I do SO WELL with a finite healthy habit timeframe. Like 4 weeks? NO PROBLEM.
But the thought of just making better choices forever? NOT SO EASY TO SWALLOW.
I have had to juggle some things around (date night, for example, is moved to a local outdoor mall where I can eat a delicious salad, and we are postponing our supper club rez to early August because you cannot go to a WI supper club and not have an old fashioned (brandy, sweet) and a grasshopper for dessert).
I realized when I was having insomnia trouble (thank you, HRT, for letting me sleep again) that I actually LOVE getting up early and getting a jump on my day. And also, I waste a lot of time in the AM that I could be using for better things. To this end, I just stopped doing all of my NYT word games because I found them leading to way too much phone time.
I know that I do like to wake up slowly and have a cup of (1/2 caf) coffee under the covers. I also know that I want to walk the dog a little before 6am and get at least 20 minutes in with her before Minnie and the rest of the house starts stirring. I have started checking in with my to-do list and gratitude journal with my first cup of coffee, and I am also doing my Calm app right away, too. This means I am awake for a good hour before I really engage with my phone (besides doing a meditation and listening to a book or podcast while walking)-- super helpful.
But! I think I could be getting more out of my early AM time, and I know from past attempts at packing my mornings that I just don't want to do hard things (writing, strength training) and will distract myself until I have run out of time and then blame all my caretaking responsibilities for my lack of fulfillment when really I just read blogs under the covers too long. I also know that I will probably not read for pleasure during this time but will scroll instead because when I scroll, it is like I am not even admitting to myself that I am spending leisure time the way reading makes this admission.
Soooo I started looking at wellness influencers and listening to podcasts to see if there's something else I could/should be doing right away to set myself up for success, and it's all snake oil and bullshit and punishment disguised as care, IMO. From bullet proof coffee to biohacking to grounding to contrast therapy-- it's all... not for me.
Watching women who are hustling in the gig economy and taking care of small kids wake up before 5 am to have just a sliver of alone time and then spend that time cold plunging was a real fucking bummer, though, because I also fall into that trap (minus the gigs and ice baths thank god, literally). But I am not drinking butter or walking barefoot across my lawn or contemplating things in my life that are going well in the pre-dawn hours as I look painfully exhausted and sip raw milk in the name of me time. I DO HAVE A LINE, I GUESS, and it is fish oil tablets and ankle weights.
Ugh. Everything I write goes straight to nihilism these days. (the things I do are probably bullshit -- everything is bullshit-- is the enthymeme) (and it's a bad enthymeme because the whole point is that you don't have to say the quiet part).
BTW Maintenance Phase-- best podcast ever and a perfect antidote to the neoliberal hellscape that is wellness influencing. (In her latest episode, Empowered is like I work out now so I don't have to go to a care home and be a burden in my later years and that's not exactly how it works...)
I need to ask myself what my mornings would look like if they were easy... I will think about this for a little while.
Stats:
Since my doctor's appointment in May, I have lost 13 pounds!
This week, I hit all my nutrition and exercise goals, but I forgot to put an estrogen patch on after my shower one night and remembered it the next morning, and I forgot B6 and fish oil on Friday. 7 days of progesterone though!
Always be multitasking:
I'm glad you're hitting your goals, Sarah! I love getting up early and having that time to myself - I think I started doing that when Jake was 2 and Mark was 3, because I just could not start my mornings when they started the morning, you know? And I've kept that habit.
ReplyDeleteSAME-- I just hate watching these women punish themselves in the early hours.
DeleteI also need me time before my kid wakes up. I am trying a new thing where I set my alarm for nine minutes before I need to get out of bed, then hit the snooze and do my word games/scrolling until the alarm goes off at six. We’ll see if this works. One thing I have been terrible about working in this summer is working out. (As in exercising. That sentence is confusing.) All I have are excuses, I just need to do it.
ReplyDeleteGood for you! I am not really good at moderating myself, which is why lifestyle choices sort of have to be forever in my world. If I can just have ice cream this one time, why not every day?
ReplyDelete(Also, I seriously AM only working out so that I can stay as active as possible as long as possible. I mean, I know it probably won't keep me out of a nursing home, but I'm honestly struggling to come up with another reason to do this to myself every day.)
Yes-- me too. But this influencer was very much like wellness is a choice/unfit people do not deserve care kind of vibes-- like toxic neoliberal choice talk-- you know?
DeleteI love this analysis. It’s easy to feel bad about not having “enough time,” but there’s a fine line between accountability and self-flagellation that I think you’re spot on about. And what works in one season needs adjusting in the next.
ReplyDeleteDo the ankle weights chafe? I’m curious if I should add them into my walks.
I got some tall socks and they're fine!
DeleteI love this so much. I think it's really hard to find sustainable habits when you're always trying to do the "New Best Thing!" I'm an early morning person too, and I like to think about that time as setting the tone for the rest of the day. So for me, that might be exercising, fresh air, maybe a cold plunge (but I love the cold plunge and find it helps my anxiety stabilize), and reading off a page. I definitely don't want to set the tone of suffering in those quiet early hours.
ReplyDeleteI love getting up early . . I fill out my 5-year journal from the day before, plan out my day in my planner (a ritual, lol), read some nonfiction, do a 10 minute Headspace, and then head to work out. Often do wordle/mini/connections in there too! I enjoy all of those things so it works for me. I don't generally get that vibe out of Em -- though there is probably some truth to the fact that on average, those who exercise can remain physically functional later into life. (no means a guarantee obviously, but not a reason not to consider it a possible benefit, right?)
ReplyDeleteYes FOR SURE a benefit I am hoping for but the counterpart is blaming people in care homes for their circumstance which is not good IMO
DeleteI listened to the ep and didn't get that from it (if you mean the recent ep!). (I know there are some people that DO think that way, and agree with you it's NOT right or fair, and also noting the obvious that not everyone has the means/resources to take time to exercise or eat in a way that supports health. which sucks!! but for people who do . . . it's one thing we can do to help our future selves, and our families/communities too. not even necessarily entirely nihilistic!)
Delete"A literal tragedy" lol, tweens. I admit I winced a little when I saw you say you were looking to influencers for answers and cheered internally when you immediately recognized the snake oil and b.s. That said, I love the viewing of exercise as an investment in feeling better rather than having to exercise to earn food. I am also SO confused about the supplements thing - should I? Which? Ugh. I am not a morning person, but I keep trying. I do like being out in the early morning, after the total agony of actually getting there.
ReplyDelete