tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30058350.post8309780166396374838..comments2024-03-27T18:56:51.425-05:00Comments on Harry Times...All Jacked Up: The Unexamined Privilege of FatherhoodSarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07270389106604867450noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30058350.post-82951309495332633832022-11-07T23:29:54.613-06:002022-11-07T23:29:54.613-06:00I am not a parent and rubs ME the wrong way. I lov...I am not a parent and rubs ME the wrong way. I love (other people's kids)and I can go and spend an afternoon and be completely present with them, but it's not something that can be sustained by any parent 24/7... and yes, it does sound like privilege, when he can say that this is his form of self-care, as it's something that he probably chooses to do for a fraction of his full-time parenting status.Sanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10196296268895103846noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30058350.post-15275108853973239952022-11-06T17:15:09.659-06:002022-11-06T17:15:09.659-06:00Ugh. So unrealistic. I love my child and love that...Ugh. So unrealistic. I love my child and love that I can be with her, and yet it is impossible to be "100% present" with her all the time! There are things that have to be done! Grocery shopping and work and laundry and and and! Also... I feel like it would teach the wrong message if we could be 100% present with our kids. Sadly, they are NOT the center of the universe! It would be a disservice to them if we taught them they were! Not to mention a disservice to ourselves: we deserve time to pursue our own passions; we are not automatons created to cater to our children's every whim. Suzannehttp://www.lifeofadoctorswife.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30058350.post-9177976598175053842022-11-06T13:27:46.006-06:002022-11-06T13:27:46.006-06:00Totally agree with this, too. It can really make s...Totally agree with this, too. It can really make someone feel like a lesser parent when they hear statements like this (I've struggled with this when consuming Cal Newport material). <br />Taken in a vacuum it sounds wonderful, but in the real world (speaking as a work-from-home mother who was basically home full-time with both her kids from Day 1)...it is not realistic. <br /><br />And it's OKAY to be distracted while parenting. Things have to get done outside of directly engaging with our kids. I feel a lot less guilt as they get older, but this was a major issue for me when I was a new Mom. I was perpetually exhausted and overwhelmed and then would hear people wax eloquent about how much they loved every minute with their kids. What now? So much of parenting is hard and it's full of distractions and it can be downright tedious.<br /><br />So, yes...I can relate! Love that you highlighted this...Elisabethhttp://elisabeth-frost.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30058350.post-18207365356946083052022-11-06T12:05:46.922-06:002022-11-06T12:05:46.922-06:00Totally agree on this. It is not realistic to be c...Totally agree on this. It is not realistic to be completely present with your children, nor do I think it’s a standard we should strive towards. I work FT and still have a hard time always being ‘present’ with my almost 2yo and 4.5yo. But like someone said above, they need time for independent play and I have needs, too. Lisa of Lisa’s Yarnsnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30058350.post-23726488191649410982022-11-06T11:58:41.710-06:002022-11-06T11:58:41.710-06:00YES. I've heard a version of this from men in...YES. I've heard a version of this from men in the productivity space and it makes me LIVID. Like - you're completely present WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE PARENTING. which, let's face it, in many cases probably quantitatively isn't all that much time. OR you have someone else doing all the cleanup / prep / etc so that your only job is this "presence.". love that you called this out! sarah (SHU)https://www.blogger.com/profile/09785177204149427781noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30058350.post-60874228606683270502022-11-06T11:34:05.543-06:002022-11-06T11:34:05.543-06:00Not sure if he meant “He’s sure to spend SOME time...Not sure if he meant “He’s sure to spend SOME time being present with his kids each day”, which would be great, or “100% present with his kids all day” which is not only impossible, but also would have negative effects on the kids. Kids NEED time to play independently and direct their own play. Of course, it’s great to be intentional about having some dedicated parent-child time, but hopefully there’s a good balance! Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30058350.post-66255504663919019252022-11-06T08:16:41.220-06:002022-11-06T08:16:41.220-06:00I homeschool my kids and work part time. So I am ...I homeschool my kids and work part time. So I am with at least one of my kids almost all the time. And yet I do think there are times i do make the decision to be totally present with them. Other times, although I am physically with them (and may even be engaging with them), I am not 100% present. I am thinking about what I need to get done, what I "could be doing" instead, etc. I know many moms struggle to actually play with their kids, which normally means being 100% present. It isn't a privilege necessarily. I definitely can be a choice.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com