Screen Time for Big Kids

 THANK YOU for this submission on my NaBloPoMo post ideas form:

How do you handle technology with your kids (and how has it changed over the years). New middle school parent here and looking for advice from more seasoned parents about what’s worked/not worked, what you love/hate about kids having phones, etc.

I have NEVER been very pearl-clutchy about screen time. I have always felt like if I want the kids to put down their screens, then I need to have something better for them to do. So, if I need to get work done, I care NOT AT ALL what kind of screen a kid is using. And I will say-- none of the kids is even a little bit weird about screens, even though everyone but Minnie has a phone and also a TV in their bedroom. (Minnie has an iPad, though). Each boy has his very own XBox, and Dorothy has a Nintendo Switch. Everyone has their own computer and/or iPad (H and J have both). WE HAVE A LOT OF SCREENS, is what I am saying.

We have a few basic practices: no screens at the dinner table (a policy for all). No texting while driving (duh). No phones or computers in bedrooms overnight (even Ben and me).

I also set iPhone screen time limits as needed. Dorothy and Cooper do not use their phones AT ALL during the school day (I think because schools have gotten really good really quickly at establishing healthy screen boundaries), so I am not worried about them, generally. Jack and Harry both needed iPhone screen time limits in high school or they would waste so much time on their phones. I am interested to see how this works for Dorothy and Cooper who have grown up with more phones in school and way better phone policies. Maybe they will not need me to manage from afar? I love Apple screen time controls-- very easy to navigate as a parent and a kid, and they have provided great limits, as far as I am concerned.

(I have no idea how Harry is doing in college without any screen guardrails. I know that college instructors generally don't care if you are depriving yourself of learning, so I hope he is able to self-regulate.)

(Also, when gun violence at school is no longer a thing, then kids can be phone-free at school. Until then, I want them to have phones-- that's my hot take).

Cooper signed up for Instagram literally ON HIS 13th BIRTHDAY. Harry and Jack both have IG and Snap Chat, and Harry is sort of on FB and I assume on Tik Tok. Dorothy can have IG when she's 13, too. I am not on Snap Chat or Tik Tok, so I feel less good about those until the kids are older. I think Harry got Snap Chat as a sophomore because that's how all his friends were making plans, so he needed it to communicate, and I was sympathetic to that argument. I have no idea when he got Tik Tok-- I assume over the summer when I took all the parental controls off his phone (LOL). I put 1-hour social media limits on the kids' phones, but I usually approve extra time requests when they come in.

We have talked as a family about the idea of a digital footprint, and Ben and I love to share stories about people doing dumb stuff on the internet and facing huge consequences in their real lives as food for thought. Kind of like how in college Ben's mom used to send him obituaries of people with lung cancer after she found out he was a smoker. 

We just don't really make screen time an issue, and it has never been an issue. Generally, the kids watch TV every day. They generally play some kind of video game most days. Minnie plays on her iPad when we drive to diving and dance.(Although she has started to get into audio books in the car and I love this for both of us. Sideways Stories from Wayside School was a HUGE hit, also The Weirdies. We are currently starting the Ramona series, and she is not in love yet **sob**) Dorothy is constantly texting and chatting with friends. But!  They also play with toys and go outside and read and draw and do lots of other things. 

For us, the kids get phones the Christmas of their 5th grade year-- this is when activities run later and longer, and I want to make sure they can be dropped off and have a way to get in touch with me. Plus I can track their every move on Life360, which is so, so satisfying.

I think I am in the minority among parents I now in terms of screen time regulation. Most people have much stricter limits and these complicated management systems (before you can have screens you must ..., etc). For us, screen use/TV watching has just sort of ebbed and flowed organically. Usually, the kids are more interested in doing other stuff, and, so far, we haven't had any dramZ about screens. 

Dorothy's pediatrician asked about screen limits at her last check up, and Dorothy said, "Um, well, my TV has a sleep timer?" Then the doctor asked more pointedly about phones at the table and social media, and Dorothy was like "Of course not," to phones at dinner and "I'm not even a teenager!" to the social media question. LOL for days. 

Movie night, my fave screen time:

Minnie, not choosing a screen, even though she totally can have one any time:

What about you? I assume you have more boundaries than I do-- tell me about them.

Freshman Orientation!

 I am a mom who has taken her COLLEGE FRESHMAN to his ORIENTATION. YOU GUYS. Harry is leaving for college in LESS THAN FIFTY DAYS. How is this real life?

One thing I have noticed about college today versus college in the olden days is that kids are encouraged to declare a major before they even start classes. I think this is because college is so freaking expensive, and parents are really concerned about time to graduation. But! I personally think college is about growing up and figuring yourself out MORE THAN it is about a program of study, so I … don’t really care about a major?

Anywho, after his last round of AP test results, Harry decided to lean into what he loves and already has a semester’s worth of credits for and declared political science with an economics minor. He is thinking about adding a communication certificate. After he stopped at the undergraduate research booth on Saturday and a really nice Spanish professor asked him what he was studying, and all he could say was poli sci, he thought more about a sound bite encapsulation in the car on the way home. He wants to study how voter perceptions of US economic policy are both communicated and understood according to socioeconomic status. OK, THEN. PROCEED.

We learned a bunch of stuff about the campus, walked up the infamous hill to the dorms (NO JOKE YOU GUYS OMG WHO MAKES A COLLEGE CAMPUS ON A CLIFF???), got Harry’s books for the semester. (The university says textbook rental is included in tuition, but I still had to buy a book that’s not a rental for $150 grumble grumble). We also bought more Eau Claire stuff because of course. And! We listened to a whole morning of programming about joining in and belonging (separately) and then declined the group lunch and went out by ourselves. Erm.

I did take the provost’s advice to lean out and stop getting up in my kid’s life business and just be a supportive encouraging person who can direct my kid to resources when Harry showed me his schedule that includes 4 days of a super early class and also a huge break 3 days a week before his last class of the day. DANGER DANGER. But, you know what? Not my problem. He is going to have to figure out how to get down that freaking MOUNTAIN by 8 am and also climb the eff back up if he wants to eat in the cafeteria and then climb down and back for his last class of the day. I suggested that if he wants a later start or a shorter break, he should email the advisor who helped him sign up and left it at that. I think maybe more important than the algebra or economics stuff he is learning is the lesson in how to be a grown up who juggles things and learns about the kind of schedules he needs/likes/thrives on, you know?

Also when we got back from our lunch to do a lap of the resource fair, it smelled like vomit all around the ballroom, so we were glad to be not joiners.

His classes are all in the two buildings in the background, so at least once he climbs down the mountain, he has an easy time of it.

THAT’S US!! WE ARE A BLUGOLD FAMILY!!!

No one was around (because everything smelled like puke?) so Harry let me take his picture here finally!

And then! The guy with the guy in the mascot suit asked if we wanted a BLUGOLD picture, and I was SO DELIGHTED because I asked him like 5 times to take a pic with the bird, and Harry was SO EMBARRASSED. Maybe the highlight of the day.

Stairs up THE HILL. Gorgeous. But so steep.

SO BEAUTIFUL

There were SEVERAL flights like this.

At the top!! (Where we immediately climbed ANOTHER flight of stairs-- concrete this time and not old saggy wood!)

Midway down.

We also drove around and found the closest urgent care and Walgreens (he is going to have to be in charge of his own prescription refills!!). I talked to a rep from the health center to find out what Harry needs to do when he has chest pains, and I am calling our insurance this week to figure out providers and he’s meeting with his cardiologist to ask all of the questions. THIS IS HAPPENING, you guys. 

All that is left besides buying most of the things and hauling them up the stairs in his not-air-conditioned dorm and driving 175 miles AWAY FROM OUR KID is nagging the heck out of him until he gets a job on campus. Just 8-10 hours a week! Checking in library books or lifeguarding the campus pool or swiping IDs at the rec center— SOMETHING.

We cut out early (not joiners) and made it home for Jack’s last home dive meet of the season. The golf course restaurant was closed for takeout, and we almost cried. But then we rallied.

Grilled cheese and a vodka lemonade— WHAT COULD BE BETTER

Jack was fabulous and almost beat is own high score again

I am missing a dive and might have the same one twice, but I am on the YouTube struggle bus.

Speaking of total inanity. Teaching days 13 and 14/27!!

Old old old Anthro dress that is too tight and too short but I wore anyway:

Not to be outdone by an Old Navy babydoll dress older than my house:

(I have NO FOREHEAD WRINKLES AT ALL thanks to Augustinus Bader's The Rich Cream -- it is a MIRACLE FROM HEAVEN).

Smattering of Summer Things

 I thought-- when I first looked at the dance schedule-- that it would be completely perfect for long nights at the pool, and I was RIGHT. I need some help from the big boys to watch Minnie at the pool and get her started on her picnic dinner while I grab Dorothy and sometimes a friend or two, but then it is a pool night all the way until bedtime.

We are working on leaving BEFORE Minnie is so grumpy and tired that she loses her mind, but for some reason, I am a slow learner, and we have missed our window a couple of times. BABY STEPS.

Dorothy is a very good sport about eating, say, room temp buttered noodles by the time she finally gets to the pool, and she doesn't even mind hanging from dance clothes to swim clothes in the locker room and joining the last half of diving practice if she's able.

Minnie, working on her posing skills.

Minnie is also working on her independent imaginary play skills. She really likes to play Calico Critters WITH Dorothy, but Dorothy doesn't really want to play-- and Minnie is slowly but surely learning to play on her own. She told me that sometimes she likes playing by herself better because she can make up her own rules. I love listening to her on the monitor while I fold laundry, an she is just babbling a stream of a story, speaking for all of the characters, singing songs, etc. It's darling.

Minnie always always always wants to help these days. While this is also darling, it can be, um, less efficient. Here she is scrambling her own eggs, for example.

Jack went Full Buc-ee for the staff pool party

Is it even date night if you don't add a grocery store stop on the way home? (We were bringing dessert to share with the kids).

Ben texted me this pic of Minnie at baseball-- LOL for days. Love her set up (that's a cupcake in a Tupperware that she's snacking on).

Dorothy was being TERRIBLE the other morning, and I could not figure out why. But then! It dawned on me that she did not want to be home alone while Coop was diving and Harry and Jack were working and Minnie was at camp and I was teaching, and the worry was making her mean. So she came with me, and I felt like basically THE BEST PARENT EVER. Thanks, Inside Out 2, for the insight. (Also she acted way annoyed that I suggested she come but then she got dressed and grabbed her computer and a book in 3 minutes flat, so I could tell she was glad and that she loved that she could just blame the whole thing on me being overprotective).

Cooper’s Little League All-Star team played their district tourney and went to the championship game! They lost, but it was fun to make it that far, and people from all over town came to cheer them on. Our Little League has 2 charters, which means we have 2 tourney teams, so our power is not consolidated into one team. Our teams usually lose to the east side org (just one charter), and this year was no different. BIUT SO FUN TO WATCH. They even got to play 2 games at the Madison Mallards stadium!!

I broke my no kids’ sports team gear on myself policy to wear Coop’s jersey from last year to the championship game, and I dressed the girls similarly. Of course you want a photo dump from the whole week, right?

And don’t think we’re sad about the end of baseball because BASEBALL NEVER ENDS. His club tournament team plays this weekend in fact **melting emoji**

Case of the Mondays

 WHY in the WORLD do I WASTE MY TIME complaining about packing school lunches?? Packing lunches is SO MUCH EASIER than having 5 kids HOME FOR LUNCH and making sure we have food people want to eat (we ate EIGHT Jack’s frozen pizzas in one single weeeeek) and then CLEANING IT UP. I mean, yes, the kids clean up, but NOT WELL. 

Ben made this and taped it to the fridge, hoping some specific instructions would help everyone do better. LOL/shrug.

I have been switching between 2 basic lunches for me: either a salad with arugula, mixed greens, goat cheese crumbles, walnut pieces, and craisins OR a PB&J with BBQ chips on the sandwich (childhood holdover-- I also like salami and corn chips) and assorted fruits and veggies. Also sometimes I have peanut butter and alfalfa sprouts-- SO DELICIOUS and crunchy.

Any good lunch inspo?

Other things to complain about:

Coop got 2 GIANT splinters in his foot messing around with some wooden benches the swim team uses for spectators and had to have a pediatrician CUT THEM OUT. Yikes.

And then I felt bad for him and took him to DQ and he ATE IN MY CAR **head desk**

Honestly, the other kids say Cooper is my favorite, and I always deny it, but I am pretty sure they would argue this is concrete proof. No one else can even LOOK at food in my car right now.

Because I am who I am, I only read Car and Driver reviews of SUVs in the class I was looking at AFTER I bought my car. I spent a bit of time regretting not looking at the Palisade because ALL OF THE SEATS are heated. It's number 3 on the list I linked, and I have seen quite a few of them at the pool lately. The review says that you can get awesome features for a pretty average price-- I would have probably liked it, although I looked at the Grand Highlander and the Telluride (numbers 1 and 2) and liked them less than the Pilot.  BUT. YOU GUYS. What sets the Pilot apart from its peers is that the CUPHOLDERS FIT MY GIANT OWALA WATER BOTTLES. I AM IN LOVE.

Also, I have officially passed along my addiction.

Ok, you guys. We are heading into the sweet spot I have been looking forward to-- routines firming up, Minnie in camp, etc. I am looking forward to evenings of garbage dinner at the pool, afternoon park hangs, and just general silliness.

This is the last summer with 5 kids fully in the nest, and it's going way too fast.