5 on a Friday: Bah Humbug Edition

 Before writing this post, I looked everywhere for my glasses and then decided to use the old and slightly too weak pair I keep stashed for just this occasion. When I put those on my face, of course, I discovered the ones I was looking for open top of my head because the two pairs got tangled behind my ears. So. That’s how I am doing lately.

1. I am mad at anti-diet culture. Like, thanks to diet culture— which exists and which all women my age were fully immersed in for our whole freaking lives— I am unhappy with the size of my current body. But then! Thanks to (NEWISH) anti-diet culture, I am unhappy that I feel I unhappy. THERE IS NO WINNING. As a middle aged women, I can’t just find solace in a huge community of other women who also hate their bodies (and maybe we would rage against the culture that makes us feel bad but then we would also swap recipes for low calorie fake desserts) because we are suddenly supposed to pretend like we love whatever size we are and eat only what makes us happy without judging what that is but a lifetime of lessons learned in diet culture doesn’t just GO AWAY only now we just aren’t supposed to talk about our body dissatisfaction. GAH. (And you know what I do when I shove my feelings deep inside and don’t let them out? I cover them up in tons of junk food!)

2.The time has come to do something about my gray again. Embrace them is an option on the table, of course, but I think I am going with another home dye job. WHY AM I THE WAY I AM?

3. Something is wrong with my menstrual cycle (AGE. AGE IS WHAT IS WRONG.), and the weird hormone fluctuations are making me feel SO anxious. It’s hard to know what’s actually a problem when everything makes me think I am dying, you know? So then I get anxious that I am going to miss THE THING that would allow me to catch some terrible rare illness only people on the internet ever get before it becomes a rare fatal terrible illness that only people on the internet ever get, and around and around and around I go. Minnie looked at me at the grocery store yesterday and said WHY YOU NERVOUS? (Also, we went to a  grocery store that we have only one to ONE SINGLE TIME before in her entire life, and it was last summer. And she said as we were walking in I HOPE THEY HAVE THE BLUE CART because she remembered riding in a police car cart. Wowza.)

4. Someone changed my profile pic on our Disney+ home screen to Anger from Inside Out. (This is funny, but maybe not as funny as when the kids made me Claire Foy from The Crown on our Netflix screen, and Ben just quietly changed me to Olivia Colman one day).

5. Unbelievably, I have to go to the grocery store again today because we have nothing for dinner, and the fridge menu says “Grill something.” Thanks for the great planning and details, Sunday Sarah. IS THIS BRAIN FOG? IS IT A SIGN OF SOMETHING SERIOUS?

On my way out of the library yesterday, I grabbed a new book on extreme weather from the kid section because those were the exact books that little kid Cooper could not get enough of. He read it to Minnie when we got home and discovered a spread on making a tornado in a jar and COULD NOT RESIST. All in al, they made MANY tornados and were busy the whole time I made dinner. As you all know, that last hour of parenting before your 1950s husband comes home is the very most harrowing, but ours was a breeze thanks to mason jars, soap, and vinegar.

Summer updates all around

 I do appreciate the irony of complaining about money and buying expensive backpacks. But kids want what they want, and things cost what they cost, and if I want to splurge on gear and be cheap about how much I put on their lunch accounts, then **shrug** I AM WHO I AM.

My household panning skills have really deteriorated, and I cannot even seem to make sensible grocery orders these days. I HAVE GONE TO THE STORE 3 TIMES THIS WEEK and plan to head there again today for salad veggies for dinner. AND I ALSO GOT 2 DELIVERIES. I blame changing schedules and this weird August lull we are falling into. Hopefully back to school mom will make an appearance soon because we all need her baking and planning skills.

Harry is off on another college tour today, and he is working on his essays for the common app. He asked teachers for rec letters at the end of last school year when he was asking for National Honor Society recs, so even though they haven't written the letters yet, they know he will be asking again soon. As a letter writer myself, I really appreciate a lot of runway on requests, so I am glad he took my advice. He also did a good job in the ask of reminding them about his activities and accomplishments, something else I like to see. I feel pretty ok about where he is in terms of deadlines-- a surprise to be sure.

Coop found out one of his favorite friends is in his middle school homeroom, so even though he didn't get into the sweet little magnet school where Harry and Jack went for junior high, he is starting to get really excited for school. He is also at loose ends waiting for hockey to start up at the end of the month and diving to resume in the fall. He has hung out with club diving friends at the movies (Barbie— he loved it but probably not as much as I did) and pools— living the dream for sure.

Dorothy wraps up dance team tryouts next week (they are a summer-long thing), and I have no idea what teams she will make or even how to respond to the parent survey asking for placement parameters.  How many dances can we afford versus how many will she be placed on? No idea how to answer this. I DO know that we have a low dance limit compared to other people, and this can make her feel like she is less talented than friends whose parents can write a blank dance check (Also, she probably does have less natural ability, if I am any indicator because I am a terrible dancer and also HOW are these people writing such big dance checks? I am the wrong kind of doctor for sure). I wish it were more like hockey-- A team, B team, C team all ONLY decided on skill and not price, you know? (But also, skill really is the biggest factor, and the studio does an EXCELLENT job of placing kids, etc, and they also do a really good job of teaching kids in class all summer so everyone can do all of the things-- a very hard job to populate these teams on the admin side and consider all of the things that go into placement, etc. It is just a weird system, and I want to make sure my kid only feels good feelings when she thinks of her dance team experience.)

Speaking of dance!! Here are her nationals dances from last year!!

Here's her big production number (watch for her when the teeny dancers come on. She is very teeny and has bangs.)

And here's the sweetest little musical theater number:

Jack is picking up tons of extra life guarding shifts and getting excited about his sophomore year, getting in the groove of hanging out with his school friends versus his summer friends, etc. He has been treating himself to items on his wish list-- new release LEGO sets, coffee accessories-- and it's really fun to see what he buys. He is a very careful shopper, and once he decides on something, he is undeterred and stops exploring other options, even if he seemed wishy-washy only seconds before.

Minnie is super stoked about her first day of preschool next month (3 hours a day, 3 days a week!!), and she has to go to a bigger kid swim class because she ages out of baby classes at 36 months. She also gets to level up at The Little Gym and go to class without me in the gym (**sob**). I am anxiously awaiting the fall dance schedule because I really want to enroll her in a ballet/hip hop combo class at Dorothy's same studio and cannot even wait to see her in a big old fancy recital.

Poor Ben is in the real world living without a summer break, and that has to be rough. Long live the life of the mind, that's for sure.

Back to $chool

 Oh this time of year. All I am doing is vomiting money all over the place. Kid activities. Preschool. Public school registration and fees. School lunch accounts. My own parking permit. New shoes. More new shoes. Even more new shoes. Family photos. Senior pictures. School pictures. Various gear. Clothes. Sports equipment. Haircuts. NEW SHOES AGAIN. 

So much, you guys.

I HAVE FIVE CHILDREN, and that is striking me as very extravagant right about now.

Seriously, though, are you even a fifth baby if you don’t wind up downtown and confined to a sportsball wagon because YOUR MOTHER FORGOT YOUR SHOES?

Also the whole outing was a mess because someone **cough cough Cooper cough cough** did a bad job of googling, and we got downtown with our shoeless baby 43 minutes before the store even opened. AND before the bakery opened. Luckily Minnie piped up with “WE GO TO COLECTIVO. YOU GET A COFFEE. I GET A COOKIE.” So we did.

Are your kids into Fjallraven? Everyone is here (in my home and in the town, more generally), and I really really love their backpacks and men’s wallets. SO durable. Coop sized up from the standard bag (that Jack has— and Jack’s looks tiny but is actually YUGE), and I can see him using this to travel in college, even. Highly recommend— worth the trip, even one as chaotic as ours.

5 on a Friday: Assorted Superficial Loves

 1. I am doing this totally revolutionary middle -aged thing where I stop eating like my body is a trash can and eat healthy foods but also fast ones because not having time has been my number one eat-like-a-goat excuse. IT'S WONDERFUL/TERRIBLE. (I miss baking all of the things all of the time and also eating randomly off the kids' plates all day and eating so much cheese-- seriously, I was eating ALL OF THE CHEESE). But. My favorite things right now are Two Good yogurts (they use produce that would be tossed, and also they donate meals for every product sold-- and also the yogurt is delish and has almost no sugar) , mini cucumbers with Trader Joe's chili lime seasoning on them, peanut butter Cliff bars (so good with a cup of coffee on the go for breakfast), and a spinach salad with feta cheese, toasted walnut pieces, strawberries, and rotisserie chicken-- really good with raspberry vinaigrette.  Also GRAPES. Whenever I am dying for something sweet, I start with grapes (and usually end there, too). Oh! Edy's Outshine popsicles are wonderful, too. And it is amazing how satisfying veggies and salsa can be as a snack. So many flavors! So crunchy!

2. These cheapy hat hangers are awesome. I put them on the back of Harry and Jack's bedroom door and on the back of the laundry room door, and now all of the caps have places to live, and I feel so much less frustrated.

3. I went rogue on daytime face moisturizer when my Renergie ran out, and I really like (but do not love) Philosophy Miracle Worker. It was on sale at Ulta for $60, so I gave it a whirl. It goes on smoothly, and you don' need a ton. It does sort of feel like it sits on top of my skin for a while, which I don't love, but it is really gentle, and I like the texture when it settles in. I have been using Lancome serum underneath it, and the two are an excellent combo.

4. I am kind of over historical WWII fiction about lady spies (WHO KNEW THERE COULD BE SO MANY OF THESE BOOKS MY GOD), but apparently the Cold War is a similar treasure trove of girl agents, and I am not sick of it yet. Anywho, The Secrets We Kept by Lara Prescott was a wildly entertaining audio book if you, too, are into informers and a peak behind the iron curtain. Also this book is about propaganda in the 50s but also reads like propaganda for a new century-- so meta.

5. Target fall kid clothes. I have already bought Minnie a pumpkin-printed dress and one with ghosts, plus another dinosaur number. It's all so darling that I can't resist. I AM SO READY TO SEND THESE KIDS TO SCHOOOOOOOOOOOOOL. Anyone else?

 TO SCHOOL, ALL OF YOU

Minnie vids for future me.

Running to see Ben when he got home from Florida

Not sharing her new airplane

Not blown away by Ben’s dribbling skills 

Practically a puppy

Tiny daredevil

This is me not freaking out about college

 As blog is my witness, I am not going to lose my shit about the college admissions process, even though I barely slept the other night knowing the common app opened on 8/1.

I am someone who HATES deadlines. Like, I would rather complete a project 3 months before it's due than know that the deadline looms in the distance.

Harry is someone who is not at all bothered by completing his work at 11:59:59 pm.

My idea of college applications (THE APP IS OPEN. HE CAN APPLY EVERYWHERE RIGHT NOW AND THEN SIT BACK AND ENJOY HIS SENIOR YEAR) and his idea of college applications ("let's not worry about it until the literal last second, mom, and then you won't have to worry about it at all because you will have actually died from the anxiety of not me not applying") don't completely match.

I am not going to freak out, though.

You know why? Okay, a couple of reasons: 

Harry is not applying to any reach schools. At first I was stressed because his counselor was like dude why don't you have any reach schools? but then I remembered that I applied to ONE SINGLE SCHOOL, and that school covered me up in merit scholarships. I did not reach either, and things have turned out just fine. 

Thanks to COVID, he does not have to take ACT/SAT exams. A really awesome score would help his application, but not submitting scores will not hurt his application-- that's awesome and a worry to cross off the list. (Although the other kids will probably not be so lucky, and we really need to sign Jack up for test prep RIGHT NOW). SAT/ACT are making a big push via email and social right now to freak parents like me out about the importance of scores, but they have to because schools dropping the requirement has really hurt their bottom line. For once in my life, I am not going to be fooled by advertisement (she says in her Rothy's and Third Love bra).

We live in a state with a really terrific system of universities. Of course the flagship is the showiest and the one all the kids think of first, but our regional campuses are STELLAR-- in beautiful cities with affordable tuition and small classes taught by faculty. WISCONSIN IS HIS OYSTER is what I am saying.

Ben and I work in higher ed, and we are more familiar with how things work, which makes the daunting application process less scary (but it is still both daunting and scary, to be sure). I need to remember this when I am reading about stress (manufactured by freaking test companies) on the internet.

Finally, I am not inclined to be a big competitive weirdo about colleges (unlike some ppl I know IRL and the general mommy internet zeitgeist). Like, college admissions is the cherry on top of the big old competi-mommy sundae we've been dishing up since our sneauxflakes learned the alphabet, but a name brand school is not worth the stress and might not be a good fit anyway. Every campus is not right for every kid, and college is EXPENSIVE. From where I sit, it is all about ROI and where kids are going to have the best time. (Best time like meet great friends, learn from subject matter experts, live somewhere beautiful, not best time like party 24/7 until they get kicked out). A giant public university might be an awesome fit for some kids who are able to distinguish themselves in a huge crowd and go to class even though no one notices, while others might benefit more from more attention from their teachers and more accountability. I want my kid to go to the best school for him not the school that sounds the best when people ask where he is going, you know?

Sooooo, you heard it here first. We are going to enjoy the college admissions season, learn lessons that will benefit our other kids down the road, and not get in the way of our kid making the best choice for his future. AND I AM NOT GOING TO FREAK OUT.

In my head, Harry is this age anyway. College is YEARS away.

July: What I Read

I read 23 books this month, and some of them were terrific. 

I am SO EXCITED for next month-- new ones by Karin Slaughter and Ann Patchett!! AND I have the new Richard Russo on my Kindle, Elin Hilderbrand's latest on my shelf, and a couple others by authors I like in my TBR pile. CANNOT WAIT to dive in. But, in the meantime, here are my July reads listed from least favorite to most favorite:

Meh-- you can skip these:

The Bride Test by Helen Hoang: Did I like this romance? Not really. Did I also put holds on the other 2 books in the series? Yep. **Audio

The Heart Principle by Helen Hoang: BETTER. **Audio

Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole by Susan Cain: This book was sort of on my radar because I read a magazine review las year, so when it popped up as a skip-the-line book on Libby, I snatched it up. Rally fascinating, and if you like nonfiction, I recommend it. **Audio

The Collected Regrets of Clover by Mikki Brummer: I really did not like this title (too try-hard), and the book was... just OK for me. I have actually read a better death doula book in the last year **shrug** *2023

The Seven Year Slip by Ashley Poston: I feel like I have read this gentle time travel story before... better. **2023

Sea Change by Gina Chung: I liked Shelby van Pelt’s octopus book better, and apparently there is really only room in my hear for one? **2023

Not this-year books, but still entertaining

The Housemaid by Freida McFadeden: terrible but also LOVED IT. **Kindle

One True Loves by Taylor Jenkins Reid: How did I miss this one?? **Audio

Astrid Parker Doesn't Fail by Ashley Herring Blake: Predictable but adorable. **Audio

After I Do by Taylor Jenkins Reid: This was her second book, and it’s SO SO SO good. **Audio

The Thursday Murder Club by Richard Osman: Late to the party but ALL IN. **Audio

A Very Typical Family by Sierra Godfrey: This was a library system common read, so I got it on my Kindle via Libby. Took me a second to believe the story line, but then I liked it a lot.**Kindle

Screaming on the Inside: The Unsustainability of American Motherhood by Jessica Grose: This was terrific! I worry about how books like this one (written by a journalist) will do when they incorporate scholarship, but she wove an awesome narrative using stuff from all my favorite fields. I have read all of the scholars she cites, and IMO she used them perfectly.  By the time you read this, I will have probably written a whole post about this topic/book, but this one is a YES for me. **Audio

If you see these at the library, give them a read

She Started It by Sian Gilbert: This plot has everything, but still, this book was not amazing, IMO. It is entertaining, but only if you stick with it. **2023

Watch Us Shine by Marisa de los Santos: I wanted this to be awesome because I love her, and this book returns to beloved characters from 2 of her earlier books. But. Ugh. I HATE when all of the sudden there is backstory where there never was, and that's the whole premise of this book. Also! She is a poet, and her books are lovely, but this one was overwritten? Like, Cornelia was just a little too winsome. **2023

The Only One Left by Riley Sager: A really great twisty pot, but not my fave. Lots of tropes and cliches. **2023

The Three of Us by Ore Agbaje-Williams: This was just as brilliant as I thought it would be from the description-- so tense, so spare. **2023

Quietly Hostile by Samantha Irby: The Sex and the City chapter! OMG I am still laughing. **2023

Hidden Pictures by Jason Rekulak: I did not like this one as well as his previous book (which I freaking LOVED), but I did like it. **2023

READ THESE RIGHT NOW

The Celebrants by Steven Rowley: LOVED this one. **2023

With my Little Eye by Joshilyn Jackson: If you have not read these thrillers with badass southern heroines, you gotta try them. Her audio books are terrific, but I actually read this one and liked it a lot, especially the end. **2023

Zero Days by Ruth Ware: SO GOOD and tense-- I really love her, it turns out. **2023

Everything's Fine by Cecelia Rabess: I loved every single word of this book, and it was so fun to imagine the story unfolding through COVID, etc. LOVED it. **2023

This Month:

23 books

13 books published in 2023

13 print, 2 Kindle, 8 audio

This Year:

134 books

68 books published in 2023

75 print, 7 Kindle, and 52 audio