Struggle Bus

 I have stopped exercising as much as I used to because Minnie dropped her morning nap, and she is only content to ride in the stroller for maybe 15 minutes at a time, and those 15 minutes really need to end in a trip top the park or she’s going to blow up the building. 

As a result, I can usually squeeze in 30-40 minutes on the elliptical first thing every morning, and that’s about it. Maybe a stroller walk or 2 if I am lucky. 

A year ago at this time, I was walking 2+ hours a day. But now I am working more and 2 hours for a any kind of workout but ESPECIALLY one without Minnie with me is a luxury I cannot afford. SO. Slowly, slowly, I am gaining weight.

I DO NOT WANT to track my food because I am trying really hard to not be weird about food or my body anymore. But also! I want to feel great in my clothes and head into pool season ready to chase Minnie all over the pool deck and not feel like I have to keep my muumuu on the whole time.

What to do? Track food and restrict calories until I have dropped a few pounds (I have no idea how many because I haven’t weighed myself in at least 9 months) and then go back to intuitive eating? Stop worrying about it and buy bigger clothes when the season finally changes? Magically get it together and stop eating so much? Sneak in 20 minutes of yoga flow while I am playing with Minnie and make sure the occasional 15-minute stroller walk is actually a regimented 2 per day (along with my elliptical)? Get up a teeny bit earlier to have 45 minutes of exercise in the AM in addition to extra walks? ALL OF THESE THINGS?

I mean, I feel like sneaking in more exercise and also reigning in my sweet tooth will both be effective. Obviously the exercise part is easier than the eating part. Why does food always have to feel so fraught? I want to be middle-aged and just satisfied with myself, but I don’t live in a vacuum. It’s easier to be satisfied when you are smaller. Diet culture sucks, etc.

How many blog posts have I written just like this one over the last 15 1/2 years? Who knows because I never use labels.

I just want her confidence. Is that too much to ask??

Cheers to an early morning!

 For the first time since Minnie was born, I woke up pre-6 am to work. AND I LOVED IT. I used to use this early morning time to work on my book (sad trombone), but today, I got the 3 most important work tasks off my plate, so if my entire day goes sideways, at least those are done. It's a lovely feeling.

But! This time happened by accident. I thought Minnie was awake because my monitor started beeping. She wasn't, though, until I crashed into her room walking like a bear, which is how I walk before 6 am. So, I fed her (she's always up for that) and looked at the clock. It was 5:05 when I put her back in her crib, and I thought oh what the hell? My alarm was set for 6:20, and for a brief second, I considered all of the things I could do between 5:05 and 6:20. AND THEN I DID THEM.

When Ben worked for DWD, he and I would both get up before 5:30 to start our days because the regular daytime hours were just not enough. When Ben got his new job, his pace settled down quite a bit, and I was just too tired from broken sleep to get up early. But this morning has been so cozy. If Minnie keeps sleeping all the way through the night, I am going to resurrect this habit.

Goodness knows I need the extra hours. I am in the middle of fall course prep, and summer course prep is starting to really stress me out. I am teaching in-person in the summer for the first time since like 2014, and the amount of planning is far less than for an online class, but still a lot. My fall class is one that I haven't taught since BEFORE TIMES, so it needs  face lift, too. It's a hybrid class that meets once a week and has an online component. Pre-panny, the online expectations were different. Now people expect way more dynamic online content. So... I'm working on it. I love to complain about stuff like this, but, obviously, I also love it to pieces, which is why I am planning September in March.

Cheers to good baby sleep and a productive morning!

Crabby Tuesday

 Yesterday’s post just made me LOL because IT IS NO LONGER SPRING. We are back to fall in Wisconsin but without the pretty leaves.

Yesterday was crabby baby day at The Little Gym. We almost did not go. But then we got there and EVERYONE E was crabby, and I felt so much better. Minnie was a little pill all day and constantly shouted MAMA, stomping around after me to scream my name. She also took a. Moderately crappy nap and woke up TWICE to eat in the middle of the night, so I think teeth. Right now, her left side is a little underpopulated compared to the very sharky right.

Her face when she requested FROZEN 1 VERY CLEARLY by saying duh-zuh and holding up a SINGLE DIGIT, and I cued up Frozen 2.

Here she is snuggling with me after nap and attempting to eat a hair. She loves to pull the hair off my head and eat it. I know this is weird.

New experiences for Minnie

I am beyond thrilled to be celebrating spring with the world’s most delightful toddler.

Here she is at the zoo:

Riding her birthday plasma car:

Experiencing sidewalk chalk and a world without coats:

Delighting at the otters:

Meeting Bucky

Being EXHAUSTED after dinner following a day of playing outside

Independently walking places:

This is not a new experience, but it is delightful:

THE PARK!

THE OTHER PARK!

Being lured home from the park with bubbles:

She is so adorable in person. I want you all to hear her sing “Love Is an Open Door” from Frozen. It’s too much. Or watch her laugh when pizza is on the menu. Or see her at 3 am with her blanket off and one fat foot up in the top railing of her crib, ready to come get me her darn self. How did I ever live so long in a world without a Minnie?

 

 

Face potions; weekend recap

 Since we are not sending Minnie to preschool anytime soon, I have decided to spend the equivalent of tuition on potions for my face. Sort of kidding. But not really. 

Remember like 12 years ago when I FREAKED OUT about toxins in everything? Well, I started using more natural skincare products then and never really looked back. Except I should have looked back. Or at least at my crow’s feet. 

I have rediscovered my love of Lancôme and am using serum, eye serum, eye cream, and night cream every single day. I cannot part with my trusty Aveeno calming soap or daytime potion/sunscreen yet because I get rosacea from basically any other cleaners and moisturizer/sunscreen I have ever used, including the Lancôme samples that came in my Christmas box of goodies. My skin looks REALLY REALLY good. So good that the $230 price tag on some neck cream is starting to sound perfectly reasonable to me. GETTING OLD IS HARD.

Speaking of looking fabulous! Dorothy went to her first dance competition, and I am very proud of my hair and makeup skills:

Before:

During:

Her team won their category and got 4th place overall. I have no idea what this means, but she was thrilled, so yay!

Also, she has on eyebrows which is hilarious AND I learned some things watching the video makeup tutorial her studio sent that I could apply to my own makeup. Old dog, new tricks, etc.

She also had softball tryouts:

Cooper had his end-of-season hockey party and got to skate at a Capitols game. He had a wonderful time as you can see:

I am getting excited for baseball/softball season because we can be outside! But Minnie has recently discovered parks, so we might not be able to go to the Little League fields. I am pretty sure there are 1,000 ways for a baby to seriously injure herself on the playground there.

Speaking of, I took a picture of her on the slide at the little park in our ‘hood as opposed to HELPING HER BEFORE SHE SMASHED HER FACE

I didn’t go to the dance contest— Ben did— but he sent some excellent action shots:

 

INSOMNIA, my old enemy

 INSOMNIA. You guys! I wouldn’t think that someone as perpetually exhausted as I am (it is harder to get up with a baby in the middle of the night at 43 than it was at… any other age) would have a hard time falling asleep. AND YET. The last 2 nights, I have been unable to sleep for a long time after getting up with Minnie at 3-ish.

Friday night I read this book, which was kind of a bad choice, even though I eventually fell asleep. I need a Goldilocks book in the middle of the night, and Anthem was too smart (I kept thinking about all the references and mapping current geopolitics onto Hawley’s thinly disguised people and situations) and also not engaging enough. I mean, the plot is good but also too slow to completely engage my mind, you know?

Last night I just sort of laid there angrily thinking I was going to fall asleep any second and then did fall asleep but kept waking up and only realizing that I had drifted off when I started awake. At 4-something, I asked Ben to quit snoring, and then he couldn’t sleep. Ugh. 

Tonight, I think I will just plan on going to the couch with a book after I feed Minnie.*

Some thing else I am not looking forward to is my alarm for tomorrow AM, but I need to exercise before work, so it is a necessary evil. I know it is only one lousy hour, but since the time change, I have not been able to get up before 7, and I need to be fully exercised by 7 to make office hours on time (ish).

My lecture got moved for the rest of the semester to a slightly smaller lecture hall, making me feel less awesome about my hybrid mask plan. I might just leave it on? Maybe I can ruminate about it in the middle of the night. **eye roll**

*I know that Minnie is more than old enough to sleep all night without waking up to nurse, but I don’t want to wean her before she gets a COVID vaccine, and she is eating much less frequently during the day because she is so busy. So, I think I will keep night nursing and also keep complaining about it. Solid plan.

It's almost nap time on Tuesday right??

 I just updated my books post for April, and I am THIRTY-FIVE BOOKS ahead of schedule. Ha! That seems excessive, but also, good for me? I just listed to Four Thousand Weeks, and the author talks about having hobbies especially pointless ones, and I am crushing that. Also I had the best conversation with my hairdresser about AirPods and audiobooks revolutionizing housework. I am so excited to clean the kitchen when I have a good book on tap.

THIS WEEKEND you guys. It is non-stop. I literally thought to myself today Well, at least I will get to relax on Tuesday durning Minnie's nap. That's sad.

But listen: Ben is taking Dorothy to her dance competition today (because I don't want to drive to the Dells by myself because I am terrible at directions-- like, I have no survival skills if I get even a little bit off track). Then he gets home and immediately has to take Cooper to his end-of-season hockey party and also to a minor-league? single-a? semi-pro? hockey game where the team gets to skate between periods (which I almost called intermission even though I know better than that). Pre-baby/pre-panny, these all would have been whole-family activities. But seriously. I don't care how low the numbers are, the last place I want to take my too-young-for-a-vax baby right now is the Wisconsin Dells followed closely by a party with food and and indoor sporting event.

Then on Sunday, Ben will be gone ALL DAY for baseball team try-outs, and Dorothy also has to try out for softball and oh yes! 

Harry has a speech tournament, so he won't be home for clutch babysitting when I do things like pick up the groceries, etc. I have big plans to change sheets and clean bathrooms which means Minnie might score some quality Frozen time, but listen, she holds up either one finger or two depending on which movie she wants to watch, so these films are basically preschool.

Monday is my first day back to campus after spring break and I have a giant midterm in my giant class and GAH.

So, Tuesday. Nap time. A book. My bed. It's going to be AMAZING.

Picture just because it's awesome: