those last 10-ish pounds are so hard to lose, and the main takeaway is that we get sick of being in a deficit and start to relax habits without changing the diet mindset. For some people, that looks like letting small things slide (taking a bite here and there of kid food; adding coffee creamer without counting it toward daily macros; not paying attention to portion sizes-- these tiny things add up quickly in the course of a week); for others, it might be relaxing on the weekends in such an extreme way that our overall calorie deficit is eliminated. Either way, we can just get sick of the scarcity mindset that can be associated with eating less and never really feel like we've stopped dieting even though, calorie wise, we are actually eating at maintenance. To avoid this kind of burn out, we should be intentional about deficit phases AND maintenance instead of just chronically dieting.

This made SO much sense to me because I was doing BOTH THINGS but not really enjoying either one and also feeling like I wasn't meeting any fitness goals. So! For the last week, I have been very consciously not worrying about a calorie deficit and enjoying the heck out of it. (Two cocktails in one day at two different meals! EXCELLENT pizza and ice cream in Eau Claire, s'mores by the backyard fire, etc). 

But! I have also been prioritizing eating 30 grams of fiber and around 100 grams of protein every day, paying attention to sodium intake, and watching added sugar outside cocktails and intentional desserts. With the above Tito's and lemonade, for example, I had a walnut and lentil burger with no bun and a mixed green salad  (plus cheese curds because WISCONSIN).

4. Clean up Harry's room 

5. Figure out what we are doing with our bedroom situation. Losing the bunk beds in Harry's room? Letting Cooper move in there when Harry is not home?

6. JOG. I was just telling Elisabeth how annoying it is that Ben woke up after decades of not setting aside intentional time to exercise, exercising, laced up his running shoes, and started doing a 5K every day. But then I thought... why not join him? Not every day, certainly, but I am going to do it at least once a week in September with the goal of a Thanksgiving 5K and a New Year's Day one.

7. Level up in terms of my weighted vest and dumbbells.

8. Join a gym with Ben because WINTER IS COMING

9. Adjust to our fall rhythm before the end of the month. I have 2 huge lecture classes next semester that I need to prepare for, and I don't want to suddenly wake up in October with nothing done and current midterms to deal with-- you know???

Healthy* habits I plan to keep in August

1. Exercising 7 days a week. I LOVE IT. Annabel and I are so happy when I make sure we get an hour of walking in, and I adore seeing myself get stronger doing strength workouts. I have muscle definition in my thighs (front and sides!), and I can see muscles in my arms for the first time in a looooong time. I love it.

2. Avoiding added sugar for the most part. I FEEL SO GOOD YOU GUUUUUYS. YES I still put Fairlife chocolate milk in my coffee. YES I eat mini Cliff bars and mini Larabars, which both have a bit of sugar. YES I am eating dark chocolate after dinner, but otherwise? No sweets for me, and the longer I go without them, the less I want to eat them. Minnie and I made banana chocolate chip bread, and I didn't even think about eating stray chocolate chips from the counter or tasting the bread as it cooled. It wasn't that I wanted those things but didn't want to eat them, I just... wasn't interested. 

3. Balancing meals and snacks:  During the banana bread making, I was also full from the rosemary ham (Trader Joe's), brie, mustard, and arugula sandwich (with 2 plums!) I had for lunch and the string cheese, pecans, and apple I ate for an afternoon snack. I am making sure to have protein and fiber at every meal and snack, and I am not walking away from any meals and snacks feeling hungry or unsatisfied. If I feel hungry, I eat more food. It's great.

4. Eating an anti inflammatory diet. I eat most of these things (except avocado because I am allergic) every day, and I feel SO GOOD. I am sleeping well (THANK GOODNESS). (Most days-- I had a crappy night recently and am going to talk about it with my OB next week). My mood is great. I don't experience energy spikes and crashes. My wedding rings fit again, and I can wear them every day. I also think the red skin around my mouth and nose has gone away, but that might be my tan.

5. Wearing my dorky vest and ankle weights. I feel very strong and capable. Also dorky. Did I mention that?

5. Making sure my exercise clothes are at least semi-presentable. I feel better when I look better, so I will make sure to buy a few pairs of not-ugly joggers and sweats as the weather gets cooler. I used to work out in rags and then if I had to go somewhere before I got a chance to exercise, I would skip the work out or I'd get up crazy early to fit it all in, and, it turns out, I just needed better clothes. Now I can run an errand, take a kid somewhere, etc before OR after exercise-- game changer. I felt VERY validated when I heard Kendra Adachi talk about the magic of starting her day in a sports bra on The Lazy Genius podcast because I stumbled upon this hack on my own, and it has really been genius.

6. Thinking about macros: For me, this is a totally emotion-free lens through which to view food. I want to eat around 100 grams of protein a day and around 30 grams of fiber and have about a 40/30/30 split for protein, carbs, and fat. I also want to keep sodium under 2000 mg. It is fun to plan meals (for everyone!) with these guidelines in mind. Last night, for example, the kids and I had steamed broccoli and snap peas, roasted sweet potatoes (with olive oil), and chicken breasts, and they also had french bread and butter. It was easy, quick, and delicious. For dessert they had ice cream and wafer cookies, and I put almond butter on half an HU salty dark chocolate bar (it is common for us to have dessert every night and for people to choose their own from a variety of sweet options). 

7. Prepping meals: A bigger goal of mine is to do a better job of batch prepping meal components a few times a week. I have done this to an extent lately (making enough sweet potatoes for a few days; cooking a bunch of beans and quinoa at once), but I could be more strategic about it, and I would LOVE to remember to make steel cut oats ahead of time. It would also help me to have a bunch of protein options ready to go. I do this with chicken, lentils, and black beans pretty well-- but what else do I want to eat? Chick peas? Cottage cheese? Turkey? What do you eat for protein that's not red meat? (I am eating fish a few times a week, but, for me, that's not a make ahead food). Minnie and I went to TJs the other day, and I remembered all of their pre-cubed starchy veggies and fresh veggie noodle options-- I will be back for these!

(She gave me one of her stickers)

8. Swallowing those supps. I am taking fish oil and fiber and apple cider vinegar gummies and B6 in the morning and magnesium at night, plus melatonin as needed. I also eat my trusty Costco super greens sometimes (caffeine in them, so if I don't remember them before 10, I skip them).

*Healthy: Was my use of this word disingenuous in this post and in previous posts? Should I have said diet or weight loss instead? I don't think so, actually. I want to be healthier AND ALSO I want to lose weight. I have lost 15 pounds and I would really like to lose 15 more. And weight loss CAN be healthy-- and you can lose weight in a way that is good for your body, happens WHILE you are building muscle, and is also good for your mental health. Weight loss and good mental health are not diametrically opposed, and if I am planning the number of times I might indulge on sweets in an especially celebratory month? I actually think that's OK, you guys. If I skip the bread and butter at dinner because I would rather eat other things that deliver carbs and fat in a way that better supports my cholesterol and sugar management, my macros, and my weight loss goal? That's OK, too. Being mindful about what I consume is not automatically disordered. Yes, I like the way I look better when I am thinner (thanks, diet culture-- none of us grew up in a vacuum), but I also really really like the way I feel when I am stronger and on a more even keel thanks to more regular exercise and a really nutritious diet. So. For me right now in the way that I am doing it, weight loss is part of my healthy habits.

Sorry about the weight loss triggers, everyone.

 I got a comment on Monday's post that really made me think:

"I have loved reading your blog for years but I feel like so much of your “health” writing reads as fat phobia. Obviously everyone gets to do what they want to do, but many nutritionists argue that intermittent fasting is just a way to justify/repackage disordered eating. I definitely wish you the best and know that all stages of menopause are god awful, but I hope you (and your family) know that you are worth far more than numbers on a scale or calorie counts. Thanks for the insight into your life over the years… I will sincerely miss reading but feel like it is more harmful than fun these days."

I am so sad that someone has decided not to come back to my blog because I am writing about weight loss-- but also I GET IT. I thought these same things as I wrote the weight loss posts-- diet culture, fat phobia, triggering people by talking about weight loss, all of it!

But! Is losing weight inherently fat phobic? How can I better talk about weight loss in a way that is not fat phobic? Is it ok for me to want to be thinner when I understand  the broader context of a diet culture that privileges thin bodies, how fundamentally fucked up it is that patriarchy demands women take up less space, etc?

My blood pressure is starting to go up, and my cholesterol is getting really high (this is a thing that happens in menopause? AS IF MENOPAUSE IS NOT ALREADY THE GD WORST). You guys know my dad died  at 71 from surgery to repair an aortic aneurysm. I am getting worried about my health and longevity at the same time I am gaining weight-- and visceral belly fat-- and seeing  those higher blood pressure and cholesterol numbers for the first time in my life. 

From my perspective, losing weight is healthy for me. At the same time, I understand that thinner does not mean healthier in all contexts. And! Weight loss is not my only (or even most important) goal. My goals are to lower my cholesterol and blood pressure, build muscle as I head into menopause, and maintain bone health (all my dorky wearable weights--thinking of wrist weights too...). Doing those things, though, is also resulting in weight loss. (Which I enjoy because I am a product of a fat phobic diet culture.)

Anyway-- I am sorry I sound fat phobic when writing about weight loss and health habits. 

And! I have also read about IF and eating disorders-- but I have also read about the benefits of IF, specifically for menopausal women... so I am giving it a shot. 

Harvard Health Watch July 2024

(And I mean searched my library's journal database for articles, not listened to a few internet nutrition coaches tell me what they think-- because social media health proselytizing is not for me. And! I see this on both sides of the coin-- really fit people who act like macros are morality AND ALSO popular internet advice about the evils of ANY KIND of nutrition and exercise plan) 

Because I am tracking macros, not calories, I am NOT starving myself eating from 10-6, and I've cut out my nighttime TV eating (and do not miss it). This doesn't mean I would cancel plans that fell outside my IF timeline-- I am not rigid about this in a weird way-- which is one of the warning signs that IF is leading to disordered eating. Eating in an 8-hour window DOES make it easier to eat less, and for an abstainer like me, eating after 6pm isn't even tempting any more.

It is easier for me to abstain than to moderate in all areas of my life, so I am worried about long term maintenance of health habits. Obviously, I will not abstain from added sugar forever. We are eating cake at least twice in August (probably more like 4 times given how many celebrations Minnie is planning for the big 0-5), and I adore baking. It will be a struggle, I think, to add in sweets without centering them in my diet again because it is really hard for me to just have a little or just have one-- even when I eat it mindfully and enjoy the experience.

For a long time, I was telling myself that I was "practicing intuitive eating" but I was really just eating whatever whenever under that guise-- which is not healthy for me in terms of cholesterol, blood pressure, sodium intake-- no matter how accepting of my physical body I tried to be. (not very-- I am a product of diet culture).

Anyway, this whole thing falls under the doth protest too much umbrella,I guess. Sorry for the triggers on my Monday posts, everyone.

Health Streak Update: Week 3

 I found THESE peanut butter cups at Costco, and I am a YUGE fan.

I got some bleach on my pink hotty hots, so I ordered a new pair in the same size, and they're TOO BIG! (I am keeping them because they were final sale because I bought the clearance color, even though I could return them for store credit, but honestly $50 is all I want to spend on work out shorts anyway, so I would probably not exchange them since the non-clearance color is $70, and they're not that big).

(Also, next time I will get the 2.5 inch inseam, not the 4).

(Also also do you love dorky, dorky ankle weights?)

I am still down 14 pounds **whomp whomp** no more weight loss this week, so I am going to look even harder at nutrition next week. I have started putting chocolate milk in my coffee again-- which is probably knocking out the intermittent fasting benefits. I also am going to try apple cider vinegar gummies and a packet of Zena super greens (bought at Costco; nobody else likes them) along with my fiber supplement, B6, and fish oil. Maybe this will help me feel fuller longer and not eat all of the things for breakfast. 

If you are someone who wants more servings of fruit and veggies and also wants to remember to drink more water, these little super greens packets might be good for you. I eat enough fruits and veggies without them, but they can't HURT, and because I am not eating added sugar, they taste unbelievably sweet and delicious to me (SO SAD YOU GUYS. I look forward to those apple cider gummies like they are ACTUAL CANDY.)

Still walking all over the hood with Annabel in my dorky weighted glory and still doing a strength workout every day and also cardio. I like this routine and may keep it going forever. I used to take weekends off, but that adds up to ... a lot of time off.

Long term plans: I think I am ready to join a gym so I can lift larger weights, get a personalized strength plan from a trainer, and have access to group fitness classes. Ben and I are going to look at some when he gets home from California because he is also interested in those benefits, and we would like Cooper to lift with a trainer. I am also going to find a place to take a couple of barre and yoga classes a week now that Minnie will be in kindergarten, and I will have time to do things for myself. A NEW ERA.

I just cooked a bunch of lentils and also sauteed diced sweet potatoes and chopped kale in olive oil, garlic, pepper, and curry powder. I think I will eat all of these things together with black beans and some sort of spicy greek yogurt sauce as burritos until I get sick of them, and think I am going to make some (modified to make it lower calorie) copycat Whole Foods chicken salad to eat for the rest of the week.

For me, the key to meeting health goals is to make sure I have high protein and fiber food options prepped and ready to go. I adore Oikos triple zero yogurt when I am looking for something treaty. I cannot get enough almond butter and cosmic crisp apples, and I am now someone who looks forward to a few dried apricots and handful of pecans. WHO EVEN AM I YOU GUYS?

 

Health streak update week 2

I am doing... okay on my nutrition goals. 

I did drink a glass of wine at bar trivia this week (we were 4th place going into the final, had the right answer, changed our minds, and lost it all), so my no sugar goal was a bit lofty. 

I have been aiming for 100-ish grams of protein and 30 grams of fiber, but a couple of days last week, I struggled to eat 60 grams of protein.

 One night we got home super late from a dive meet and had been planning to go out on the way home (I was looking forward to a salad with salmon) but every place was packed and we were SO CRABBY and I just ate a bowl of Cheerios and called it a night. 

The other night, I just did not want chicken, but it was my only on-hand protein, so I just ate a peanut butter sandwich. 

I have also gotten sick of my green smoothie, which was a great way to start with TONS of protein, between Fairlife milk, Greek yogurt, and plant-based protein powder. I need to add this back in a few mornings a week and come up with more exciting pre-prepped options for lunch and dinner. I have pretty much just been eating chicken or fish, steamed broccoli, and quinoa on repeat. Boring, huh?

One night Ben made Blackstone fajitas (shrimp and steak), and they were AWESOME.

I made cookies for the kids and had ZERO, which was pretty huge for me. I didn't even really want them. I have a chunk of an HU dark chocolate bar at night, and that really checks my sugar box. I think it also helps that cherries are so incredible right now.

For me, counting macros has been an excellent way to take emotion out of eating. I need to eat x amount of protein and x amount of fiber every day, and I use food choices to get me there as efficiently and deliciously as possible. It's pretty great.

So far, I am down 14 pounds.

Coop could not even wait for a croissant, and this cracked me up because I am soooooo that guy as well. I ate an apple while driving home from this trip (washed with a water bottle and a baby wipe LOL)

I hit all my exercise marks, even when it rained and dog walks were a pain.

I found a new favorite 10-minute work out that I will be adding into my rotation. 

And I look SO COOL in my ankle weights

Now here's the shitty part:

OUT OF NOWHERE my INSOMNIA CAME BACK. I messaged the OB's office-- maybe I need more hormones?? Anxiety and hot flashes are making a return as well, after several truly blissful weeks. WHYYYYYYY MEEEEEEE?

(Not just insomnia-- even a night sweat situation when we accidentally set the thermostat to 62 degrees and slept with our fan on and just truly shitty shitty shitty moods, thinking I am dying of an incurable disease every second-- all of the bad things. I think I took an extra progesterone because I thought I missed one but maybe did not (ADD BRAIN FOG TO THE LIST), so maybe I just screwed up my balance for a few days?)

BONUS: I dyed my hair at home because I could not even wait another second.

Before:

After:

I am going to be careful about washing it (which sucks for me because I really like to wash my hair every night in the shower. I got shower caps and THIS dry shampoo and THIS shampoo and THIS conditioner for when I do have to wash.), and I am going to use Madison Reed toner as needed.

But I feel like it looks totally fine. I do not want to go light, and last time I got my hair dyed in the salon, it was super super super dark and my hair got really thin. But! Whatever! Onward and upward! I am still getting a good cut next month and will continue to grow it out a bit.

But for realz-- how do you keep your hair not gross between washes? I knind of hate this a lot, but I'm willing to give it a try...

ISO a new morning routine free of junk science and also HEALTH STREAK UPDATE

 I do SO WELL with a finite healthy habit timeframe. Like 4 weeks? NO PROBLEM.

 But the thought of just making better choices forever? NOT SO EASY TO SWALLOW.

 I have had to juggle some things around (date night, for example, is moved to a local outdoor mall where I can eat a delicious salad, and we are postponing our supper club rez to early August because you cannot go to a WI supper club and not have an old fashioned (brandy, sweet) and a grasshopper for dessert).

I realized when I was having insomnia trouble (thank you, HRT, for letting me sleep again) that I actually LOVE getting up early and getting a jump on my day. And also, I waste a lot of time in the AM that I could be using for better things. To this end, I just stopped doing all of my NYT word games because I found them leading to way too much phone time. 

I know that I do like to wake up slowly and have a cup of (1/2 caf) coffee under the covers. I also know that I want to walk the dog a little before 6am and get at least 20 minutes in with her before Minnie and the rest of the house starts stirring. I have started checking in with my to-do list and gratitude journal with my first cup of coffee, and I am also doing my Calm app right away, too. This means I am awake for a good hour before I really engage with my phone (besides doing a meditation and listening to a book or podcast while walking)-- super helpful.

But! I think I could be getting more out of my early AM time, and I know from past attempts at packing my mornings that I just don't want to do hard things (writing, strength training) and will distract myself until I have run out of time and then blame all my caretaking responsibilities for my lack of fulfillment when really I just read blogs under the covers too long. I also know that I will probably not read for pleasure during this time but will scroll instead because when I scroll, it is like I am not even admitting to myself that I am spending leisure time the way reading makes this admission.

Soooo I started looking at wellness influencers and listening to podcasts to see if there's something else I could/should be doing right away to set myself up for success, and it's all snake oil and bullshit and punishment disguised as care, IMO. From bullet proof coffee to biohacking to grounding to contrast therapy-- it's all... not for me.

Watching women who are hustling in the gig economy and taking care of small kids wake up before 5 am to have just a sliver of alone time and then spend that time cold plunging was a real fucking bummer, though, because I also fall into that trap (minus the gigs and ice baths thank god, literally). But I am not drinking butter or walking barefoot across my lawn or contemplating things in my life that are going well in the pre-dawn hours as I look painfully exhausted and sip raw milk in the name of me time. I DO HAVE A LINE, I GUESS, and it is fish oil tablets and ankle weights.

Ugh. Everything I write goes straight to nihilism these days. (the things I do are probably bullshit -- everything is bullshit-- is the enthymeme) (and it's a bad enthymeme because the whole point is that you don't have to say the quiet part).

BTW Maintenance Phase-- best podcast ever and a perfect antidote to the neoliberal hellscape that is wellness influencing. (In her latest episode, Empowered is like I work out now so I don't have to go to a care home and be a burden in my later years and that's not exactly how it works...)

I need to ask myself what my mornings would look like if they were easy... I will think about this for a little while.

Stats:

Since my doctor's appointment in May, I have lost 13 pounds!

This week, I hit all my nutrition and exercise goals, but I forgot to put an estrogen patch on after my shower one night and remembered it the next morning, and I forgot B6 and fish oil on Friday. 7 days of progesterone though!

Always be multitasking:

Prairie love

Dorothy called this hairstyle a "literal tragedy." My bang situation is ROUGH.

Ankle weights and Birks= FASHIONISTA

 

4 Week Health Challenge!!

 Mondays are always fresh starts for me-- even more than new months. And so! THIS MONDAY! I am starting a 4-week healthy habits streak. Here's the plan:

• Eat from 10am-6pm every day (going back to black coffee **whom whomp**-- I have been adding my fave chocolate milk again)
• No added sugar (but fruit is great!) (also I eat some dark chocolate every night after dinner because I am who I am)
• No alcohol
• TONS OF FIBER (I am aiming to eat 25 grams a day and also take a supplement, which I do not count toward this total)
• 10-minute strength workout every day
• At least four 15-minute dog walks with my weighted vest and/or ankle weights every day
• 30 minutes of cardio (elliptical machine typically) every day
• Calm app every day
• Progesterone every day (lol but this must continue indefinitely-- not just for 4 weeks)
• Magnesium, fish oil, B6, and fiber every day

I lost 12 pounds doing the Galveston Diet-- but then! Instead of doing the maintenance phase, I started just adding little mouthfuls of garbage here and there and the occasional glasses of wine, etc. Which is fine! And human! But also! I am noticing the effects of inflammation again (joint pain, swollen fingers, red skin around my mouth). SO. Back on the horse. I usually aim for 5 days a week for cardio (and just added strength like 6 weeks ago), but for the next 4 weeks, I am going to do everything every single day.

I am committing to 4 weeks of health (during the busiest 4 weeks of our summer) and plan to reward myself with fabulous new hair and some delightful Lulu pants (Athleta has been my gateway drug).

I am very much a don't break-the-chain kind of gal, so we shall see what happens if I interrupt my streak or get sick or something-- hopefully I will figure out a way to extend the challenge or keep going with less than perfect results because this would help me in pretty much all aspects of my life.

Anyone else up for a 4 week streak of something?? 

I listened to my Calm app daily meditation while blowing this thing up, and it was PERFECT. The voice was like imagine you are blowing up a balloon and I was like I'll do you one better

Family float day!!

Also my tiny bestie and I watched all of the The Comeback in anticipation of season 3. Best show ever. If you've never watched it, treat yourself.